Erica Badu is pregnant AGAIN, by another man.

*Rolls eyes* Sure I could mind my business and not have an opinion. But I do. My opinion is far bigger than "Erica". More power to her. Our lives don't intersect, so whatever judgment I have of her situation is pretty irrelevant. And I'll preface, my thoughts might piss you off and make you think that I'm close-minded or something else negative. We all bear that risk when we have an opinion...but I'm open to different perspectives.

One opinion that will never budge in my mind:
1) Raising a child in a two parent home is the optimal situation
Before folks get nilly willy with caveats. This is assuming that there is not an abusive situation present.

In life you have responsibilities. When single, you bear the burden (and reward to be fair) of all of those responsibilities. When married, you share those responsibilities. Add a child to that equation, and I cannot imagine that raising a child is easier alone than it would be with another person.

Furthermore, let's be real...most people don't choose to be single parents. They may choose not to wear protection and *hope* for the best. But when is the last time you heard a single woman announce that she is trying to get pregnant (the same way that married couples announce it). Single woman might say wants to have a baby ect, but rarely will one declare: I'm trying to get pregnant. (Also, my opinion doesn't address divorce situations).

So I had a dialogue about this on a message board. E.rica B.adu frequents the message board, as the purpose is primarily to discuss music etc. (But really, most of it is random people exchanging whateverthehell is on their minds). Apparently some posters commented on her being knocked up again by a different men. Yes, that's right, 3 different babies by 3 different men. She responds to their comments with a long dialogue talking about how she can support her kids, folks need to mind their business ect. Unfortunately, celebrities are in the spotlight. Folks would've been just as critical of an every-day woman who got knocked up by 3 different men.

So anyway despite my saying some knee-jerk-spark-a-fire type stuff, a lot of women on the message board were promoting the single-parent situation in defense of her. I'm not here to spark a pro-life/pro-choice debate, that is a deeply personal decision that I am nothing but lucky to have not to had to go through. It's more so on the front end prevention, and is something that I sometimes fail at. You are a single woman not taking every preventative measure to not get pregnant...and you are laying up with a man that doesn't value you enough to commit his life to you and help you to raise a family. THAT IS THE PROBLEM.

But, heck...maybe it's really not a problem and I'm being too harsh/close minded. And if I'm being to harsh/close-minded, try that advice out with your daughter. "Honey, it's okay to not use protection and lay-up with a man that doesn't value you enough to commit to you and/or support you."

sidebar, i always find it disturbing when a couple who is not going through fertility treatment announces that they are trying to get pregnant. Essentially they are telling you that they are having a lot of sex, particularly during a certain time of the month. That ain't my business...just tell me when you're pregnant!

Now Erica, probably has money and a lifestyle that probably allows her great flexibility in raising 3 children on her own. But for those of us 'regular' folk that have a daily job and either lose $/opportunity when we're not working (in the case of entrepreneurs) or must report to powers that be...you can't convince me that being a single parent is easier than sharing the responsibility with another person. You might be a GREAT parent, and will raise very successful children and be otherwise happy. But unless you've got an awesome support system (which would be ESSENTIAL)...I'm not convinced that it's easier. (again, argument isn't that it's wrong and can't be done...I'm just not convinced that single-parenthood is easier).

Also, while you love your children...if you remain single, how do your kids learn (and not just learn, but live and experience) what a respectful male/female relationship is like? (again, comparatively, this the 2-parent home situation assumes a non-abusive respectful relationship where love is demonstrated). I'm not saying it can't be done, but perhaps it'd be easier in a 2-parent home cuz we learn best by example.

Hmm, I just heard an interesting perspective that I never thought of: Perhaps the traditional model of a male/female two parent home is flawed. As a result in the laws of evolution, we are moving against the flawed paradigm to the more "perfect," paradigm.

Well if the "perfect paradigm" is that men plant their seed among several different women and women are to raise children alone....ehhh, that's a VERY scary unsettling concept.

I might be reaching here, so realize that I'm just on a free flow of thought based on what I observe, not based on empirical or even anecdotal evidence and not based on caveat examples of a rich super-star having 3 babies by 3 different men. Free flow thought also assumes that in the single parent situation more often than not it's the woman that bears the responsibility of the children...

Another aspect of this 70% of black children are being born into single parent homes is this perpetuation of the deterioration of family. Oh, perhaps the family is not deteriorating, it's simply that black people are far ahead of the curve and have begun this shift from the flawed family paradigm to the new 'perfect' family paradigm where a woman takes care of children while the man plants his seed all over the world. A person added that the deterioration of the family is a result of the lack of regard and respect for the black woman.

Well if you're a black man that was raised in a single parent home...
you may not have REALLY learned how to love/respect women. You may have feared your mother and saw her as an authority figure; however, you probably didn't see a man nurture and love her. So as an adult, you perceive *us* as authority figures, say that we suffer from ABW syndrom...yet still expect us to take care of you. You end up having a child, but are not married because it wasn't a part of your perception of family growing up. Cycle continues.

If you're a black woman that was raised in a single parent home...
you may have learned that a woman must do it all by herself and can do it pretty well, so really, a man is not necessary. You may want a man, but you KNOW he's know necessary. So as an adult, you're not really impressed by your counterpart...the black man that was raised in a single parent home. You end up having a child, but are not married because it wasn't a part of your perception of family growing up. Cycle continues.

I know I could be far off base with some of my opinions and recognize that I have a close-minded view. But because of my value system, which is based on how I grew up and what I was surrounded with / exposed to...I probably won't have 3 babies by 3 different men. *knocks on wood*