Dr. just asked me to be her Maid of Honor. Hoooray. Dr. is my GIRL. Ride or Die. She's ALWAYS been there for me, even if she didn't agree with me. And same with me. There is no room for judgement because unconditional love exists.
So now, I'm onto planning the Bachelorette Party in none other than MIA!!!!
I've seen Dr. grow up so much in the past 8 years. She's matured into a lovely, loving young woman.
6.06.2008
6.05.2008
Nothing will be sacred...
I know you saw the picture of Michelle giving Obama dap. DAP, that's what WE call it. If you must ask WE who? both you and I have either lived very different lives, or perhaps you are from a different generation.
CNN now calls it the, "political fist bump." WTF. Naw, that was Michelle giving her man DAP before his acceptance speech. Some folks kiss, some folks hug, but apparently the Obama's give each other endearing DAP. That's something that is not foreign to US; however, it's now being exposed. It won't be long before you see two non-black WASP executives giving each other DAP upon the execution of a major contract.
I know you heard Anderson Cooper and Donna Brazille decipher if they were each other's BOO. While boo can be debated as to whether that's a derogatory and/or pathetic term to call your loved one, I always thought it had a simple cute ring to it. Matter of fact, my best work friend and I called each other, "work-boos." CNN also had a dissection of what the term Boo means.
I can say I've been at fault for sharing terms. Take for example bourgeois...or simply bougie. I said this around my all non-black co-workers and they were like, "huh...what is this bougie word that you speak of?" I thought EVERYBODY used that term, but apparently, that's something more common amongst US.
I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just concluding that endearing means of communication that are unique to the black American venacular are about to become mainstream with the Obama's in the spotlight.
CNN now calls it the, "political fist bump." WTF. Naw, that was Michelle giving her man DAP before his acceptance speech. Some folks kiss, some folks hug, but apparently the Obama's give each other endearing DAP. That's something that is not foreign to US; however, it's now being exposed. It won't be long before you see two non-black WASP executives giving each other DAP upon the execution of a major contract.
I know you heard Anderson Cooper and Donna Brazille decipher if they were each other's BOO. While boo can be debated as to whether that's a derogatory and/or pathetic term to call your loved one, I always thought it had a simple cute ring to it. Matter of fact, my best work friend and I called each other, "work-boos." CNN also had a dissection of what the term Boo means.
I can say I've been at fault for sharing terms. Take for example bourgeois...or simply bougie. I said this around my all non-black co-workers and they were like, "huh...what is this bougie word that you speak of?" I thought EVERYBODY used that term, but apparently, that's something more common amongst US.
I'm not saying it's bad, I'm just concluding that endearing means of communication that are unique to the black American venacular are about to become mainstream with the Obama's in the spotlight.
6.03.2008
Portia
Dear Grandma,
You never failed to write a card and send your love. Your birthday is coming up. I think of you quite often. There are several times when I tear up missing you. Every time I look at your daughter, my mother I see you. I look at my shape and thank you. My elbows are ashy right now, lol, if you were here, I am sure you'd comment and I'd run and get some lotion. And every time my bra strap shows, I tuck it away because I hear you telling me to. And I can sleep with the lights off because you gave me that sense of safety. That's actually quite profound now that I really think about that. The dark represents the unknown, you helped me to be fearless in the face of the unknown..in many more aspects of life. You taught me about love of people. You were the best conversationalist. You were the friendliest person...nobody was a stranger. Especially in Chester. You weren't wasteful at all...I still eat everything on my plate. And like you, I conserve paper towels, lol, if I just use them to dry my hands, I'll set it out to dry so that I can reuse it. When I'm too lazy to vacuum, sometimes I pick randoms off of the floor like you used to do. Sundays I wake up and I watch all of the Sunday morning news shows that you used to. And I've even come to appreciate and love my grandfather in a way that I believe that you think would be appropriate. I truly believe that he loved you. I live in your favorite city in the United States. You smelled wonderful, like Obsession mixed with spearmint gum. You are here with me in my hotel room right now, I am sure because you're presence is so overwhelmingly strong.
When I was coming of age, you told me what it means to be a democrat. You told me to always vote democrat. Did you ever think that your legacy would be alive to vote for a black democrat...for President?
Love,
Me
June 2, 2008
You never failed to write a card and send your love. Your birthday is coming up. I think of you quite often. There are several times when I tear up missing you. Every time I look at your daughter, my mother I see you. I look at my shape and thank you. My elbows are ashy right now, lol, if you were here, I am sure you'd comment and I'd run and get some lotion. And every time my bra strap shows, I tuck it away because I hear you telling me to. And I can sleep with the lights off because you gave me that sense of safety. That's actually quite profound now that I really think about that. The dark represents the unknown, you helped me to be fearless in the face of the unknown..in many more aspects of life. You taught me about love of people. You were the best conversationalist. You were the friendliest person...nobody was a stranger. Especially in Chester. You weren't wasteful at all...I still eat everything on my plate. And like you, I conserve paper towels, lol, if I just use them to dry my hands, I'll set it out to dry so that I can reuse it. When I'm too lazy to vacuum, sometimes I pick randoms off of the floor like you used to do. Sundays I wake up and I watch all of the Sunday morning news shows that you used to. And I've even come to appreciate and love my grandfather in a way that I believe that you think would be appropriate. I truly believe that he loved you. I live in your favorite city in the United States. You smelled wonderful, like Obsession mixed with spearmint gum. You are here with me in my hotel room right now, I am sure because you're presence is so overwhelmingly strong.
When I was coming of age, you told me what it means to be a democrat. You told me to always vote democrat. Did you ever think that your legacy would be alive to vote for a black democrat...for President?
Love,
Me
June 2, 2008
Where were you when Obama won the democratic nomination?
I was in Chili's in the Galleria Mall in Houston, Texas eating salmon, broccoli and rice. I called my best friend, my quasi-on-off-again boyfriend, and all of my family members.
Walking from the mall to the hotel, I told every random black person, "Obama just won the democratic nomination." They'd smile and sit a lil' taller.
I don't think people understand why this is monumental.
My grandmother remembers when her right to vote was reinforced (1963).
My father remembers when the schools in Durham, NC were desegregated (mid 1960s).
I remember being the ONLY black student in my elementary school in the 1980s.
NOW WE HAVE A BI-RACIAL (BLACK BY USA STANDARDS) PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE.
*FAINT*
WATCHING THE SPEECH
He LOVES his family. You see how intimate the lil' dap it up between them was. She looked at him and thought, "My Man," (c) Jay-Z.
Stop stop stop stop. This is crazy crazy crazy. Wonderful wonderful wonderful.
Walking from the mall to the hotel, I told every random black person, "Obama just won the democratic nomination." They'd smile and sit a lil' taller.
I don't think people understand why this is monumental.
My grandmother remembers when her right to vote was reinforced (1963).
My father remembers when the schools in Durham, NC were desegregated (mid 1960s).
I remember being the ONLY black student in my elementary school in the 1980s.
NOW WE HAVE A BI-RACIAL (BLACK BY USA STANDARDS) PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE.
*FAINT*
WATCHING THE SPEECH
He LOVES his family. You see how intimate the lil' dap it up between them was. She looked at him and thought, "My Man," (c) Jay-Z.
Stop stop stop stop. This is crazy crazy crazy. Wonderful wonderful wonderful.
5.31.2008
SEE SEX AND THE CITY
Best movie ever.
and there was even a tribute to Golden Girls...they named the new baby Rose.
This movie was better than most of the real life shit I see on these here innernets...it's about LOVE. Not that pretty shit that we see in fairy tales.
It's the love you have for a person even after they leave you alone at the alter.
It's the love you have for a person even after they cheat on you.
It's the love you have for a friend that has withheld information b/c they didn't know how to tell you their truth.
It's the love you have for a friend in their darkest, ugliest moments.
All too often do we leave people alone when they're down in the gutter. People...we need love. When somebody does you wrong...they need Mercy...the need Love. We don't treat others wrong because we hate them...we treat them wrong because we hate ourselves....Love is what a person needs most in their times of betrayal. Yes it's hard to give love when you feel like they don't deserve it...but LOVE (GOD) is what people NEED when they can't find the strength to love themselves...or you.
and there was even a tribute to Golden Girls...they named the new baby Rose.
This movie was better than most of the real life shit I see on these here innernets...it's about LOVE. Not that pretty shit that we see in fairy tales.
It's the love you have for a person even after they leave you alone at the alter.
It's the love you have for a person even after they cheat on you.
It's the love you have for a friend that has withheld information b/c they didn't know how to tell you their truth.
It's the love you have for a friend in their darkest, ugliest moments.
All too often do we leave people alone when they're down in the gutter. People...we need love. When somebody does you wrong...they need Mercy...the need Love. We don't treat others wrong because we hate them...we treat them wrong because we hate ourselves....Love is what a person needs most in their times of betrayal. Yes it's hard to give love when you feel like they don't deserve it...but LOVE (GOD) is what people NEED when they can't find the strength to love themselves...or you.
*teenage girl OMG squeal*
I feel bad, cuz my last post was all grown-up and serious...but OMG.... (edit - I changed the time of posting so that the SATC would come after this...figured, I'd end on a mature note for the night).
So I live in Ohio from kindergarden through 9th grade (10 years). My formative years were spent there. I got madd love for all my experiences that happened there. (even if I am a bit jaded and assimilated more than your average black person).
The class of 1999 high school graduation is being planned and on facebook, I've been able to reconnect to a handful of people.
With that being said. As a little girl I had the BIGGEST crush on this guy...we'll call him Trinidad. Why, because he was from Trinidad.
I don't know how you grew up, but to me there were essentially 4 races, and I didn't understand the concept of Globalization. Black, white yellow and brown. Quite honestly, not until 2008 did I understand that "West Indians" were called as such because a lot of Indians...from India...were transported to the islands. I just thought they were mixed african/european decent ending up in the darker skin with the silky hair.
So Trinidad - growing up I always thought he was black...black American. In my older age, I understand that good portion of people from Trinidad/Tobago trace their roots to India rather than Africa. So dude wasn't African-American or Black. He was "West Indian." Growing up in an all white town, he did as most did - assimilate and only like white girls.
So on facebook, I found him, sent a friend invite and a silly msg saying, "I moved away in '96, but you haven't changed a bit." He responded, "looking good girl, looks like you made it south, i still look like im young but im a grown ass man girl haha"
Seriously, I got up off the couch and did a happy girl dance. I am planning on going back. I might try to make the most of my elementary/middle school fantasies with the dude. He likes him some chocolate these days!!!! :-) Hoooray.
So I live in Ohio from kindergarden through 9th grade (10 years). My formative years were spent there. I got madd love for all my experiences that happened there. (even if I am a bit jaded and assimilated more than your average black person).
The class of 1999 high school graduation is being planned and on facebook, I've been able to reconnect to a handful of people.
With that being said. As a little girl I had the BIGGEST crush on this guy...we'll call him Trinidad. Why, because he was from Trinidad.
I don't know how you grew up, but to me there were essentially 4 races, and I didn't understand the concept of Globalization. Black, white yellow and brown. Quite honestly, not until 2008 did I understand that "West Indians" were called as such because a lot of Indians...from India...were transported to the islands. I just thought they were mixed african/european decent ending up in the darker skin with the silky hair.
So Trinidad - growing up I always thought he was black...black American. In my older age, I understand that good portion of people from Trinidad/Tobago trace their roots to India rather than Africa. So dude wasn't African-American or Black. He was "West Indian." Growing up in an all white town, he did as most did - assimilate and only like white girls.
So on facebook, I found him, sent a friend invite and a silly msg saying, "I moved away in '96, but you haven't changed a bit." He responded, "looking good girl, looks like you made it south, i still look like im young but im a grown ass man girl haha"
Seriously, I got up off the couch and did a happy girl dance. I am planning on going back. I might try to make the most of my elementary/middle school fantasies with the dude. He likes him some chocolate these days!!!! :-) Hoooray.
5.30.2008
Tipping Point
My team decides to take advantage of this slow, quiet Friday by taking an hour and a half lunch to eat at a local restaurant. Red offers to drive and she suggests that a smaller 3rd person ride with her in the MiniCooper. Me being the smallest person and HUNGRY says sure, I've never ridden in one...let's go.
On our lil' trip to the resaraunt, she mentions that her and her life partner are selling their jeep and are going to function with one car for at least a year. Her S/O drops her off at the bus stop that is a 10 minute walk from their house and she takes MARTA into work. MARTA IS SMARTA. At $4/gallon, this is SMART. This is truly a tipping point.
People kept guessing what the tipping point would be. When gas was at $2.99/gallon folks vowed to change their habits if it hit $3.50/gallon...but they didn't. They may have cut out a few joy-rides, but there was no drastic change. But selling a car and taking public transportation - that truly represents a tipping point. I wonder how long until I follow her lead. Or what else I will sacrifice so that I can afford my commute to work.
Seocnd - WHY OH WHY is there so much hoopla about Scott McKellen? Have folks not read The Assualt on Reason? Al Gore made the same claims. I suppose you wouldn't expect the truth to come from inside your house. Great leaders within G.Bush's administration started dropping like flies because they saw through the bullish and didn't want to be caught up in the legacy of lies. Perhaps we should be mad at them for being complacent when they knew Bush's lack of debate and reason was evident.
Third - I just saw news about Pakistan's government's involvment in Nuclear Weapon information and support of Iran/N. Korea. I got to thinking. If people were half as preoccupied with the threat that this could pose to America as they are about same-sex unions....oh nevermind, same-sex unions cause Nuclear Weapons. Like really, if in the next 5 years there was a nuclear assualt on US territory more catastrophic than that of 9/11, would the fact that two men got married REALLY be important? Perhaps in some folk's last breath they'd say..."but it was Adam and Eve....not Adam and Ste," ....flatline.
Fourth - Yea!!! Just signed up with a summer kickball league :-) Got to dust off my kickball skills. In all actuality, I'm quite excited / yet anxious to meet new people. The team is organized through the Alumni Association. I really haven't gotten to know my "Majority" Alumni in the area and my black Alumni organization doesn't do sports leagues. WTF - Why must we be so divided?
On our lil' trip to the resaraunt, she mentions that her and her life partner are selling their jeep and are going to function with one car for at least a year. Her S/O drops her off at the bus stop that is a 10 minute walk from their house and she takes MARTA into work. MARTA IS SMARTA. At $4/gallon, this is SMART. This is truly a tipping point.
People kept guessing what the tipping point would be. When gas was at $2.99/gallon folks vowed to change their habits if it hit $3.50/gallon...but they didn't. They may have cut out a few joy-rides, but there was no drastic change. But selling a car and taking public transportation - that truly represents a tipping point. I wonder how long until I follow her lead. Or what else I will sacrifice so that I can afford my commute to work.
Seocnd - WHY OH WHY is there so much hoopla about Scott McKellen? Have folks not read The Assualt on Reason? Al Gore made the same claims. I suppose you wouldn't expect the truth to come from inside your house. Great leaders within G.Bush's administration started dropping like flies because they saw through the bullish and didn't want to be caught up in the legacy of lies. Perhaps we should be mad at them for being complacent when they knew Bush's lack of debate and reason was evident.
Third - I just saw news about Pakistan's government's involvment in Nuclear Weapon information and support of Iran/N. Korea. I got to thinking. If people were half as preoccupied with the threat that this could pose to America as they are about same-sex unions....oh nevermind, same-sex unions cause Nuclear Weapons. Like really, if in the next 5 years there was a nuclear assualt on US territory more catastrophic than that of 9/11, would the fact that two men got married REALLY be important? Perhaps in some folk's last breath they'd say..."but it was Adam and Eve....not Adam and Ste," ....flatline.
Fourth - Yea!!! Just signed up with a summer kickball league :-) Got to dust off my kickball skills. In all actuality, I'm quite excited / yet anxious to meet new people. The team is organized through the Alumni Association. I really haven't gotten to know my "Majority" Alumni in the area and my black Alumni organization doesn't do sports leagues. WTF - Why must we be so divided?
Shits n' Giggles
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
-Anonymous
Please advise anonymous.
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them:
When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?
I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?
A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?
Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
-Anonymous
Please advise anonymous.
Men: It must be harder than I thought
My recent conversations with FIGO have made my *heart* go out to you men.
I'm not saying that I'm the MOST impressive woman out there. Heck, there is a LOT more that I could be doing. But I'm not half shabby.
But on more than one occassion he has said, "wow, that's really unique," or "wow, I'm surprised."
Clearly his experiences with other women have set the bar pretty low.
Yes, I'm decisive (especially when it comes to dining).
Yes, I've been educated at a top-notch University.
Yes, I've got a bubbly personality but like to read BBC news and have serious discussions.
Yes, I like fishing, hiking, watching sports.
Yes, I was the co-captain of the basketball team many moons ago.
Yes, I have opinions and I'm not scared to voice them.
Yes, I've done a lil' bit of traveling and am down for adventure.
IMO, he's got potential to attract quality women as well. He's a gentleman, got a nice build, has a sense of humor, can converse about an array of topics, has good job that affords him some nice material things, has had a quality up-bringing. I could see where the flighty woman might say he's too nice. He's a bit older (35) than I'd prefer; however, he's focused on his career...he's had jobs in which he travels more than 30% of the time for quite some time, which makes it difficult to sustain a relationship.
I'm not saying that I'm the MOST impressive woman out there. Heck, there is a LOT more that I could be doing. But I'm not half shabby.
But on more than one occassion he has said, "wow, that's really unique," or "wow, I'm surprised."
Clearly his experiences with other women have set the bar pretty low.
Yes, I'm decisive (especially when it comes to dining).
Yes, I've been educated at a top-notch University.
Yes, I've got a bubbly personality but like to read BBC news and have serious discussions.
Yes, I like fishing, hiking, watching sports.
Yes, I was the co-captain of the basketball team many moons ago.
Yes, I have opinions and I'm not scared to voice them.
Yes, I've done a lil' bit of traveling and am down for adventure.
IMO, he's got potential to attract quality women as well. He's a gentleman, got a nice build, has a sense of humor, can converse about an array of topics, has good job that affords him some nice material things, has had a quality up-bringing. I could see where the flighty woman might say he's too nice. He's a bit older (35) than I'd prefer; however, he's focused on his career...he's had jobs in which he travels more than 30% of the time for quite some time, which makes it difficult to sustain a relationship.
Posting while tipsy...
Went to one of my favorite establishments on a Thurs night in my city.
I really haven't been out in a minute. People were like, "wow, I haven't seen you in so long. Where have you been?" Glad to know that I am missed. I don't like saturating the scene...not trying to be a cheap commodity.
I stepped his game up for him. He's so tall and has a brilliant smile, so he gets a slight pass. He's got a good heart, he's just young and moved to ATL (too many attractive quality women). It's cool dude, we're adults...we don't "watch movies" anymore. That's how you bait a college chic over to your house. Conversation and genuine interest work a bit better.
BUY Estelle NOW. Her CD is priceless.
I really haven't been out in a minute. People were like, "wow, I haven't seen you in so long. Where have you been?" Glad to know that I am missed. I don't like saturating the scene...not trying to be a cheap commodity.
I stepped his game up for him. He's so tall and has a brilliant smile, so he gets a slight pass. He's got a good heart, he's just young and moved to ATL (too many attractive quality women). It's cool dude, we're adults...we don't "watch movies" anymore. That's how you bait a college chic over to your house. Conversation and genuine interest work a bit better.
BUY Estelle NOW. Her CD is priceless.
5.28.2008
Do people think cheating is a phenomena of the 2000s
Is this just something that's new between 1990 and 2008?
There is a follow-up to this question....
There is a follow-up to this question....
What I love about being a black woman
I bit this topic from my favorite black-pop-culture website
What I love about being a black woman is that often times people have stereotypes about black women that I don't fit. So I surprise them and rise above their low expectations.
Perhaps that wasn't a good topic to expand upon because I'm drawing blanks left and right about more specific things I love about being a black woman.
What I love about being a black woman is that often times people have stereotypes about black women that I don't fit. So I surprise them and rise above their low expectations.
Perhaps that wasn't a good topic to expand upon because I'm drawing blanks left and right about more specific things I love about being a black woman.
5.23.2008
Beauty and other things..
Bikini Wax
So I called to make an appointment to get a wax. My waxonista is on vacation, so I'm getting a new person for the occassion. This is like having sex the first time with somebody new. I'm nervous.
Hair
As a woman, I've probably spent thousands over my lifetime on the perfect concoction of hair care products. I've slipped into the boobie trap in which the more you pay the better your hair looks.
Well, it appears that everything comes full circle.
I started out on Pan "Don't hate me because I'm beautifl," Tene.
Then I tried Motions - which ended up weighing down my hair.
Next...for a long time and even now sometimes Paul Mitchell.
But I got cheap recently and started using Pantene again. My hair shines like never before.
Throwback for your enjoyment:
So I called to make an appointment to get a wax. My waxonista is on vacation, so I'm getting a new person for the occassion. This is like having sex the first time with somebody new. I'm nervous.
Hair
As a woman, I've probably spent thousands over my lifetime on the perfect concoction of hair care products. I've slipped into the boobie trap in which the more you pay the better your hair looks.
Well, it appears that everything comes full circle.
I started out on Pan "Don't hate me because I'm beautifl," Tene.
Then I tried Motions - which ended up weighing down my hair.
Next...for a long time and even now sometimes Paul Mitchell.
But I got cheap recently and started using Pantene again. My hair shines like never before.
Throwback for your enjoyment:
5.22.2008
I'm bad at Chess, and that is OK with me.
With all this talk about dating being cut n' dry easy. If you're just not into him or he's just not into you ...move on. Most of this from single people. I developed a rule within the past 2 years...to primarily take advice from married people, or people in successful committed relationships. I don't think relationships are easy and I certainly think that there is an element of patience that people need to have on so many levels. Nobody is perfect, timing is not always right etc...so to cut somebody off at the knee-cap after the first woopah is rather rash...IMO.
With that being said, the other day this guy at work sparked up a brief conversation. We exchanged names, he sent an e-mail to ask me out to lunch. I wasn't head over heels attracted to him, but what the heck, why not go out with him? So we just got back from our lunch date and I think his personality is really dope. We have similar elitist tendencies (it's not that deep - we're school snobs) and have similar outlooks on dating in ATL, education, politics etc. I found it funny that he visibly attempted to search for politically correct things to say; however, I prefer to skip over the facade of who we assume will impress the other person. So I encouraged him to stop searching for "the right word," and say what came to mind. I feel like I could've talked to him all afternoon. I can't sit here and say that I started fantasizing about naughty things while talking to him...but I figure I'll give it a few more dates before I push him completely into the friend bucket. So after the date he sametimes me and we have the following convo:
SunFresh: I definitely had a good time at lunch...thank you again. Decent food :-)~ Good conversation!
FIGO: Thanks...i thoroughly enjoyed myself. It's refreshing to finally meet someone u can sit with for an hour and not immediately put them in the 'no' category.
SunFresh: lol - I hear that! Perhaps we can catch up before you head out of country or when you get back
FIGO: wow SunFresh...ur right to the point...and that i definitely like. takes all the pressure off of me! LOL
SunFresh: let's just say I'm not good at Chess, even worse at the game of "dating" I don't really try to calcluate the next move
FIGO: yeah, i call it shooting from the hip. it works wonders in this dating thing....as i'm slowly learning. and yes, i would love to get together again....b4 i go.
We made plans to go before he flies out of country for work...
SunFresh sounds good to me! SunFresh phone (xxx-xxx-xxxx). What is your # so that I don't ignore the call when it pops up lol
FIGO: geez, i couldnt type fast enough to ask!
SunFresh: wow - maybe i should attempt to be a bit more coy
FIGO: NO! if u only knew. be exactly like u r.
A few observations...he's 35 (*sigh* why do I attract older men?). He's got his MBA from a top 20, travels extensively. He alluded to the fact that he's seeking more stability in his life. He wonders why I'm single b/c he said that I'm attractive and he's sure that guys approach me all the time (true..but quantity < quality). I gather that he's not over-the top confident and recognizes that he can attract women with his personality rather than being that super-flashy dude.
With that being said, the other day this guy at work sparked up a brief conversation. We exchanged names, he sent an e-mail to ask me out to lunch. I wasn't head over heels attracted to him, but what the heck, why not go out with him? So we just got back from our lunch date and I think his personality is really dope. We have similar elitist tendencies (it's not that deep - we're school snobs) and have similar outlooks on dating in ATL, education, politics etc. I found it funny that he visibly attempted to search for politically correct things to say; however, I prefer to skip over the facade of who we assume will impress the other person. So I encouraged him to stop searching for "the right word," and say what came to mind. I feel like I could've talked to him all afternoon. I can't sit here and say that I started fantasizing about naughty things while talking to him...but I figure I'll give it a few more dates before I push him completely into the friend bucket. So after the date he sametimes me and we have the following convo:
SunFresh: I definitely had a good time at lunch...thank you again. Decent food :-)~ Good conversation!
FIGO: Thanks...i thoroughly enjoyed myself. It's refreshing to finally meet someone u can sit with for an hour and not immediately put them in the 'no' category.
SunFresh: lol - I hear that! Perhaps we can catch up before you head out of country or when you get back
FIGO: wow SunFresh...ur right to the point...and that i definitely like. takes all the pressure off of me! LOL
SunFresh: let's just say I'm not good at Chess, even worse at the game of "dating" I don't really try to calcluate the next move
FIGO: yeah, i call it shooting from the hip. it works wonders in this dating thing....as i'm slowly learning. and yes, i would love to get together again....b4 i go.
We made plans to go before he flies out of country for work...
SunFresh sounds good to me! SunFresh phone (xxx-xxx-xxxx). What is your # so that I don't ignore the call when it pops up lol
FIGO: geez, i couldnt type fast enough to ask!
SunFresh: wow - maybe i should attempt to be a bit more coy
FIGO: NO! if u only knew. be exactly like u r.
A few observations...he's 35 (*sigh* why do I attract older men?). He's got his MBA from a top 20, travels extensively. He alluded to the fact that he's seeking more stability in his life. He wonders why I'm single b/c he said that I'm attractive and he's sure that guys approach me all the time (true..but quantity < quality). I gather that he's not over-the top confident and recognizes that he can attract women with his personality rather than being that super-flashy dude.
5.21.2008
Honor, Integrity and Respect
Words of the week. We all get the textbook definition of them; however, it's much harder to practice than to define at times.
I can honestly say that I've been struggling with these qualities lately. Not because I'm a base or bad person, but because I'm non-confrontational and have a desire to go with the flow. Plus I tend to vent on these here internets...which at times gives you false sense of privacy amongst strangers. As they say at disney..it's a small world after all.
There are two recent situations in which I avoided and/or did not express my true thoughts (thus not demonstrating honor, integrity and respect).
So upon self-epiphanies...the logical next step is to move away from what you feel you are lacking. First question...why am I non-confrontational and/or like to go with the flow?
At times I associate these qualities with "bitchiness." For example, if you are doing something that I don't like, but isn't detrimental to me or others, rather than telling you, I'll just avoid you. I could call you out for this "thing" that you're doing, but I might feel like I'm being -nit-picky and bitchy.
Often times the right decisions/actions don't FEEL good. For example, instead telling you what I didn't care for but wasn't detrimental, I might vent to another person, because I find relief in getting it off my chest.
Often times I perceive that the assumed consequences of confrontation are worse than non-confrontation. For example if I think telling you XYZ might damage or distort an otherwise comfortable situation, I might opt to do nothing.
But ohhh the conundrum - sometimes it's hard to confront people you don't care much for...like at work, ditzy chic did a LOT of annoying stuff, but it took a VERY drastic situation for me to confront her. I would've let her slide on quite a bit b/c while it's annoying it doesn't affect my working situation and my job values her. So instead I just avoid her and try to distance. While this situation isn't quite what I'm having my epiphany over - it's very representative of the situations that got me to this epiphany.
And don't think your immune. We all have times when we get out of line...but it's more about how you recognize your wrong and go about making a right.
Ehh - this post was more for me to really think things out.
I can honestly say that I've been struggling with these qualities lately. Not because I'm a base or bad person, but because I'm non-confrontational and have a desire to go with the flow. Plus I tend to vent on these here internets...which at times gives you false sense of privacy amongst strangers. As they say at disney..it's a small world after all.
There are two recent situations in which I avoided and/or did not express my true thoughts (thus not demonstrating honor, integrity and respect).
So upon self-epiphanies...the logical next step is to move away from what you feel you are lacking. First question...why am I non-confrontational and/or like to go with the flow?
At times I associate these qualities with "bitchiness." For example, if you are doing something that I don't like, but isn't detrimental to me or others, rather than telling you, I'll just avoid you. I could call you out for this "thing" that you're doing, but I might feel like I'm being -nit-picky and bitchy.
Often times the right decisions/actions don't FEEL good. For example, instead telling you what I didn't care for but wasn't detrimental, I might vent to another person, because I find relief in getting it off my chest.
Often times I perceive that the assumed consequences of confrontation are worse than non-confrontation. For example if I think telling you XYZ might damage or distort an otherwise comfortable situation, I might opt to do nothing.
But ohhh the conundrum - sometimes it's hard to confront people you don't care much for...like at work, ditzy chic did a LOT of annoying stuff, but it took a VERY drastic situation for me to confront her. I would've let her slide on quite a bit b/c while it's annoying it doesn't affect my working situation and my job values her. So instead I just avoid her and try to distance. While this situation isn't quite what I'm having my epiphany over - it's very representative of the situations that got me to this epiphany.
And don't think your immune. We all have times when we get out of line...but it's more about how you recognize your wrong and go about making a right.
Ehh - this post was more for me to really think things out.
Menz...
To capture my love life, or lack thereof...
Cooled things off with two-year man. We're still friends, that's just it...we work best as friends. Oh - and I'm going to the wedding rehearsal and wedding with him. Hopefully I can convince him to go to MJQ afterward, even though that place isn't his style.
Had a vacationship encounter with a fellow that has potential. However, he's made it pretty clear that since he just moved to ATL, he's content in being an attractive, tall, educated guy with good money: READ - Women are doing stupid shit to get his attention and I don't really care to get on their level.
Met a random dude in the hall Monday morning at work. We had a brief introduction and I get a random e-mail from him. First e-mail is to confirm that he had the right person. I had half the mind to say no...but I said yes. Second e-mail was to ask me to lunch. Really? Picking up women in work in such a direct, forward manner. Is that PC? Is that okay? He's not in my group and I would never cross paths with him professionally.
Ran into dude @ work that I previously had a semi-crush on. A birdie told me that he's not so-much into women. Upon this second meeting, I don't understand why I didn't pick that up the first couple of times that I saw him.
Cooled things off with two-year man. We're still friends, that's just it...we work best as friends. Oh - and I'm going to the wedding rehearsal and wedding with him. Hopefully I can convince him to go to MJQ afterward, even though that place isn't his style.
Had a vacationship encounter with a fellow that has potential. However, he's made it pretty clear that since he just moved to ATL, he's content in being an attractive, tall, educated guy with good money: READ - Women are doing stupid shit to get his attention and I don't really care to get on their level.
Met a random dude in the hall Monday morning at work. We had a brief introduction and I get a random e-mail from him. First e-mail is to confirm that he had the right person. I had half the mind to say no...but I said yes. Second e-mail was to ask me to lunch. Really? Picking up women in work in such a direct, forward manner. Is that PC? Is that okay? He's not in my group and I would never cross paths with him professionally.
Ran into dude @ work that I previously had a semi-crush on. A birdie told me that he's not so-much into women. Upon this second meeting, I don't understand why I didn't pick that up the first couple of times that I saw him.
5.20.2008
5.19.2008
Rehearsal Dinner vs. Black Thought
First, if you know who Black Thought is you gained 2 cool points in my book. I'm an Avid "The Roots," fan. Such the fan that I was planning on going to see ?love and Black Thought do a set at MJQ on Friday night. Apparently ?love is going to DJ and play some songs off of the new album. Not quite a concert, but quite awesome. Plus I have an ugly man crush on Black Thought.
Well, the ex and I were just casually talking and he invites me to his brother's wedding rehearsal dinner...and the wedding. I said yes b/c I didn't want to say no. But now I'm kinda freaked out. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him...but a family wedding. It is so intimate and personal. I am already feeling awkward. *bitch relax*.
My favorite The Roots song
Most relevant lines...
Your first impression might be I'm a asshole
Or say I'm sometimey and give people a hassle
Or try to suntouch and put the heat in the capsule
Dog I'm far deeper than that though; I get in the zone
Recognize I'm a rolling stone
No time to lollygag or lounge with scaliwags
Well, the ex and I were just casually talking and he invites me to his brother's wedding rehearsal dinner...and the wedding. I said yes b/c I didn't want to say no. But now I'm kinda freaked out. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him...but a family wedding. It is so intimate and personal. I am already feeling awkward. *bitch relax*.
My favorite The Roots song
Most relevant lines...
Your first impression might be I'm a asshole
Or say I'm sometimey and give people a hassle
Or try to suntouch and put the heat in the capsule
Dog I'm far deeper than that though; I get in the zone
Recognize I'm a rolling stone
No time to lollygag or lounge with scaliwags
5.18.2008
God vs. Tire
Ladies...
say you were in the beginning stages of kicking it with a fellow. chemistry was there, you got along.
well your girlfriend's car gets a flat tire on the street that he lives on, but you're with her and you two would feel more comfortable if a man could either stay with you while AAA came or changed the tire himself. You give him a call asking for his help and he says, "nope, I'm going to church." He doesn't offer any alternatives.
Do you continue to date him?
My take on it...going to church is practice, helping a person out is the game. He's about to be put on the bench...permanently.
say you were in the beginning stages of kicking it with a fellow. chemistry was there, you got along.
well your girlfriend's car gets a flat tire on the street that he lives on, but you're with her and you two would feel more comfortable if a man could either stay with you while AAA came or changed the tire himself. You give him a call asking for his help and he says, "nope, I'm going to church." He doesn't offer any alternatives.
Do you continue to date him?
My take on it...going to church is practice, helping a person out is the game. He's about to be put on the bench...permanently.
Ovaries vs. Brain
I'm contemplating going back to school to get an MBA. How did I come to this conclusion? I'm 27 and have no prospects for a husband which will lead to a child...AKA: The nice little ferry tale life that is sold to you from birth until the present.
So I'm wondering if a B-School personal statement could go something like this: I'm not using my ovaries, so as an alternative, I'm going to use my brain.
I want another accomplishment by the time that I'm 30. If I enroll in the 2009 year, I'll graduate 2 months after my 30th. Then I'll be on my way to making 6 figures. I remember when my first degree was conferred upon me - it was such an overwhelmingly magnificent feeling. I took SO much pride in it. I want that feeling again. I've lost stamina and B-School will reenergize me.
So I'm wondering if a B-School personal statement could go something like this: I'm not using my ovaries, so as an alternative, I'm going to use my brain.
I want another accomplishment by the time that I'm 30. If I enroll in the 2009 year, I'll graduate 2 months after my 30th. Then I'll be on my way to making 6 figures. I remember when my first degree was conferred upon me - it was such an overwhelmingly magnificent feeling. I took SO much pride in it. I want that feeling again. I've lost stamina and B-School will reenergize me.
5.12.2008
5.10.2008
Confession
If I were rich, or married rich (or at least didn't have to work)...I would intensely train for a professional cheerleading squad.
I spent the last hour and a half absorbing the Marking of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading. I want the body, the beauty, the fun, the recognition. It looks Magical! lol
I spent the last hour and a half absorbing the Marking of Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading. I want the body, the beauty, the fun, the recognition. It looks Magical! lol
5.09.2008
I almost cussed out a person @ work.
Read Envoy Ride first. That's the background to this almost-cuss-out-situation. Characters, White dude = Dasani. Korean chic = Coffeemate. Black girl by way of Jamiaca = Jamaica. Me...Me/Sunfresh.
Manager lady left the audit team Wednesday after lunch. Almost immediately Coffeemate started acting differently. She was casually cussing at the computer, and started bleeping out random out of context thoughts.
For example she'd start telling a story with, "Yeah, Jason and I used to go to the park." Except, Jason was some guy that none of us had ever met nor heard of. So one day I said, "Who is Jason?" Thinking that perhaps I should have known who he is and that my memory was failing me. "Ohh, he's my ex-boyfriend." (from 6 years ago mind you). Another irritating thing that I questioned her on...she said 3 times that we should have stayed in a Westin or Marriott. I'm not here to debate which one is better. We stay in Hiltons because we have a great contract rate and free full service breakfast + free room internet. The first time I explained this to her. The second time I said, "well you're working for the wrong company." Third time, "Why don't you call our Corporate travel agency and see if Westin/Marriott has contracted rates as low as Hilton with full service breakfast and free room internet." WTF. Ok, I digress...the drama comes.
I forget how she transitioned into this comment; however, out of her mouth comes, "She looks Atlantian black." Jamaica and I sit back and get quiet for a moment because we're thinking, "WTF does Atlantian black LOOK like?"
Me: Do I look Atlantian Black?
Coffeemate: No
Jamaica: Do I look Atlantian Black?
Coffeemate: No, you know what I'm trying to say.
Me. No really, I don't.
Coffeemate: SunFresh, you know So-n-So at old firm. She looks Atlantian Black. (Dasani and Jamaica don't know this woman, so they need additional clarification).
Dasani: Does Manager who was here earlier this week look Atlantian Black?
Coffeemate: Yes.
Dasani senses that Jamaica and I are either highly irritated and/or slightly offended and says something in a joking tone. This apparently upsets Coffeemate and then Coffeemate looses her cool.
Coffeemate (directed at Dasani): I'm sick of you interrogating me. You say inappropriate stuff...*rant rant rant* Dasani, see you're just a dumb white boy from ATL_Suburb, Georgia.
The room went dead silent. Dasani didn't repsond because he didn't want to validate her racist comment. Everybody else was in part shocked not knowing what to say. We were in the process of packing up for the day and in one car was Dasani, Jamaica and me.
Dasani was baffled as to what exactly he said to set her off.
The more I thought about it, the more offended and PISSED I was. Had she been a white girl calling a black man dumb, her ass would've been fired. In my mind, it doesn't matter that the guy is white. Her comment was absolutely unacceptable and in most cases would be grounds for immediately dismissal. I apologized to the white guy for having had to hear such a racist comment. He's a pretty level-headed dude and said that he wasn't as much concerned about the racist reference, as much as what did he do to piss her off.
That evening we realized that we HAD to confront her. Her rant in part was her feeling not as welcomed at a new job as she would like, and that we constantly questioned comments that she said. So we decided to apologize for that. So next morning we say, can we talk to you.
Jamaica apologized for anything that she may have said to make Coffeemate feel uncomfortable. Dasani asks what he did to upset her. (apparently she felt like we collectively interrogated her and took out all her frustrations on him, which made him feel more at ease).
Me: I'm sorry if you feel like I did something to make you feel uncomfortable and I can understand that you were upset and told Dasani about things that he personally did to upset you; however, it was absolutely UNACCEPTABLE to call him a dumb white boy from ATL_Suburb. I mean, even I was extremely offended when you said that.
Coffeemate: I didn't say that.
The entire room: YES YOU DID.
Me:Furthermore, saying racist type comments is grounds for being fired.
Coffeemate: SunFresh, you should know me better than to think...
Me: Really I don't know you.
Coffeemate: Well, I don't have a racist bone in my body. I've NEVER had this type of reaction from people at old-firm.
Me: Well, one thing to learn from this experience, is to not call anybody a dumb white person. I suggest you be very thoughtful/careful when referring to other races.
Coffeemate: I've never had this type of reaction. But okay. I will NEVER say anything about white/black or whatever type people.
Me: I think that is a good idea.
Coffeemate: I didn't think you all would talk about this. It happened yesterday, I've moved on.
Us: Well, after you made those racist comments, we all felt unresolved.
Weird thing, after this discussion, she was distant yet somewhat friendly. The CRAZY chic denied the situation and went on like nothing happened. The fact that she discounted her blow up and denied saying the racist comment leads me to believe that she is crazy and to not associate with her.
Questions for the peanut gallery:
1) Would you inform a manager about the situaiton?
2) If you were Dasani, would you want to work on another project with her?
3) WTF does a black Atlantian look like?
Manager lady left the audit team Wednesday after lunch. Almost immediately Coffeemate started acting differently. She was casually cussing at the computer, and started bleeping out random out of context thoughts.
For example she'd start telling a story with, "Yeah, Jason and I used to go to the park." Except, Jason was some guy that none of us had ever met nor heard of. So one day I said, "Who is Jason?" Thinking that perhaps I should have known who he is and that my memory was failing me. "Ohh, he's my ex-boyfriend." (from 6 years ago mind you). Another irritating thing that I questioned her on...she said 3 times that we should have stayed in a Westin or Marriott. I'm not here to debate which one is better. We stay in Hiltons because we have a great contract rate and free full service breakfast + free room internet. The first time I explained this to her. The second time I said, "well you're working for the wrong company." Third time, "Why don't you call our Corporate travel agency and see if Westin/Marriott has contracted rates as low as Hilton with full service breakfast and free room internet." WTF. Ok, I digress...the drama comes.
I forget how she transitioned into this comment; however, out of her mouth comes, "She looks Atlantian black." Jamaica and I sit back and get quiet for a moment because we're thinking, "WTF does Atlantian black LOOK like?"
Me: Do I look Atlantian Black?
Coffeemate: No
Jamaica: Do I look Atlantian Black?
Coffeemate: No, you know what I'm trying to say.
Me. No really, I don't.
Coffeemate: SunFresh, you know So-n-So at old firm. She looks Atlantian Black. (Dasani and Jamaica don't know this woman, so they need additional clarification).
Dasani: Does Manager who was here earlier this week look Atlantian Black?
Coffeemate: Yes.
Dasani senses that Jamaica and I are either highly irritated and/or slightly offended and says something in a joking tone. This apparently upsets Coffeemate and then Coffeemate looses her cool.
Coffeemate (directed at Dasani): I'm sick of you interrogating me. You say inappropriate stuff...*rant rant rant* Dasani, see you're just a dumb white boy from ATL_Suburb, Georgia.
The room went dead silent. Dasani didn't repsond because he didn't want to validate her racist comment. Everybody else was in part shocked not knowing what to say. We were in the process of packing up for the day and in one car was Dasani, Jamaica and me.
Dasani was baffled as to what exactly he said to set her off.
The more I thought about it, the more offended and PISSED I was. Had she been a white girl calling a black man dumb, her ass would've been fired. In my mind, it doesn't matter that the guy is white. Her comment was absolutely unacceptable and in most cases would be grounds for immediately dismissal. I apologized to the white guy for having had to hear such a racist comment. He's a pretty level-headed dude and said that he wasn't as much concerned about the racist reference, as much as what did he do to piss her off.
That evening we realized that we HAD to confront her. Her rant in part was her feeling not as welcomed at a new job as she would like, and that we constantly questioned comments that she said. So we decided to apologize for that. So next morning we say, can we talk to you.
Jamaica apologized for anything that she may have said to make Coffeemate feel uncomfortable. Dasani asks what he did to upset her. (apparently she felt like we collectively interrogated her and took out all her frustrations on him, which made him feel more at ease).
Me: I'm sorry if you feel like I did something to make you feel uncomfortable and I can understand that you were upset and told Dasani about things that he personally did to upset you; however, it was absolutely UNACCEPTABLE to call him a dumb white boy from ATL_Suburb. I mean, even I was extremely offended when you said that.
Coffeemate: I didn't say that.
The entire room: YES YOU DID.
Me:Furthermore, saying racist type comments is grounds for being fired.
Coffeemate: SunFresh, you should know me better than to think...
Me: Really I don't know you.
Coffeemate: Well, I don't have a racist bone in my body. I've NEVER had this type of reaction from people at old-firm.
Me: Well, one thing to learn from this experience, is to not call anybody a dumb white person. I suggest you be very thoughtful/careful when referring to other races.
Coffeemate: I've never had this type of reaction. But okay. I will NEVER say anything about white/black or whatever type people.
Me: I think that is a good idea.
Coffeemate: I didn't think you all would talk about this. It happened yesterday, I've moved on.
Us: Well, after you made those racist comments, we all felt unresolved.
Weird thing, after this discussion, she was distant yet somewhat friendly. The CRAZY chic denied the situation and went on like nothing happened. The fact that she discounted her blow up and denied saying the racist comment leads me to believe that she is crazy and to not associate with her.
Questions for the peanut gallery:
1) Would you inform a manager about the situaiton?
2) If you were Dasani, would you want to work on another project with her?
3) WTF does a black Atlantian look like?
5.07.2008
Envoy Ride
I'm out of town on business. My team consists of relatively young (33-27) year olds and a part of the audit culture is to talk freely about life, both personal and professional. For those who are not aware of "audit culture," ...coming out of college, you work most intimately (and by intimate I mean 4-7 people sitting in one conference room) with people aged 30 and under and spend more time at work than you do with friends/family (There are times when I worked anywhere between 60 to 70 hours/week for 3 months consistently). So it's a culture in which you develop personal relationships with those that you work with because you spend so much time with them.
In the Envoy was an Asain woman, Cuacasion Male, Black-American (by way of Jamaica) and Me - Black-American, the mutt who can trace both paternal and maternal ancestors back to slavery. We had an interesting dialogue about experiences with race growing up.
The asian woman was raised by a Caucasian family in an all Caucasian town. As a disclaimer, she tends to say off the wall things that leave your jaw open, thinking "OMG, did she just say that?" She flat out said, "White people ask me dumb ass questions. The stupidest thing a white person has ever asked me is can you see?"
The white guy said, "well isn't that more of a reflection of the people that you were around? Ignorance doesn't discriminate and if you're only around white people, it doesn't surprise me that a stupid question like that would come up. But you could get the same ignorant question if you were the only Asian around all blacks, all Indians, all Hispanics." Good point, ignorance doesn't discriminate.
Then I told her that as a black person that grew up around all whites, I took on some of their prejudices toward black people. At the most extreme time, I had a lot of self-hate as a result of being infused with their prejudices. I didn't think I was an attractive person as a child because 1) I didn't have the same physical attributes (swingy hair, skinny body, blue/green/grey eyes, button and/or long instead of wide nose etc) and 2) I was flat out told that the only pretty black woman was Whitney Houston, that I was ugly or that I was a nigger. I think that surprised the white guy because now, I come off as confident and am not half bad looking.
However, those feelings of insecurity amongst all whites when it comes to beauty have definitely carried over to adulthood. I indicated that especially in the south, if I get all dolled up and go out to bars/clubs, I have ALWAYS received more attention from black men than white men (or hell, even when I go to the grocery store looking like yesterday's business). Therefore, I don't prefer to go to mostly white bars/clubs and would rather go to a mostly black bar/club (so hopefully she will stop asking me to go with her to be her wing-gal flirt).
That lead into the next conversation... the basic perception that black women are generally not romanticized...we might be sexualized, but not romanticized. This stems from the fact that environment (media) does not subliminally send messages to the masses that black women are beautiful. We're often times shown in roles such as the 40+ strong-personalitied modernized Aunt Jamaima.
One interesting response that the white guy had regarding why black women are not equally represented in television, magazines and other forms of popular media is that black people represent approximately 10% of the population. So statistically speaking, we should not expect to see black people inundated in popular, mainstream media. However, let's be real, black's representation in popular mainstream media is less than 10% (or at least it feels that way...when I turn on NBC/ABC/CBS at night, I don't feel like I see at least 10%). And when you see the black women as desirable, it's the same 3-4 black women that have been around for about 10 years...Beyonce, Halle, Tyra, and...???
I always think candid conversations on race are interesting. People tend to not be flat out racists and/or biggots, they just have experiences that have shaped their perception and/or preferences. I learned a bit and perhaps they learned a bit about me as well.
In the Envoy was an Asain woman, Cuacasion Male, Black-American (by way of Jamaica) and Me - Black-American, the mutt who can trace both paternal and maternal ancestors back to slavery. We had an interesting dialogue about experiences with race growing up.
The asian woman was raised by a Caucasian family in an all Caucasian town. As a disclaimer, she tends to say off the wall things that leave your jaw open, thinking "OMG, did she just say that?" She flat out said, "White people ask me dumb ass questions. The stupidest thing a white person has ever asked me is can you see?"
The white guy said, "well isn't that more of a reflection of the people that you were around? Ignorance doesn't discriminate and if you're only around white people, it doesn't surprise me that a stupid question like that would come up. But you could get the same ignorant question if you were the only Asian around all blacks, all Indians, all Hispanics." Good point, ignorance doesn't discriminate.
Then I told her that as a black person that grew up around all whites, I took on some of their prejudices toward black people. At the most extreme time, I had a lot of self-hate as a result of being infused with their prejudices. I didn't think I was an attractive person as a child because 1) I didn't have the same physical attributes (swingy hair, skinny body, blue/green/grey eyes, button and/or long instead of wide nose etc) and 2) I was flat out told that the only pretty black woman was Whitney Houston, that I was ugly or that I was a nigger. I think that surprised the white guy because now, I come off as confident and am not half bad looking.
However, those feelings of insecurity amongst all whites when it comes to beauty have definitely carried over to adulthood. I indicated that especially in the south, if I get all dolled up and go out to bars/clubs, I have ALWAYS received more attention from black men than white men (or hell, even when I go to the grocery store looking like yesterday's business). Therefore, I don't prefer to go to mostly white bars/clubs and would rather go to a mostly black bar/club (so hopefully she will stop asking me to go with her to be her wing-gal flirt).
That lead into the next conversation... the basic perception that black women are generally not romanticized...we might be sexualized, but not romanticized. This stems from the fact that environment (media) does not subliminally send messages to the masses that black women are beautiful. We're often times shown in roles such as the 40+ strong-personalitied modernized Aunt Jamaima.
One interesting response that the white guy had regarding why black women are not equally represented in television, magazines and other forms of popular media is that black people represent approximately 10% of the population. So statistically speaking, we should not expect to see black people inundated in popular, mainstream media. However, let's be real, black's representation in popular mainstream media is less than 10% (or at least it feels that way...when I turn on NBC/ABC/CBS at night, I don't feel like I see at least 10%). And when you see the black women as desirable, it's the same 3-4 black women that have been around for about 10 years...Beyonce, Halle, Tyra, and...???
I always think candid conversations on race are interesting. People tend to not be flat out racists and/or biggots, they just have experiences that have shaped their perception and/or preferences. I learned a bit and perhaps they learned a bit about me as well.
5.02.2008
Perfume..
So the other night after a work-out, I was in the grocery store. A young boy (couldn't have been older than 16) approaches me the same way a Mary K associate would (trying to sell something).
Kid with fixated smile: Excuse me Ma'am. How are you today?
SunFresh (buying Sunfresh Grapefruit): I'm good *blink, blink, blink*
Kid with fixated smile: What type of perfume do you wear?
SunFresh: I don't really wear perfume often. It gets me dizzy sometimes.
Kid with fixated smile: Oh, your more of a body spray/spritzer person
SunFresh: Nope, I'm more of a soap and deoderant person.
Kid with fixated smile: Excuse me Ma'am. How are you today?
SunFresh (buying Sunfresh Grapefruit): I'm good *blink, blink, blink*
Kid with fixated smile: What type of perfume do you wear?
SunFresh: I don't really wear perfume often. It gets me dizzy sometimes.
Kid with fixated smile: Oh, your more of a body spray/spritzer person
SunFresh: Nope, I'm more of a soap and deoderant person.
Text Forwards....But I actually liked this one
I don't know why people think it's okay to use up valuable texts with forwarded information or advertisments. I suppose this is the wave of the future. Usually I delete forwards, especially when they start with "Daily" or "Thought for Today." But I got one that was/is applicable to me and I wanted to tattoo it on the blog so that I can reference it in the future...
"Share your life with those who share your vision. You will then avoid the mistake of spending major time with minor people."
Me likes that.
"Share your life with those who share your vision. You will then avoid the mistake of spending major time with minor people."
Me likes that.
5.01.2008
Family
I so love my family. My mom calls me all worried about me due to all crap that has happened to me this year. She knows how to put a smile on my face, or at least show how much she cares. Which sometimes, I don't even need a smile, I just need to know somebody cares. She'll even tell my brother or sister to give me a call to say hello. It's funny cuz I'll call them out, "Mom told you to call me, didn't she?" And they say...ha yeah...but it doesn't even matter. They are family, they call me because they love me.
And it totally works in reverse. The other day my mother mentioned something about my brother, I immediately put out a request to some people that I know. Today I got word to connect my brother so that he may get the opportunity that he is looking for. Out of all the people that I know in this world, I admire my brother the most. He's 6 years younger than me, but I've learned a lot about strength, humility and humor from him. Dude has charisma!
Ionno - at times, I lose faith in humanity...but my family...they are always there to lift my spirits and make me feel happy again.
And it totally works in reverse. The other day my mother mentioned something about my brother, I immediately put out a request to some people that I know. Today I got word to connect my brother so that he may get the opportunity that he is looking for. Out of all the people that I know in this world, I admire my brother the most. He's 6 years younger than me, but I've learned a lot about strength, humility and humor from him. Dude has charisma!
Ionno - at times, I lose faith in humanity...but my family...they are always there to lift my spirits and make me feel happy again.
Wright vs. Buchanan: Who sees race more clearly
There is no need for me to reiterate the words of Rev. Wright - the media has already inundated you with sound-bites, clips, etc. However, have you read and/or are you knowledgeable about the comments below that Buchanan has made (check yes or no). If you are not aware, that further goes to show the bias in media when it comes to matters of race. It's okay to show an angry black man, but not a mad (as in crazy) white man.
"First, America has been the best country on earth for Black folks. It was here that 600,000 Black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity Blacks have ever known. Wright ought to go down on his knees and thank God he is an American. Is White America really responsible for the fact that the crime and incarceration rates for African-Americans are seven times those of White America?
Is it really White America’s fault that illegitimacy in the African-American community has hit 70 percent and the Black dropout rate from high schools in some cities has reached 50 percent? Is that the fault of White America or, first and foremost, a failure of the Black community itself?
As for racism, its ugliest manifestation is in interracial crime, and especially interracial crimes of violence.
Is Barack Obama aware that while White criminals choose Black victims 3 percent of the time, Black criminals choose White victims 45 percent of the time? Is Barack aware that Black-on-White rapes are 100 times more common than the reverse, that Black-on-White robberies were 139 times as common in the first three years of this decade as the reverse?
We have all heard ad nauseam from the Rev. Al about Tawana Brawley, the Duke rape case and Jena. And all turned out to be hoaxes. But about the epidemic of Black assaults on Whites that are real, we hear nothing.
Sorry, Barack, some of us have heard it all before, about 40 years and 40 trillion tax dollars ago!”
Tavis Smiley calls Buchanan a “racial arsonist.”
"First, America has been the best country on earth for Black folks. It was here that 600,000 Black people, brought from Africa in slave ships, grew into a community of 40 million, were introduced to Christian salvation, and reached the greatest levels of freedom and prosperity Blacks have ever known. Wright ought to go down on his knees and thank God he is an American. Is White America really responsible for the fact that the crime and incarceration rates for African-Americans are seven times those of White America?
Is it really White America’s fault that illegitimacy in the African-American community has hit 70 percent and the Black dropout rate from high schools in some cities has reached 50 percent? Is that the fault of White America or, first and foremost, a failure of the Black community itself?
As for racism, its ugliest manifestation is in interracial crime, and especially interracial crimes of violence.
Is Barack Obama aware that while White criminals choose Black victims 3 percent of the time, Black criminals choose White victims 45 percent of the time? Is Barack aware that Black-on-White rapes are 100 times more common than the reverse, that Black-on-White robberies were 139 times as common in the first three years of this decade as the reverse?
We have all heard ad nauseam from the Rev. Al about Tawana Brawley, the Duke rape case and Jena. And all turned out to be hoaxes. But about the epidemic of Black assaults on Whites that are real, we hear nothing.
Sorry, Barack, some of us have heard it all before, about 40 years and 40 trillion tax dollars ago!”
Tavis Smiley calls Buchanan a “racial arsonist.”
4.30.2008
Little Miss Ditzy
I'm passive agressive, so this question is for the assertive / agressive personalities...when somebody gets on your nerves, how do you tactfully and politely let them know to bug off?
I find myself getting short with this person because I wish they would leave me alone. They mean well so I don't have a basis to be the angry black woman...but they are genuinely getting on my nerves. To summarize, she constantly comes up with fruitless invitations to things..."Oh you should come to dinner with me n' so-n-so (from work) tonight, you should come to my roommates boyfriend's band, we should use our alternative travel benefit to take a weekend vacation together (I don't know you mannnn (c) Chris Tucker), we should, we should we should....But then when I ask her for details of something, for her to email directions and/or show up...*crickets chirp* Basically, she's just talking to talk and appear to be friendly/social; however she truly has no intention of genuinely extending a sincere invitation to me. So I'd just rather her not!
How do you shut a person down that seemingly means well, has their head in the clouds but just doesn't "get it." It'd be so much easier if she were mean!
4.29.2008
Swimming
In my adult life, I've been shocked at the # of people (black) that I have met that cannot swim. Now, I'm not expecting anybody to be an olympic swimming pro. Unless you do it for exercise, there is nothing fun about swimming laps in a pool.
But I love the ocean, *some pools,* and lake trips. Last summer on a lake trip a couple of the chics came with their hair pressed and curled and I was like errr - your just going to mess it up. "I don't swim." Huh? What's the point in going on a boat trip if you don't swim?
Growing up, I went to water parks, pools the ocean. Heck, recently I went snorkling. How lame my life might have been had I not known how to swim!
When I was dating ex, I told him that he had to learn how to swim (and/or tread water) before we had children. Why don't people feel one with water? If you can't swim, why haven't you learned? Do you plan to learn one day (presumably before you have children)? Or do you feel like you can avoid water like the plague for all of your life?
But I love the ocean, *some pools,* and lake trips. Last summer on a lake trip a couple of the chics came with their hair pressed and curled and I was like errr - your just going to mess it up. "I don't swim." Huh? What's the point in going on a boat trip if you don't swim?
Growing up, I went to water parks, pools the ocean. Heck, recently I went snorkling. How lame my life might have been had I not known how to swim!
When I was dating ex, I told him that he had to learn how to swim (and/or tread water) before we had children. Why don't people feel one with water? If you can't swim, why haven't you learned? Do you plan to learn one day (presumably before you have children)? Or do you feel like you can avoid water like the plague for all of your life?
And I wonder aloud...
If a friend-in-progress does something questionable (and by questionable, I mean something that if they did to you, you could not get over it or would cease the friendship based on that action alone) that has no bearing on your relationship with them....
do you continue to build your friendship with them?
Friend-in-progress = Somebody that you met recently. For all intents and purposes, you get along and have a good time. You don't necessarily confide in them about your more inner thoughts/feelings because vulnerability simply takes time.
I was thinking about a person I was never that fond of and challenged myself to think, "what did she ever do to you for you not to like her."
There were warning signals of character. She did some stuff that was totally unrelated to me that made me not trust her. That put the first wall up. Then from there, it was just a difference in personality... a difference that I didn't care to address or work out for the sake of others. It was fine for me to just make casual convo and not initiate and pursue the a true friendship.
do you continue to build your friendship with them?
Friend-in-progress = Somebody that you met recently. For all intents and purposes, you get along and have a good time. You don't necessarily confide in them about your more inner thoughts/feelings because vulnerability simply takes time.
I was thinking about a person I was never that fond of and challenged myself to think, "what did she ever do to you for you not to like her."
There were warning signals of character. She did some stuff that was totally unrelated to me that made me not trust her. That put the first wall up. Then from there, it was just a difference in personality... a difference that I didn't care to address or work out for the sake of others. It was fine for me to just make casual convo and not initiate and pursue the a true friendship.
I dare you to....
read this and not be offended.
I was offended yet slightly empathetic until I read, "Oh, and one more thing left to do, please get rid of the illiterate RAP music to completely rid the Dome of any reminder of the male and female apes that seek only to reproduce at an alarming rate. Let’s just let these folks continue to get elected as the leaders of the Atlanta City Government."
I was offended yet slightly empathetic until I read, "Oh, and one more thing left to do, please get rid of the illiterate RAP music to completely rid the Dome of any reminder of the male and female apes that seek only to reproduce at an alarming rate. Let’s just let these folks continue to get elected as the leaders of the Atlanta City Government."
Icky Age
I used to know the calculation for it. Something like, divide your current age in two and add 7. Or multiply your age by 2 and subtract 7. Well whatever, I can't truly find it, but after dating my ex, I vowed to not date anybody as old as him (he was 9 years my senior).
Well, the other day this guy gave me his card - I couldn't tell how old he was, you know black folks age very well. It was in a safe environment, an alumni event, so I figured he wasn't thaaat crazy. And I casually made it clear that I was 5 years removed from college, which put me at most 27 (as most people are 21 or 22 when they graduate from college).
So anywho, I take his card and look him up, he has owns a law firm. While that in itself is quite impressive...and he graduated from undergrad in 1990. Ya girl was 9 years old in 1990. Dude is like 40...13 years older than I am. Based on my last experience, my ex is single b/c he cannot communicate. Communication in an intimate relationship is akin to breathing air for life (for me). Granted, he could be divorced, but I'm weary of men that are that old and are single.
Well, the other day this guy gave me his card - I couldn't tell how old he was, you know black folks age very well. It was in a safe environment, an alumni event, so I figured he wasn't thaaat crazy. And I casually made it clear that I was 5 years removed from college, which put me at most 27 (as most people are 21 or 22 when they graduate from college).
So anywho, I take his card and look him up, he has owns a law firm. While that in itself is quite impressive...and he graduated from undergrad in 1990. Ya girl was 9 years old in 1990. Dude is like 40...13 years older than I am. Based on my last experience, my ex is single b/c he cannot communicate. Communication in an intimate relationship is akin to breathing air for life (for me). Granted, he could be divorced, but I'm weary of men that are that old and are single.
4.28.2008
Yeaaaa! Hawks > Celtics
Just came back from the game. I LOVE it when the underdog wins (and I live in the underdog city). Went with my gay-boyfriend. I suggest every straight girl get one!
4.27.2008
Hunger
I'm trying to keep this blog as impersonal as possible...but in all honesty that is not ME. I'm a open person, IF I sense that a person truly cares. Problem is that people most often don't care, or they want certain details about you to validate some asinine assumption that they've made about you. Or people only care when it's easy for them to care. (not very jesus like approach, but hey most people don't truly walk the path that they preach).
Human emotion is a very complex thing. If you frequent the Post Secret site, you'll find that we do some base things, but cover it up with a smile. Most people smile or put forth a very light-hearted persona - but feel a lot of pain, or have a deeply jaded, pessimistic view of the world. Makes it harder to decipher at first glance those that are truly happy and those that aren't. And you can even see that in my attempts to be as impersonal as possible on the blog, I place perspectives of stuff that I only care about in a 5 minute span of time. I don't lose sleep over the economic stimulus plan and what others plan to do with it.
I woke up this morning, realizing that yesterday I ate a total of 4 avocado and 4 white tuna small sushi rolls. And when I say small, they were probably between the size of a silver dollar and a quarter. And maybe some applesauce at 7:30 am. That is ALL. No snacks that I'm leaving out to exaggerate. I know that b/c I remember opening the fridge, looking around and thinking, I don't want anything in here.
I read a blog the other day about a black woman that had an eating disorder. *Pause - I think this terminology should be extended to anybody that allows their emotional status to trigger eating habits, which would encompass obese people as well.* Anywho - because black society covets body parts composed almost entirely of fat (ass and tittties, 'scuse the frank-frenchness), I don't believe that we are quite as *at risk* of eating disorders associated with underweight. And then as a people we seem to disregard the reality that heart disease, diabetes can be prevented in some instances. In my heart, I'm a proponent of all things healthy. However, I can't say I walk the talk.
Well, while I've officially never been diagnosed with an eating disorder - because quite frankly, I'm not underweight (I'm in the 'normal' BMI range)...I know I have a disability when it comes to a healthy eating habits (don't worry, my doctor knows). Yesterday, perhaps my physical hunger didn't move me to eat b/c it didn't quite exceed my emotional hunger pains. I'm a bore at the grocery store. While folks throw what looks good in the basket, I'll sit there agonizing over the calories. I probably eat things that others consider weird...(I've always loved tomatilla salsa, it has at most 1 gram of fat and 70 calories per serving. I put it on salads instead of fatty dressing or might warm it up and eat it with angel string pasta etc...)
I've identified two triggers that drive me from a conscious eating schedule to an arguably unhealthy one. I've always been 5'4" (since 5th grade). I was probably 135 lbs coming out of 5th grade, which put me in a junior size 10/12. The first time I remember being somewhat obsessed with what I ate was 7th grade. I dropped down to 110 lbs, which put me in a size 4, and made me look more like my peers. (I went to an all white school, I am UBER sensitive when it comes to debates about how media and/or outside influences effect people, especially in terms of how white images of beauty drive various social constructs about self-image). Emotionally, Iremember being overall happy. I had a super-cute boyfriend, was on the basketball team, made great grades, was on student council. Perhaps it was indirect negative reinforcement. I was an teetering on an unhealthy weight had piss poor eating habits, but GREAT things were happening to me.
Second time was college. Very similar circumstances as before. I had just been accepted to the competitive business program. I spent more time around people that I generally wouldn't choose to hang around (the majority of people in my class were white frat boys / sorority girls). Again, their standards of beauty were chics like jennifer aniston. I had gained my freshman 15...maxing out at about 132, but by my 3rd year when I was in the program, I went back down to about 115. I had a good campus job, was elected class rep, volunteered, made great grades, and was emerging as a leader in my elite business program. Again, I was teetering on an unhealthy weight and had piss poor eating habits, but GREAT things were happening to me.
Perhaps this conditioning has lead me to believe that I can induce GREAT things by dropping weight.
Okay - this was all over the place. And sure, folks can say "damn yo she needs therapy." Response, we all could benefit from it. The URL for this blog is thoughtful...it's a purge of my thoughts. Sure the internet is a public forum in which to share personal info. But on the flip side, having read that other blog on underweight problems, it touched me...and in turn perhaps my words will let somebody else know that she/he is not alone. I'm sure had I met that blogger in person - it would take years before we had that conversation. Why? because superficial relationships are safe and easy...vulnerability takes time.
BTW - I love Jenna Wolf on the today show. I'd love to hang with her. FUCK, I just learned that I won't be getting an economic stimulus check. Apparently I make too much *wait can somebody tell me if the cut-off is based on gross income or the AGI..there might be hope for me* Damn, there goes my extra vacation. (have to laugh at that statement, given that I'm mad about a missed vacation and there are families that direly need the money to feed their children...humble yourself SunFresh).
Human emotion is a very complex thing. If you frequent the Post Secret site, you'll find that we do some base things, but cover it up with a smile. Most people smile or put forth a very light-hearted persona - but feel a lot of pain, or have a deeply jaded, pessimistic view of the world. Makes it harder to decipher at first glance those that are truly happy and those that aren't. And you can even see that in my attempts to be as impersonal as possible on the blog, I place perspectives of stuff that I only care about in a 5 minute span of time. I don't lose sleep over the economic stimulus plan and what others plan to do with it.
I woke up this morning, realizing that yesterday I ate a total of 4 avocado and 4 white tuna small sushi rolls. And when I say small, they were probably between the size of a silver dollar and a quarter. And maybe some applesauce at 7:30 am. That is ALL. No snacks that I'm leaving out to exaggerate. I know that b/c I remember opening the fridge, looking around and thinking, I don't want anything in here.
I read a blog the other day about a black woman that had an eating disorder. *Pause - I think this terminology should be extended to anybody that allows their emotional status to trigger eating habits, which would encompass obese people as well.* Anywho - because black society covets body parts composed almost entirely of fat (ass and tittties, 'scuse the frank-frenchness), I don't believe that we are quite as *at risk* of eating disorders associated with underweight. And then as a people we seem to disregard the reality that heart disease, diabetes can be prevented in some instances. In my heart, I'm a proponent of all things healthy. However, I can't say I walk the talk.
Well, while I've officially never been diagnosed with an eating disorder - because quite frankly, I'm not underweight (I'm in the 'normal' BMI range)...I know I have a disability when it comes to a healthy eating habits (don't worry, my doctor knows). Yesterday, perhaps my physical hunger didn't move me to eat b/c it didn't quite exceed my emotional hunger pains. I'm a bore at the grocery store. While folks throw what looks good in the basket, I'll sit there agonizing over the calories. I probably eat things that others consider weird...(I've always loved tomatilla salsa, it has at most 1 gram of fat and 70 calories per serving. I put it on salads instead of fatty dressing or might warm it up and eat it with angel string pasta etc...)
I've identified two triggers that drive me from a conscious eating schedule to an arguably unhealthy one. I've always been 5'4" (since 5th grade). I was probably 135 lbs coming out of 5th grade, which put me in a junior size 10/12. The first time I remember being somewhat obsessed with what I ate was 7th grade. I dropped down to 110 lbs, which put me in a size 4, and made me look more like my peers. (I went to an all white school, I am UBER sensitive when it comes to debates about how media and/or outside influences effect people, especially in terms of how white images of beauty drive various social constructs about self-image). Emotionally, Iremember being overall happy. I had a super-cute boyfriend, was on the basketball team, made great grades, was on student council. Perhaps it was indirect negative reinforcement. I was an teetering on an unhealthy weight had piss poor eating habits, but GREAT things were happening to me.
Second time was college. Very similar circumstances as before. I had just been accepted to the competitive business program. I spent more time around people that I generally wouldn't choose to hang around (the majority of people in my class were white frat boys / sorority girls). Again, their standards of beauty were chics like jennifer aniston. I had gained my freshman 15...maxing out at about 132, but by my 3rd year when I was in the program, I went back down to about 115. I had a good campus job, was elected class rep, volunteered, made great grades, and was emerging as a leader in my elite business program. Again, I was teetering on an unhealthy weight and had piss poor eating habits, but GREAT things were happening to me.
Perhaps this conditioning has lead me to believe that I can induce GREAT things by dropping weight.
Okay - this was all over the place. And sure, folks can say "damn yo she needs therapy." Response, we all could benefit from it. The URL for this blog is thoughtful...it's a purge of my thoughts. Sure the internet is a public forum in which to share personal info. But on the flip side, having read that other blog on underweight problems, it touched me...and in turn perhaps my words will let somebody else know that she/he is not alone. I'm sure had I met that blogger in person - it would take years before we had that conversation. Why? because superficial relationships are safe and easy...vulnerability takes time.
BTW - I love Jenna Wolf on the today show. I'd love to hang with her. FUCK, I just learned that I won't be getting an economic stimulus check. Apparently I make too much *wait can somebody tell me if the cut-off is based on gross income or the AGI..there might be hope for me* Damn, there goes my extra vacation. (have to laugh at that statement, given that I'm mad about a missed vacation and there are families that direly need the money to feed their children...humble yourself SunFresh).
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