New Home

Blogger is cool n' er'thang, but Wordpress really does have better functionality. So yeah, check me out over HERE.

I guess I got bored with the look n' feel of this page. Friday night I got really bored and did something about it.

Hugs n' Smiles

Keith Olberman...

could get it.

Lol - I've never really wanted to do this, but

more often than not I see that people visit from towns that I've lived in and it excites me. I just saw a visitor from Mesquite, Texas. Guess where SunFresh was born? Yep, Mesquite, Texas. *waives hand and yells howdy* I've also seen a few Virginia towns that I've lived/gone to school in. 757 and 434!!!!

Can we do a roll call? lol, please. Just a name/alias, and where you're from. I'm curious!

Random thougths

I had a dream that I was involved in a robbery. Except I was proud of myself because the person stole my purse, but somehow I managed to still have my passport, phone and debit card.

In part 2 of that dream, I was getting married. Initially I had no clue who the groom was. It was a disasterous wedding. Very unorganized, and I didn't even have a dress, there were no flowers. I ended up wearing a blue version of my senior prom dress. At one point, all the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked in and somebody told me to just go ahead down the isle, despite the fact that the groom wasn't there. I was standing at the alter by myself waiting, hoping for somebody to show up. Well he came in, walked past the alter and gave dap to one of his boys and then rolled out. LMAO. It was one of the ATL pretty boys that I saw recently who is out in the streets trying to validate his existence to strangers instead of proving to one woman that he is a real man.

Until recently, I've felt rather insulated by the current recession/economic woes. By nature my career field and job is very stable. But more often than not I'm finding out that people near me are getting laid off.

For Christmas, I'd rather my family get gifts for another family. We're not rich, but we certainly don't NEED. At my ripe old age and career, I have every material want (within reason) or will get it soon. Until somebody can deliver the perfect love for me, I can do without this holiday.

I've been working late every day. And it's weird, I really don't mind. I guess at the end of the day, I really like what I do.

Jennifer Anniston drives me bat shit crazy. I was always team Jolie. I know she appeared to be a home-wrecker at first...but sometimes you can't destroy what's already broken. From my understanding (of course this is all rumor) Brad wanted to start a family, but Anniston wasn't ready to 'alter her body' by blessing the world with a baby. So he found a woman that shared the same values that he did. Can you hate him? Now him and Jolie are happy. And here you have Anniston posing naked on the cover of GQ magazine. Can we say ultimate attention whore. While your posing naked, Jenn, Jolie is beng ambassador to some 3rd world country. Get your priorities straight.

"just tell the truth!"

With the intersection of a casual dating relationship and conflict up, you will see people respond, "just tell the truth!"

First I have to define casual dating. In my opinion or rather my world, a casual date would be the first 3 to 5 dates. It doesn't take me more than 3 dates to know whether or not I want to continue dealing with a person. Dates #4 or #5 might come along because you're lady parts are speaking louder than your brain, "ohhh but girl he's so cute/phyne." Brain chimes in with, but you just found out that his ass still .

We all find ourselves at different points in our life, where we want different things from a potential SO. Sometimes you just want a 'convenient late night relationship.' Sometimes you want a relationship. Sometimes you want companionship. Sometimes you want love and to be loved. But in a casual relationship, chances are you're being selfish. You are getting what you need most (could be sex, free meals, adoration) but you aren't truly concerned with returning the consideration. (Gosh, I'm such an accountant). But anywho - if it's casual you are in selfish mode going for yours.

So why in de hell would anybody expect a person in that mode to 'just tell the truth.' Sure it's the noble thing to do. It would save the other party pain, confusion ect. But if one person is getting what they need most at a certain point in life (sex, free meals, ect) what would their motivation to just tell the truth be? They risk not getting what they want. They are not in a relationship, they do not truly care about the other person. They are looking out for self.

I'm not saying I agree with this action. Heck, when I don't want to be in a relationship I am okay rolling solo. But I do understand what motivates other people.

I just made those most awesomest soup. That's my new thing. I like making soups.

Stupid Shit

Without going into too many sordid details of the EX...he is driving me crazy. I get to work this morning. The Company I work for is rather large...so when you receive a package, it goes to the business service center (BSC). They contact you and tell you to pick it up. Well, this morning I saw two e-mails from the BSC. Subject line: Floral Arrangment Reminder.



You're thinking, "Geez, SunFresh...cut the brother some slack that's a beautiful flower arrangement." You know what...it sure is. I LOVE roses. They smell wonderful and are very pleasing to the eyes. But then you must realize that the following was attached to the arrangement:



I had to walk through the halls of my big company with that sorry ass I'm sorry balloon. WTF.

And no, what he did is not forgivable...at least not by me in the near-future. I can give grace and not hate him, and I honestly don't hate him. I just don't want him in my life. But my acceptance of his sorrow doesn't equate to...I'll give you one last chance to prove something to me, marry you and live happily ever after.

Because for me...there would be no happiness. I tried to fool myself once into thinking...welp SunFresh, you're feeling ripe towards marriage and don't like the dating scene, he's successful, attractive...a great Mona Lisa effect. Perfect from far away. But then you get in close to examine the reality and truths and find flaws. Unfortunately these flaws don't make our relationship a work of art...it's simply stupid shit.

Ladies and gentlemen...when it's done. Let it be done.

Tattoo idea

They say tattoos are addictive. My first and at this time only tattoo is a Sesa Wo Suban and it means Change or transform your character. The description is, "This symbol combines two separate adinkra symbols, the "Morning Star" which can mean a new start to the day, placed inside the wheel, representing rotation or independent movement."

In 2007 I initiated several changes. The infamous ex and I had the first break-up, I bought a new car and I got a new job. At the time, those changes were tremendous for me, a person who values consistency and continuity. The tattoo was a reminder to K.eep I.t M.oving (my other alias).

Welp - 2008 has been one helluva plane crash...but I'm alive, resilient and not completely broken. One thing I really embraced and realized this year is that I need to love myself better...via a deeper connection with God...and as a result I should be able to love others better. As much forgiveness and compassion that I reserve for others, I don't have nearly as much for myself. So anywho...they say only tattoo things that you want for life. I want a reminder of the power of love. Love of self. Love of God. Love of Others.

Enter "ODO NNYEW FIE KWAN" which means, "Love never loses its way home." That is such a powerful statement. Think of how many times that you've felt abandoned or hurt by love (or rather loved ones). The reality is that it's always with you...Love (GOD) resides within you. For me, my main obstacle to loving myself is that I'm way too critical of myself. I rarely take a step back and just say, "Wow You, that was pretty fucking awesome...that thing you did there." I know where I want to put it. It'd be no bigger than a quarter (or perhaps a silver dollar).

Weekend In Review

Friday - Flew back to Atlanta from Houston. Ate too dayum much. Like seriously. To the point where I was just in pain. And I've got an out of wack digestive system and was out of town. You piece that together. It equals extreme discomfort. I was not even in control while eating...there was a serious disconnect between my brain and taste buds on my tongue. Taste buds won every single time. I've got all sorts of heartburn STILL.

At night I went to CaliSlim's birthday party and had a ball. Good people, good times. I don't go out as much as I used to, so it was fun to get a lil' dolled up and be amongst folks. Although being out reminds me how I'd prefer to be in a relationship than subject to the dating by numbers game. Dudes are can be so grimey. At least a handful of dudes.

Saturday - Despite a slight hangover, I drank a lot of water, took to Excedrin and got my @ss to the gym. I haven't forgiven myself yet for the gluttony of Houston, so I went to the gym. Oh yeah...the main reason I went to the gym was not to burn fat per se. There was a yoga class. I'd really like to start a yoga routine. To do a proper yoga routine is rather costly, so I'll stick with the elementary LA Fitness classes for a while more. After the yoga class I did 40 minutes of cardio. Felt good. Got my ipod shuffle and jammed out. Then I still wasn't feeling quite right and decided to attempt two day detox. Arden Garden (if you live in ATL - this is by far the best non-yogurt based smoothie place EVER). Anywho - they make this http://www.ardensgarden.com/cleansing.html, which is simply distilled water, grapefruit, orange and lemon flavored juice. That is all you can drink for 48 hours. You get 2 gallons and they suggest drinking 8 ounces an hour.

After Arden Garden, I headed to the mall. I realized that I had no energy in the mall. I have this outfit concept and I found the perfect sweater dress to work into my outfit vision. lol - sounds weird? I saw this outfit on a chic one day and came up with a variation or two and thought it'd be a good look on me. This recession is GREAT if you still have a job and are making decent money. I'm still on the hunt for the perfect work pants. I'm not quite a size 6 nor am I quite a size 4. I do not wear ass huggers to work and I can't find the right cut. I guess I should get stuff altered. I REFUSE to pay a bunch o' $ for some pants AND pay for altering, but since things are so heavily discounted, perhaps I can go out on a limb and get some pants and get them altered. *RANT - Express WTF do you get off charging $78 for unlined pants?* ATL folks - suggest a good alteration spot! I had more ambitious shopping goals for Saturday, but as I mentioned I had NO fuel left, so I had to take it to the house. I chilled out. Which is what I really needed.

I just counted how many times that I've been on a plane this year and the answer is at LEAST 30 times. And I have 2 trips, potentially 3 before the end of the year. I skipped out on the Company Holiday party. I was just feeling crappy. Plus, the gym ruined my hair. The top part was still straight, but then the part that was in a scrunchy was wet/curly. Not a good look.

Oh and HE called. Thought he was slick. Called my house phone. Only a handful of people have my house phone #. Not because I'm trying to be uber excluxive with it - I just don't use it. So if folks do have the house #, it's because my cell died or is lost and I gave out the house phone as an alternative. So he had that #. Only telemarketers call, so unless I specifically tell somebody to call, I don't answer. BUT I do answer in the middle of the night cuz it might be a family emergency. So it's 3 am phone rings and I instinctively pick up. WTF. Him: wimper wimper wimper Me: I'm going back to sleep. (Oh this is Friday to Saturday night)

Sunday - 7 amish - phone rings again. Between my house and cell it rings 6 times. Anywho. I can't quite go back to bed immediately, so I watch a lil' tv get online watch Obama on meet the press (what'd y'all think?). While lying down I decide, to hell with this detox! What I need is to be in better control what I put into my body and how much I put in. I wanted to take it easy with food this week, so I decided that I was going to cook a hearty veggie soup. And I wanted it as fresh as possible, so I went to Whole Foods Overpriced grocery store and got the ingredients for a delicious soup! I based it loosely off of a recipe that I found online; however, I made it FOR me by ME. Random it was: Green pepper, red onion, tomato, jalapeno, mushroom, cabbage, garlic, okra (yes okra) all mixed together in some chicken broth. It was honestly good. I didn't have to add much flavor to it. Actually I cut up the green pepper, tomato, jalapeno, garlic and onion first and put them in a bowl. I realized I had too much for the soup and scooped some into a seperate bowl. Can we say DELICIOUS salsa? Which I ate without chips.

Then I hooked up the Wii - Shame on me for not having hooked this up for well over a month. I played Wii Tennis and realized that I've got quite the potty mouth when playing. I mean who yells at a cute cartoon character tennis opponent named Patric and yells, "Suck It," while grabbing their crotch area? Oh yeah...I do. (and yes, I'm home alone).

I might go to a holiday party in Richmond next weekend.
I got an invite to go to Charlotte again with my cutie guy friend. Cutest white guy ever. I dunno. January is a busy month for work. He is so country tho! lol.

If you want to smile & dance...click HERE.

Random thought - Doctors feel free to chime in

I got to thinking about this concept of sadness.

IMO - it's completely a learned emotion. Doesn't invalidate the emotion cuz lawd knows we have all had a down day, week, month, year etc.

Think about a baby. They smile or cry...cry not because they are sad, but because of physical discomfort. Hungry - cry, poop making their bottom itch - cry, ear ache - cry. Cry cry cry. Never are they just sad and frown. But on the flip side babies smile.

Smiling, or a feeling of contentment must be as natural as the need to eat. It's not contrived or derived.

Does that make any sense to anybody?

Word

Inconsequential. Placeholder for later post.

Eat Pray Love

Have you read this book by Elizabeth Gilbert? What was your take? Did you learn anything from it? Or rather, did you read something that moved you to change a perspective or an approach to something? Do you meditate? Have you ever tried to listen to your thoughts?

Often times there's a disconnect between what comes out of our mouth and our innermost thoughts. Thoughts are often filtered through our ego before making it to somebody else's ears. We care too much to preserve our image to just tell folks the raw thought.

I'm in the Pray chapter and it's getting a bit weird to me, but I'm also taking a lot from it. In this chapter, Gilbert describes how her connection with God through meditation, yoga, ect is helping her to heal from broken relationships, depression and to learn to have more compassion for HERSELF. What I find appealing is that while the chapter is heavily about connecting with God, it's not geared toward any particular religion. What she is experiencing could be done whether you were Christian, Muslim, Jewish, ect.

This type of message works for me because I've never been super religiousy. I'm not the woman that will go to Church for the sake of not appearing to be a heathen to other people. I (and most people see through) that bullish. If you can't see that I'm a good person despite the fact that I don't go to church every Sunday...something is wrong with you, not me. But I admit, at times I feel guilt or shame for not completely jumping on the Jesus train. That's simply not me, never has never will be. But I do thank God, talk to God, get irritated with God for the challenges that he presents...ect. To me, God is not limited to descriptions in a book. Divinity can be experienced ANYWHERE by ANYONE. Perhaps I need to let go of that guilt and really figure out what works for me. I want divine love just as much as the next person...but perhaps I need a different language to get me there.

Independent Woman - My Take

So last night after stuffing myself with the best darn fajita that exists I collapsed in my hotel room and pulled out the computer. Obviously I haven't been as active at posting...what's consuming my mind is not something I want out on the streets. Nonetheless, I was seeking controlled interaction with people (ie on the internet you can log off when somebody isn't ideally interacting with you). But anywho...I ventured over to Creole's spot and saw that one of the word on the curb live phone sessions was going on. For those of you that don't visit or don't know what WOTC is...it's a live web/phone chat and is like the times when you're in a big group of friends discussing some human condition...there is vulnerability, humor, advice, encouragement, disagreement - all o' dat. Last night's topic: The Independent Woman.

One major theme/question was...do you NEED a man? Why do you think you do/don't NEED a man?

My answer, at least in this point in life is no. Things that I NEED to live: Food, shelter, health (which leads me into some other things that I consider to be needs - a job/career...to pay for food, shelter, healthcare). But I wake up each day without a man, I feed, cloth and house myself...by myself. I admit that life would be easier with a companion. But to me...it's not a necessity. It's a want. I guess that's the difference to me. A need is something that you cannot live without and a want is something that you believe would make your life easier/better.

Another perspective that some folks might not see is the fact that 'The Independent Woman,' is used to be in CONTROL of her situation, life ect. Name 3 things in your life that you can control. Another person is NOT one of them. For example...when I bust my ass at work, I am often rewarded with recognition, pay ect. The concept is you put in 100% and you get back 100%. The first time I was in love, I put in 100% and I got cheated on. So it's a scary, unsettling concept to invest so much into a relationship, into another person when you have absolutely no control over the desired reactions and actions ect.

I also identified with another person in that I don't want to have to ask for what I want, I want somebody to be intune with me and provide it. I mean this for the true personality traits within me. I would expect a person to ask about certain things that don't require intuitive knowledge of me. For example...if you observe that I can be spastic when sh*t doesn't go my way, balance me with calmness...put on brainless tv, and pull me into your arms on the couch. Don't first try to talk to me about what I did wrong, or other logical shit. When I'm spastic, I'm not logical and not open to logic.

The married folk on the call said that they needed thier spouse. Which sounds like a natural answer and something I'm not opposed to. The concept of marriage is combining two souls into one and living as such. So it makes perfect sense to me that once you've taken that leap...you consider your spouse a necessity. Can you NEED something that you've never experienced/had? I'm not convinced about this because I don't feel like I NEED a spouse.

Well, let me take that back. There is one person in my life who I couldn't live without, I mean...I could wake up, feed and shelter myself, but there is so much comfort for me in that relationship. While the dynamics of our relationship have changed over the past 7 or so years...when you strip all the BS away the only thing that remains and the only thing I attend to is the positive. If you're reading this...you know who you are.

I think another question that folks addressed inadvertantly is why do or don't you think you have a man/companion. Coming from a person that grounded herself the first time she got a B in grade school (8th grade)...I always look in the mirror first for the faults of my experience/life. The ONLY thing in this world that I can control/change is me. So given that I've had failed relationships, I analyze the situation by thinking okay...what are unique vs. common factors in these failed relationships (not that I've had many that were of significance...2 so far). Common denominator is me. (Although to be real...first love was from college and timing and other circumstances put the odds against us. The second 'love,' - he was a fucktard, PERIOD and God knew I deserved something more perfect for me).

I'm not a constant dater. I am okay with being single. But it frustrates me and makes me question myself knowing that I think I'm kinda dope...why doesn't somebody love me? And then that turns into...well maybe I'm not as dope as I'd like to think. What can I do to make me more dope? lol. Dope - I like this word.

Anywho - I don't claim to be 'The Independent Woman.' However, at this point in my life it's the essence of who I am. I'm not dependent, I do for myself by myself.

Peeps head out

I'm alive and okay! Thanksgiving was exactly that...I was SO VERY thankful for being home and having to not take care of myself. Single folks...sometimes (I think) we get tired of taking care of ourselves. And not everybody is like me. I'm *JUST* learning to be comfortable relying upon people that I'm getting to know. So it's EXTREMELY difficult for me to ask for help when I need it. Things that are almost mindlessly easy to do when in a relationship become a manuvering way around the world. Simple sh*t...like getting to and from the airport. In a big city during the holidays - it's a nussance. Anywho, at home, I don't need to think twice about how, what, where, who. Everything is taken care of. That's how I know ATL is not home, nor will it ever be...probably.

With a simple hello and a wine drenched conversation - I felt at home in a person. The smile, the 'Luther Curl," lol...I'll stop there.

Oddly, I felt more distant from my family than I wanted to. But they know I love them dearly and I know they love me dearly, even if we don't always express it the way we think that we should. The poor family dog is deteriorating at a fast pace. We went to the beach on Christmas Day. Me bro n' Paco. I dipped my fingers in the Atlantic several times, I tried failed at learning to skip rocks. I chased the waves...and won all but once...then my shoes were soaked with COLD ocean water.

I relentless ignored texts, calls, e-mails from him. I hate that there is an ounce of feeling left in me; but I KNOW that ME is #1.

I saw my Alma Mater lose to the craptastic team. Ehh - what can you do? I got to drive my favorite route in all of America...or maybe the east coast(64). The water, the trees, the hills/mountains. The girl who first drove that trip in 1999 transformed (or evolved?) into a different young woman when she departed in 2003. Everytime I drive that short route I feel nostalgic, relaxed and comforted.

I gotta work out. Shit.

I'm back in another city. The hotel folks know me by name/smile. Unfortunately due to fucktard circumstances, I feel more comfortable at a hotel.

Gone til November...or maybe December

I'm okay. Need to get away. Survival.

Let's play a game

How many turkeys died in the filming of this press conference?

And why does that turkey slaughterer appear to be so peaceful as life dies in his hands? Alaskans are strange.

Celibacy

Men - how do (or do you) deal with a woman who has chosen to be celibate?

I know 1) not a lot of men visit this blog and 2) not a lot of men would be inclined to keep it really real and say, "I stay with her, but get broke-off on the side."

But what if you were in the mood and just needed your release. Would you exercise patience? Or would you have a bit of fun on the side and justify it in your head as, "well, I just needed it, it didn't mean anything."

Women - What say you on the matter if you've been in a relationship while celibate.

A topic for discussion...

Mimi - What say you on the new Kanye? My home-skillet told me that I would like it. so far I do - but this is strange. It's an R&B album, no? Dude is singing his heart out. Pain makes one evolve. Me likey the more I listen.

I can't tell if my version is messed up or if it just sounds weird. I'm liking Say You Will.

Beyonce is growing on me, slowly.

Cupcakes

I admit - I watched about 3 hours worth of the Real Housewives of Atlanta tonight. Yes, that's 3 hours of my life that I can never get back. I wish there was some lesson to leave with folks. But nope, it's pretty much a trashy show.

Not one of the women are self made. They all married, divorced or are sleeping with $$$$-men and are using some man's money to try to live out their dreams. I mean, I ALMOST think it looks like an appealing lifestyle. Get dressed up in $1,000 dresses, have some phantom charity, fund my dream on somebody else's bank roll, look fabulous all the time. Really...where is the downside to that? Ohhh, that's right all of these chics ended up looking hella stupid on television. *I do like NeNe though - she's that friend that's a bit extra, but is always funny and might keep it a lil' too real*

Anywho - on my fav message board, a few women were going back and forth on Lisa's husband, Ed Hartwell. And I quote, "I bet his balls smell like cupcakes." LMAO.

Grrrr

I growl, yes...I make weird sounds.

So grrrr.

There was a VERY attractive fellow at work. I peeped his hand for a ring. Nothing. I only see him in the mornings on occassion when we get breakfast.

After a little bit of digging stalking I found out his name and that he's married. GRRRRR.

In my internet research stalking I didn't come up with anything. Except that he's 31, from Jersey and I found that he lives on the west side of ATL. And that his wife runs marathons. These here internets tell all.

But sigh - I really thought this dude was single because he doesn't wear a ring. He was soo freaking cute y'all. So cute (and I don't say that often).

When was the last time that you did a little background on a guy? Did you find anything interesting?

I'm just not that into you.

Okay for real - do you say this to people?

I threw out a faceitious comment regarding realizing that you're not into a person on Creole's spot.

"I'm just not sexually attracted to you; however, I really enjoy your conversation. I thought you'd physically grow on me, but when we kiss...there's absolutely no blood rushing to my lady parts. That let's me know that our chemistry is completely cerebral...which equates to us being only friends."

Or

I'm not interested in you.

I mean either way - shit stings. At least with the first one, there is a concrete reason. If somebody were to say, "I'm not interested in you," I couldn't just leave it at that. I'd follow-up with all sorts of questions. "Why? Did I do something to offend you? Did I say or do something to turn you off?" In my mind, I think back to that one silent but deadly fart that I let out and tried to blame it on the 3 year old that was near us. Maybe that was the relationship-potential-killer.

OR I just stop claling, which isn't fair either.

And quite frankly, I'm not caught up on the mode of communication. I'm an e-mailer. I can't think straight when emotions are involved, the disconnect between my heart brain and mouth becomes more than I can handle.

But yeah - I've been open to dating men that I wasn't initially ravenously attracted to because I thought, "well I'm not repulsed by him. Some of my previous loves didn't start off in some crazy passion...but then again, my previous loves developed in the comfort of college and before where I wasn't even checkin' for a relationship at first. It just evolved. Shit is different now. In order to get to a know a person, you tend to carve time out for them, rather than just having a random convo at the bus stop."

I'm aries, part of my sign says that I don't know how or when to let a person go. This has been the second part of the 2008 story. First half, I was let go of a life and I wasn't by any means prepared for the severence of those relationships. Second half, I can't get rid of cancerous relationships. I have moments of strength, then I have moments of utter loneliness that linger from the batshit-crazy-Q1/Q2...which make it too hard for me to let go of the bad-bridge-to-no-where relationships. Does that make sense? Ionno - it's like at times something is better than nothing even when that something brings you down.

I am Sasha Fierce

So my friend sent me a download of the new album. Ummm. Yawn.

That is all.

The N Word and Facebook

Guess what y'all? I was doing a search on facebook for all those that graduated from the high school that I would've graduated had I stayed in Ohio. I lived in Ohio from pre-K through 9th grade...10 years. So naturally, I feel like Ohio has a piece of my heart.

It also happens to be the place where I was called the n-word on the playground by some beyotch.

Guess who I found on facebook?

What do you think I should do - let it go, post a status message, inbox her directly or breathe get off of this computer and go to work.

What's new?

With me...

Worked out of time like a slave last week. But I did catch up with my cousins.

Hung out with my Little today - took her to the World of Coca-Cola. I MUST say that place really does make me happy.

A friend from the past called me up and invited me out. Interesting twists to come in the future.

I'm terrible at ending relationships. TERRIBLE. I couldn't pick up momentum on Miracle Man, it started great...but then everything fell off on my behalf. Is it necessary for me to call him and be like, "Ummm yeah dude, just not feeling you. There's nothing you or I did, I'm just not feeling you like that." Any suggestions folks?

Yea! I'm starting to thaw out from political angst

I'm watching NBC instead of MSNBC. It's a good feeling.

One thing that I can admit and realize is that shifting my focus to the election allowed me to vacate from my own thoughts and feelings. So it was kind of nice.

But now I'm starting to settle. I got my president. I've got a good job. But I still am wanting a lot.

More than a vacation I want refuge. I'm glad it's holiday season. That means a few trips back home. I've decided that I'm going up to DC in 2009 as many times as I went to Miami last year. I think that DC/VA will provide the refuge that I'm seeking. Getting back to friends and family as often as possible. It's black alumni weekend (yes we have special weekends at pwi's) in April, I'd like to bring the new year in up there, I'd like to see the Cherry Blossoms for my birthday (3/31 - crap it's a Tuesday, well the weekend after or before) Let me tell you I still don't even like thinking about my birthday this past year. I tear up thinking about it. But whatever, it's in the past. I'd like to go to a football game, I'd like to drive up 64 as the leaves turn all sorts of beautiful colors. I want to see my best friends, not because I have business and/or something else to do...but just because I want to see them.

God if it weren't for this job and this mortgage - both of which I don't want to be taken away from me...so this is not some type of prayer that I want you to answer through job loss and foreclosure...but I'd like a new vision or an opportunity to go toward something new. (Yeah, sometimes when it comes to prayer, I'm weary...right after I talked about the two things that keep me here, I feared that one of God's possible answers was joblessness and foreclosure - is that cynical?)

I'm out of Atlanta by 2015. I'll be 34. Who knows if I'll be loved, or loving a family. But I do know that my days are here are limited.

Hmm - as I learn more about Prop 8

the more I'm disgusted.

So it's mainly the Mormons who supported the ban on it. And quite frankly black people.

So let me get this straight.

It's okay to have children wives.

It's okay to have multiple wives.

below the belt comment in 5-4-3-2-1

It's okay to have hundreds of children go into state care because the children are subject to underage sexual acts. BUT it'd be terrible for a same-sex stable couple to adopt a child that needs parental care.

It's okay to oppress a group of people. Despite the fact that you lived the most ultimate form oppression in the form of slavery...where you were property, no better than cattle or horses.

But it's not okay for two consenting adults to choose who they love? And have that love recognized, validated and protected.

Ain't that some bullshit?

Call me liberal, but I don't believe who you are attracted to is a choice. Why would somebody chose to not be able to have basic rights and respect? Society can be such an effed up place at times. That's like me saying, you know what? I choose not to get paid for the hard work I do...I'm black and my right to be considered a human being instead of property should be taken away from me.

Change

He DOES NOT Play.

CHANGE is here.

Has seeing Obama & Michelle's relationship changed you in any way?

On my msg board a dude posted that in an argument his lady said, "i know i won't be comfortable but its bigger than that, its historical, see that's why we are so different and separate, Michelle would be there with Obama......see that's what I want, I want what THEY have.....but I'll just settle for you, you're not gonna rain on my parade, I already took off that week to be there." (there - inauguration).

That was a LOW BLOW, "I'll just settle for you."

With me, I've really thought about my love life and what I want. It's a balancing game. Some women have what I consider to be, "It All," a great career, health, and a loving, successful family/love. Then there are others that have a rigid standard and are still waiting for Mr. Perfect and spending more New Years the way Whitney Houston did in Waiting to Exhale. It's not to say that you have to have love just for the sake of spending New Years with somebody...but let's face reality that the only thing that gives or takes away opportunity in this world is time.

I'm not expecting to meet and marry the next Barack Obama, I'm not Michelle. I want some body that I seek refuge in. The world can be an uninviting place, but at the end of the day, when your boss yelled at ya, or didn't recognize your heard work...when your kids are screaming and acting a fool, when life doesn't go your way...you should be able to collapse in the comfort of your significant other's arms and know that everything is OK.

Intelligent discourse requested

In light of the fact that several bans on gay marriage have passed, please enlighten me as to why people would want to amend a state constitution to prohibit same-sex marriage.

State and Church are separate. So while you may be opposed to gay marriage on a religious basis why would you take away somebody's right/priviledge to marry?

Another argument I might hear is in regards to parenting. As if you need a study to prove what I find obvious...there are studies providing evidence that same-sex couples make good parents (no better or worse than hetero couples). The other argument is that it takes a man and a woman to raise a child. Umm, I'll ignore the obvious stats on divorce and children out of wedlock, but I'm aware that single parent's also have the right to adopt. Under the "a child needs a man and woman" argument, how would a same-sex adoption differ from a single parent adoption? In either case, 'the other' sex is missing from the equation.

I will jump on a limb, and this might not be the case for everybody, but usually people that are against same-sex marriage are also against abortion. At least this applies to the far right republican base. So....if abortion was banned and more children ended up in the foster care system, do you REALLY believe that the children fare better in state care (for which they complain about paying taxes or spreading the wealth) than in a home with loving parents?

I take offense to the mindset of a person that would vote for a ban on same-sex marriage. There are couples that have been in loving committed relationships. One man I know is the one of the most committed people to social endeavors, he's an advocate for animal rights, cancer, AIDS/HIV awareness ect....AND he's loved his significant other, who happens to be a man, for a long time. His character is impeccable. I truly respect and admire him...and would only want him to have protection to LOVE. Who is anybody to judge people, especially when they are actively seeking a better world? Why inflict pain upon a couple when all they do in return is try to LOVE?

I once had to really challenge a friend regarding his biggotted view. His boss had been in a committed relationship with a man for 15 years. I said, "how would you think that their love is wrong? They have supported each other for 15 years. You've been divorced once...should I assume that you don't deserve a loving committed relationship because you didn't succeed at your first one?" (yes that's a low blow). But I really challenged him to see the how real their love was and question why he would deny that love to anybody.

I am REALLY trying HARD to jump in the mind of a person that would vote for a ban on gay marriage, but I'm failing. While I wouldn't be able to agree, at least I could have perspective.

What am I missing?

Debunking the Republican Fiscal Platform

My friend Matt knows how to debate and argue. Here, he takes on the republican that has been duped into believing that the Democrat party's platform on fiscal policy is the demise of the American economy.

I imagine that some democrats hear republicans cling to the economy as the reason they want to vote republican. This dialogue offers many excellent arguing points. It is also extremely factual. If interested, I strongly suggest reading it because it's smart!

Republican:
The only reason I am against welfare and the progressive tax structure is because my dad is 70 and still wakes up every single day and does the job that is asked of him, while my mom is a retired teacher, yet still maintains a job to have an extra income for her family. I'm pretty sure they could be sucking the country dry like some people do on welfare, but they are working hard to maintain the American dream they have made for themselves. They are in a tax bracket where they are about to have to pay a lot more because of Obama's tax plan, so I am bitter for legitimate reasons. I took that status off for obvious reasons as many people have commented on it. I like everything else about Obama, but the economy is the largest issue for me and when my parents’ income is about to go down drastically I am not very happy.

Matt:
I understand this is personal for you. I did not mean to insult you, offend you, or convey anything less than my sincerest love and compassion. I support the Democratic party in general because ideologically I cannot justify living in relative affluence while there are still hungry, tired and poor; uninsured and unadopted inadequately cared for; sickness and ill health roaming the streets. I believe in the core concepts of self-reliance, but I also realize that unregulated capitalism fails to restrain the greed that would ultimately lead to the shrinking of our economy as a whole in addition to social crises similar to that faced in Europe in the 1930s.

I do not blindly acknowledge, however, that social welfare and tax credits are properly administered. There has never been a perfect solution to how such programs should be run, and there are many problems. It is my hope that by centralizing the administration of these programs the Obama administration is able to tighten control and increase accountability. I know that the popular opinion is that he favors unrestrained “hand outs” but that’s not what his rhetoric or record suggests. On the other hand I felt McCain desired to leave financial markets unrestrained, allow extreme upper-class wealth-consolidation to continue its disproportionate growth (CEO pay has increased an annual average of ~15% over the last 30 years as opposed to 2.5% for the average American worker), and refused to acknowledge federal responsibility for the administration of battling poverty. This includes leaving management of socio-economic programs up to states and private enterprise, which results in higher costs to the taxpayer, and less rigid management around the distribution of government funds; in short I do not believe this to be equitable. Part of the reason people in states like Pennsylvania have more faith in programs like Welfare than we do in Alabama is because the controls around distribution as administered by the state government in Alabama is so poor and inadequately maintained.

As for your personal situation, it’s my understanding that Obama’s tax proposals would create new tax brackets and only increase taxes on income earned in excess of $250,000 per individual. This would be $500,000 annually for a married couple filing jointly. I think there is sufficient misunderstanding among the American people when it comes to this; many seem to believe that the middle class will pay more than Obama promises. If we do, we’ll hold him accountable in 4 years for the promises he made and elect someone else.

I assume your parents retirement, however, is less of a tax concern and more of a concern over the economy. Having worked 4 years I built up a balance of $5,000 in my 401k by the end of the summer. I was fortunate to change jobs so my money wasn’t in the market when the first hits from the credit crunch happened, but I still lost $1,000 in October. I can only imagine the sort of losses that people who had worked for 30 or 35 years must have taken and how damaging that must be with a view to retirement in the near future. I personally believe that those losses on investment were a result of a lack of regulation in our capital markets and that the new government will work quickly to ensure this doesn’t happen again. To his credit, even George W. Bush has acknowledged that these measures are necessary in the current climate. John McCain, however, has stuck to the ideology of absolutism and maintained to the end that he would always be a free market economist.

Conservative economics believes that government can best support growth by shifting the balance of disposable income to the wealthiest corporations and individuals by way of lower tax rates at the top brackets. It takes the view that those who know how to make and have money also know best how to invest it on behalf of our economy. It seeks that even at lower tax rates, the investments that those individuals will make with their money will fund economic growth to an extent to make up for the lower tax percentages by way of absolute dollar value. It also has an undeniably and very American aspect to it – it’s up to you to decide how to invest your own money and it’s your right to keep a greater portion of what you earn. There’s nothing wrong with that, and in theory “supply-side” economics is great. I’ve never disputed that.

Theory, however, does not translate into practicality. Many in America today of great wealth have inherited that wealth, and as a result don’t personally know how to invest it wisely. They are able to hire the professionals that make up the remainder of the American wealthy to manage their portfolios for them. They are able to afford hiring the best and the brightest income tax advisers both as employees to manage their corporate tax and as personal accountants for their own income. They can take advantage of complex tax strategies that even I, as a CPA, would never think to come up with due to our overly complex tax rules. I once read that over 100 Fortune 500 CEOs making approximately $12 million per year paid $0 in federal income tax. Of the 2003 Fortune 500, 46 companies paid $0 in corporate income tax or received tax rebates from the federal government.

(Check this out … http://www.corpwatch.org/article.php?id=8110)

On the other hand, liberal economic theory believes that government can best support growth by leveraging more of American’s disposable income into spending. This includes both government physical spending as well as redistributing disposable income to those more likely to go out and spend it – the least wealthy Americans. When you give a rich man $1, he puts it in a savings account. When you give a homeless person $1, he goes and buys food, clothing, shelter, or unfortunately perhaps beer. Even if he goes and buys beer though, that dollar becomes divided up into funding the margins for the small business that owned the convenience store and the distributorship, paying the salaries of the gas station clerk, the bottler employees, and the brewery workers. It pays for managers and janitors alike, and enables the brewer to invest in expanding their business to increase their profits. The profits in turn make the shareholders more wealthy, and from a macroeconomic standpoint all of this leads to a growth in the economy.

What does this lead to in terms of securing a retirement for me in 30 years and for your parents much sooner than that? From 1994 to 1999 under Bill Clinton’s Democratic administration, the S&P 500 increased 351%. That effectively means that someone whose retirement would have earned them $100,000 a year in 1994 would earned them $351,000 in 1999. Under George W. Bush from 2002 to 2007, the S&P 500 increased 42%. That means that blue chip stock values, which a majority of your parents retirement account is likely invested in, increased almost 6 times as much during Clinton’s administration as it has during Bush’s.

I acknowledge that a lot of this is due to changing situations. President Bush has had to deal with 9/11, the fall of Enron/WorldCom, and Iraq. However, there is a reason that when you hear economists talk about the strength of the economy the first thing they mention is “consumer spending.” The way this is increased is by giving more disposable income to those likely to spend their dollars. We haven’t done that over the last 8 years, and now we’re paying the price. People don’t have cash to spend… as a result corporations don’t have cash flows coming in from operations and are having to dig us deeper and deeper in debt to foreign creditors just to pay their bills and payroll when people aren’t buying their inventory.

The reason people like George Bush and Dick Cheney – extremely wealthy upper class Americans – fight so hardly for conservative economics is not that they believe it works. George H.W. Bush called it “voodoo economics” in a primary debate with Ronald Reagan in 1980. They fight for it because they belong to a wealthy and elite class that doesn’t want to give up a single penny of their wealth because they cannot tangibly see how it benefits them. If you’ll notice, however, the extremely intelligent among the ridiculously wealthy (Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, the Kennedy’s) are all strong advocates of progressive (liberal) economic policy. They realize the cycle of the consumer spending and how that strengthens the overall economy.

What the conservative wealthy is do not realize that while they’re economic polices allow them to hold on to their earned dollars – the same policies make their dollars worth less. From 1990 to 2000, the relative strength of the US dollar against the British pound, German mark, Indian rupee, and Swiss Franc increased 17.4%, 31.7%, 56.7%. and 21.5% respectively while weakening (25.6%) compared to the Japanese Yen. To contrast, from 2000 to 2006, the dollar weakened compared to the GBP, Euro, Japenese Yen (17.8%), (26.4%), (4.2%), This essentially means that the purchasing power of $100,000 in 2000 was about 25% more in 2000 than 1990, but (15%) less by 2006.

A funeral...

for the word Nigga, Nigger, or any derivation of it.

We have a black man as president. You, your son or daughter could be president, we are no longer a niggas, niggers or whatever degrading word you want to use.

Tonight I heard two dudes about 25 years old say, "Yeaaa we got a nigga for president!"

I looked at them and said, "No, you have an intelligent black man as president. Do NOT use the word nigga to describe our president, or any person that could potentially be president."

It's dead folks, the division the ignorance...it's all dead.

This is the SONG that captures my spirit

Is anybody else super emotional? Obama inspired emotion?

My eyes tear up and my heart pounds.

I feel like I'm in labor trying to give birth...

I already love the hope inside of me...I just need it to be delivered.

Then I think of my grandmother who won't be here to experience this...but I know that she would be getting the word out as passionately as I have tried. Her civic spirit is with me, it motivates me to write letters to call out injustice.

Some folks don't understand that this is bigger than a mere election.

It's proof that America really is the best place in the world, something I'm not fully comfortable proclaiming because it displays an arrogance. But if Obama does win, it's a testament that ANYTHING is possible, really, anything is possible here. The world is looking toward us to validate that hope. I'm looking toward us to validate that hope.

And after he wins, it won't be so unfathomable that you, me or our unborn children can become president. It will be a position available to any one, it will no longer be exclusive in favor of white men. The democratic party, driven by people like you and I, have done something absolutely historic, or rather something absolutely American. We have given an opportunity to a woman and a multi-racial man. That opportunity opened the door for anybody of a minority standing to be nominated to the two highest offices in the world. Just think....the two types of people once prohibited by the constitution to have basic freedoms have been given the opportunity to be the protectors of the constitution.

And if the unspeakable happens, it'll be evident that America is experiencing a new type of mental slavery. Slavery to lies, deceit, ignorance, a disdain for the globe, a disrespect for hope, a disregard change a new direction, an embrace of hatred, division, an unconditional acceptance for Bush and the 8 years that he has destroyed America. (okay, this might be extreme, but we all entitled to our opinion, this is America!)

Greetings Governor Perdue,

What needs to be done to get appropriate funding for education? I'm outraged and disappointed about the resource cuts made to the Dekalb County school system.

On your page you indicate, "Governor Perdue has focused on growing Georgia's economy and has created over 320,000 new jobs since being sworn-in as Georgia's Governor. He continually works to ensure that Georgia's economy and its businesses are the envy of global competitors. "

You are no longer doing this. As a citizen under your jurisdiction that pays taxes and wouldn't mind paying more so that children can have proper education, I demand that you do better.

How will you do better? What are 3 objectives moving forward that will improve education in Georgia? What do you expect of me, a concerned citizen, to ensure that you can improve education *IF* you are re-elected?

Thank you for your consideration and prompt response,
SunFresh's Government Name

This is the most recent correspondence that I've sent to Georgia's Governor Perdue in response to the face that one of Atlanta's largest counties, Dekalb County is experiencing resource cuts.

Is it really a socialist, liberal concept to ensure that our children receive a decent education? How do you feel about an increase in taxes if say...your children are going to receive a solid education in return?

Wow

One word

So tonight on my favorite message board somebody asked, "why should sexual compatibility be less important than intellectual/emotional and other forms of compatibility?"

I approached this from two different fronts:

1) In a committed relationship - it's just as important as understanding and appreciating somebody's sense of humor. Would you get married to a person whose sense of humor you didn't understand or appreciate. Right...so why not have a similar understanding/appreciation on the sexual front?

(insert your thought here)

Counter-argument - you could learn to understand and appreciate somebody's sense of humor too.

2) Casual sex. I'd rather holler at BOB than this. I went on to say how sex requires a level of trust which I cannot provide in a casual context. I went on to describe the act of sex with a word that has a rather negative connotation. Which made me want to explore why I used this word. Think on it, how would you describe sex? Not in terms of writing a 'how to' manual...it's as natural as eating, breathing and sleeping, nobody needs a how to. A man XXX a woman? A lady part XXX a man part?

my word? intrudes and or intrusive. Yikes - I just looked it up. "to thrust or force into or to thrust or bring in without invitation, permission, or welcome." I need to reset my mindset or select a new word.

the person with whom I was conversing with threw out other words such as:
drawing somebody in
welcoming
engulfing
enticing

(insert one word to describe it)