Baby Steps

I won't go into how this year was one that turned me upside down. I've had to take a lot of time off trying to heal, love myself make me whole again.

My biggest flaw is being self critical, to an almost paralyzing point. It's not a new quality by any means, I grounded myself the first time that I ever received a B on a report card. I eased up on myself by college, cuz a B was a good thing at that point.

So with a lot of the relationships that were broken, I took it out on me. I blamed me for the failures. But as we all know, a lot of times failed relationships fail because both parties cannot get their act together.

Forgiving myself has given me a new found peace and appreciation for...me. Unfortunately, I've become selfish with my time with me. My next step will be to engage in relationships with others...but baby steps.

This weekend was rather triumphant for me. How so? Baby Steps. I've become an avid coffee drinker. At work, before I open my e-mail I run upstairs to get coffee. Sugar, non-dairy french vanilla creamer. But you know what I realized? I am 27 years old and did not know how to make coffee. Something that brings me so much pleasure (and unfortunately I've acquired a caffine addiction). So what did I do today? Went out, got a cheap Mr. Coffee 4-cup coffee maker and made my first pot of coffee. Baby steps.

Then I realized that I needed to get filters, coffee (durrrr), and creamer. While in the grocery store I came upon Plantains.

Plantains, oh dear plantains. The first time I that I ever tried to cook plantains was when I put together a feast for the ex (Lamb Shanks). The ex is Haitian, and I wanted to cook something that felt native to him. Ain't NOBODY ever tell me how to make them. I had had them in restaurants, and it seemed simple enough. Throw them in with some brown sugar, butter and cinnamon. So that's exactly what I intended to do. However, I had no concept about the consistency of a raw plantain. I figured that you peel them like a banana.. Imagine the horror as I broke a sweat trying to peel raw plantains. So I casually asked somebody how to make them and the secret that I never knew...you HAVE to boil them first to soften them up.

So I bought some plantains, boiled them until they were soft...who'd-a-thunk-it? The skin peeled right on off with the ease of a banana, post boil. I then threw them in a pan with sugar, cinnamon, butter and a touch of vanilla. Can we say YUM.

So far today, I've had a cup of coffee and plantains but I feel FULL. and I'm taking baby steps. I also played lots of Wii this morning. Golf is harder than it appears. Tennis is addictive. Baseball....I finally got the swing of things (literally @ Joe Biden).

Last night I hung out with Miracle Man. Chemistry...not so sure. I am convinced he has split personalities because some days he's affectionate and others he's luke warm. Last night was a luke warm night. Ehh - I think it really might be time to clean house and start over.

And woah is me, I go to the Mary J. Blige / Robin Thicke concert in T-3.5 hours with the Haitian ex. I might bring him along some plantain chips.