First Kiss

I'm bored on a Saturday night, it's raining something nasty in ATL and I don't think I'll be leaving my humble abode tonight. Plus, I don't think I'll catch second wind.

For entertainment, I recall what I remember about my first kiss.

I remember some girl named Lindsey was having her 13th birthday party in a church recreational room. Her parents chaperoned the party. She pretty much invited the entire 7th grade class, plus a few people that she knew. Including Drew Cheeseman. Yes, Cheeseman.

Drew was a popular soccer player that lived in the suburb north of my suburb. I had met him before because his family was good friends with one of my friend's family. So there'd be weekends where I'd hang out at a friend's house and he'd be there. There was a bit of a minor flirtation...whatever type of flirtation that could exist amongst awkward 13 year olds.

Okay, so back to the party. Imagine a cheesy episode of Family Ties...there was an episode when Alex P. Keaton was at his senior prom with Ellen Reed, dancing to "At this Moment." That's kind of the setting, except we weren't wearing hideous 80s style prom dresses. However, I'm sure I probably french rolled my jeans. The DJ was playing a generous amount of R&B songs, given that there were probably 3 black people there, including me.



Drew was a soccer player. And for a 13 year old boy, he had that nice soccer player body. The song Pretty Brown Eyes came on and he lead me out to the dance floor. I remember feeling how strong he was and he was wearing Ralph Lauren Polo. Even to this day, the second I smell Polo, I get a slight throb.



Anywho....we started dancing. Closer than any of the other middle school couples were dancing. He started brushing his face against mine. I could feel his breath on my neck, and was not quite in control and/or had never experienced the physiological reaction going on in my body. You know, the one where you breathe deeper, your eyes soften, blood rushes to "areas."





Well, at one point, he brushed his lips against mine. This went on for a few moments and at once, his tongue parted my lips and I was having my first french kiss.

The next day I was completely embarrassed and apologized to the birthday girl. But yeah, the was my first kiss.

What was yours like?

Bunny...I go on and on and on...

So last night I had a good old time. I was inspired by all things 80s, so I dressed up in my best attempt to look 80s ish...(equippped with a pair of Jordache Jeans). I went to Atlanta's only non-pretentious sweat box club...and sweat it out like the energizer bunny. Thanks Mimi for a much needed night!

Upon first meeting me, one might come up with all sorts of assumptions. But when it comes down to it...I just like to dance. lol. And dance is what I did. I believe that instead of Mozart, my mom out headphones blasting Cool and the Gang on her stomach when I was still in the womb.

When the night came to a close, I do what anybody does and checks their phone. The ex sent some hate text messages and rather than ignoring them and going home, I pulled off of the highway and went back and forth with him via text for a moment or two.

And what it boils down to - I was in the wrong for my actions...despite the fact that when I did something a lil' less upstanding...we were NOT together. There was absolutely no commitment between us. So I do what I do, because I'm a grown @ss woman. But he fails to see how his constant rejection of me over a 7 month period was just as jarring to me. At the time that I needed him the most, he was no where to be found, and this is all of a month after him telling me that he was going to propose to me. I hate it how men disregard their actions and don't find any wrong in 1) telling a woman you love her, but not enough 2) providing false hope, talk about marriage, babies and the like one week and then about four weeks later stripping her of that. That shit is fucked UP. Anyway you slice it.

Writing Catholicism into Law hurts women.

Yeah, I said it. I'm not big on Catholicism, sorry if this greets you as offensive. I think it's one of the most oppressive forms of Christianity in existence. It clashes so heavily with culture, health and common sense. For example, people will disrgard rules about not having pre-marital sex, but will obey rules about not using any forms of birth control.

So Bush's McCain Administration's newest idiotic attempt at writing Catholocism into law is a bill that aims to redefine abortion. From the WSJ, "A draft regulation, still being revised and debated, treats most birth-control pills and intrauterine devices as abortion because they can work by preventing fertilized eggs from implanting in the uterus. The regulation considers that destroying "the life of a human being."

I pick my bone with Catholicism because the law is essentially consistent with the rules around why a woman is not supposed to take birth control.

What the type of fucktardetry is that? No seriously.

Where are the religious conservatives in regards to Viagra?

Read it for yourself. Catholicism into Law.

Okay - I feel better

lol. I'm over at Huffington Post. I saw a headline indicating that Obama opposes slavery reparations. Instead he wants to invest $ into inner city schools and jobs for the unemployed. Not that every black person is in unemployed, in the inner city and under-educated; however, if you give reparations to some folks...you will have more Impala's sitting on 23s (did I say that right?). You will have more people wearing designer clothes, but not paying rent.

Reparations is a dumb idea in my opinion. Namely because MOST of us have European blood flowing through our veins. So would my reparation check be phased out after my blood test reveals that I'm 74.4234% black? Side note: I have a friend that did a genealogy study and based on her weird computations...she realized that she's 60% white. lol. Giggle giggle giggle. Huh?

We've got to understand that reacting to the past is the way to move into the future.

Again...teach a man to fish...and he'll never go hungry.

Slightly Frustrated...

With Obama. Yes, Obama.

Quite frankly, I don't care much as to whether we drill off-shore or not. I understand that we won't reap the benefits in the next 4 years...or even 8 probably. Quite honestly, the most revolutionary idea idea is the Pickens Plan. I LOVE it that a private investor is stepping up to drive change. Like why do we have to wait until the government makes a move?

I guess what I'm frustrated about is him taking a dominant stance...and then falling back on it. My recommendation would be...from the get, leave your options open. Tell us that you're #1 interest is repairing the economic welfare in the United States, which among other things requires dealing with the black blood oil. This gives you room to do whatever necessary.

In no way would I ever vote for McCain...he's all sorts of erratic and crazy. But I'm entitled to be frustrated with the man that will lead us into the next phase of this Country's life.

My new line

I just think your sexy...in a friendship kind of way.

nh

Miracle Man

My date went really well last night. He is a good guy...(Facebook Guy...whom we can now more accurately call Miracle Man). MM was very pleasant, easy to talk to, quite the gentleman...I can tell he's a pleaser. I say that because he let me pick the wine and the apetizer...two things that are shared; however, I noticed that he didn't really eat the apetizer (edamame). I do believe that he enjoyed the wine, Pinot Noir is my new favorite.

I think I made him nervous, I noticed that his hands were shaking a little bit. Taht's so endearing/cute. And he said at least two times that he thought I was attractive. I also gather that he's at a point in his life where he is looking for wifey instead of girl 6. So who knows, I'll continue having fun until it ain't right.

There will be a second date.

I realized that taking this lil' vow of celibacy makes dating 100X easier for me.

It's Official...hell has frozen over.

Two off the beaten path things have happened in the past hour.

1) My mother sent me a friend request on facebook. WTF. No, seriously...WTF.

2) 2-Year-Man-Ex called to "check-up," on me. I think he wants me to be miserable. So when I told him that I went to Charlotte, and am going out...I think he got the hint that I'm moving on. I am NOT playing any dumb games with him. He asks a question, he's got to be prepared for the truth. I'm no longer interested in trying to protect his ego.

Favorite Songs

and

An Ode to Image Consultants

You all are SO important...do we know who this is:



It's actually the man that I would give it all up for. lol

Would you?

Y'all know I love my msg board. Lol, so many great exchange of ideas. Anywho...check this out. The topic was unique date ideas and here is one that I absolutely loved. Would you do it?

You and your chick both go to a thrift shop with
a set limit on how much you can spend (lets say 20-30
bucks, funded by you) and buy some really ridiculous lookin
shit for each other...You then proceed to go grab a few
drinks and head to whatever event you had already planned
rockin the same gear for the rest of the night...Its
effective because its an unifying, let your hair down type
of thing and shows that you not only have enough confidence
to walk around looking ridic but also that you are into her
enough to still go to places with folks lookin at her all crazy
and you dont give a good got-damn about it

Confesion #4

I don't care much for reggae. I woke up way too early and I'm listening to the radio's morning mix and they're doing reggae. It's kind of like techno to me. Same general beat, can't really understand what the hell they are saying. I enjoy it for like 7 minutes; however, after that, I'mma need the DJ to switch it up.

Rarely do I find people that agree with me on that one.

Wait, Weight

I've hummed around that 2008 was a rather bad year for me. The ex-ex actually said something very profound that made a LOT of sense. Something to the effect of...SunFresh, your most inner thoughts/desires manifested themselves in a series of relationships that you had. So in the 2-Year man, you knew that you didn't want to spend your life with him, so your actions...while unintentional...lead to your break-up with him. In respect to the "Cruel"...you didn't care for a handful of those people, and the truth manifested...granted the delivery of the truth was rather ugly...it is what it is. While the transition period was rather painful, you're better off.

But the transition period. The loss of two types of relationships that defined a big piece of who I am within a one-month period was more than I cared to take. Even now, that ish hurts like hell at times.

Okay, this is a post about my weight. And I'm an emotional eater...not in the sense that I eat when I'm sad...quite the contrary, I deprive myself of food when I'm sad. Not consciously per se, but the feelings of anxiety & emotional emptiness fill me up to the point where I'm physically full and cannot eat.

I don't own a scale because I'd assume that I'd be obsessive. I measure my weight by the way clothes fit. Suit pants that used to grip my thighs, now hang off. Dresses that used to suffocate my hips now fit. I don't know that I've been this thin since I first moved to ATL and couldn't afford to eat (literally, all I ate was one 2 egg omlette daily b/c it was cheap, good and had necessary nutrients).

I also find it slightly awkward when people comment on my physique. Like Pool Boy assumed I had a rigorous work-out schedule. Ummm...last time I went to the gym....maybe beginning of July. Ionno, I guess in the same way that a person who gains weight is sensitive to comments about their changed appearance, I feel the same insecurity...cept society tends to reward people for being thin.

Aight - enuf random personal thought purging for the night.

Pool Boy

So another prospect is pool boy. I met him two weekends ago at Kickball Girl's (KG) pool. I could tell he had a lingering eye for me; however, I couldn't tell if he was just a normal guy around a girl in a bikini, or he was truly interested.

So he ran into KG this past weekend and made it known that he'd like to run into me again. KG got my approval to pass along my contact info...he called today.

I can't quite feel him out. He's cute, a former soccer player. He went a PWI in my conference and of course we had moments of talking shit to each other. I'll probably see him this weekend. He's a bit too skinny for my tastes. I like 'em at least 185...he looks about 160ish. I anticipate that one day I'll gain weight, and I don't want to be bigger than my man....so I'm trying to give myself plenty of room to grow. lol.

Anywho, we have a date on Sunday. I've got a date with Facebook Guy (FbG) Thursday.

I realized that I have started this dating thing rather late in life. I like the getting out the house and getting a free meal aspect of it...I even like the first few conversations. However, when a guy starts looking at me googly eyed like he wants to kiss me or something...that's when I freak out and play dead. (But of course, I'm not quite dead).

Matter of fact, Omlette-Poop man sametime'd me today to re-ask why I geared off task. I'm not forward enough to be like...it turned me ALL THE WAY OFF when you talked about eating omlettes and pooping (on the first official date). Now don't get me wrong, my sense of humor can be that of a 12 year old boy and I can giggle at all things poo related; however, it's not sexy. So when you try to do my favorite small of the back touch, instead of feeling warm and googly...I feel cold and tense. Which lets me know that you must quickly be friend-shifted.

Facebook Guy...

That will have to be his name until I meet him and get a better feel for him. So how'd we connect? Well...given that these are the days of the internets:

I frequent a given message board. One of the posters who lives in Austin indicated that he had a lot of friends in Atlanta and he was going to introduce me to at least one. So my message board buddy and I became facebook friends. On facebook you can send one message to two people. So this was my introduction to facebook guy:

SunFresh, meet Facebook Guy.

Facebook Guy, meet SunFresh.

SunFresh wants to find out where the kneegrows who's about some shit is in Atlanta.

Facebook Guy is a kneegrwo who's about some shit.

Talk amongst yourselves.

A little blunt, if you will...but the introduction was made. Facebook Guy sent me a separate message to start dialogue. We've agreed to meet up on Thursday evening for dinner.

I randomly get a text from him asking what my favorite drink is. For right now...Kettle One & Tonic. We will see where this one leads.....

Part #4: The departure

We left the hotel at about 11:45, knowing that we HAD to get starbucks if we were going to make it back home. So we sat down and he ate some fatty pastry while I sipped on my coffee. Ironically I like my coffee...regular, squirts of vanilla and enough cream/milk in it for it to turn my skin-color. And yes, to test, I put my hand near the coffee and assess whether or not I have enough cream/milk in it.

So we talk the last couple of minutes, and it's clear that we are both not super-excited to return to real life. He mentions that he's seriously looking to move out of smallville, VA in at least a year and is on a quest to test a few cities. So who knows, perhaps a fantasy get away weekend is in store to go to chicago and pheonix.

So we sit in Starbucks prolonging the inevitable for at least 45 minutes to an hour. We get up and he walks me to my car, we hug, kissed a small bit, make a lot of eye contact and I say...I have a corny gift for you. He smiles and is like, huh?

What brought him and I together was a desire to escape reality due to various losses that we had experienced in 2008. So, I got an old unused jewelry box and turned it into a memory box. On red construction paper, I printed "Smile July 27-28," the top of the box lid. Inside, I left the following message:

Loss leaves us empty.
But learn not to close
Your heart and mind.
Allow life to replenish you.
When sorrow comes
It seems impossible...but
NEW JOYS wait to fill the void

Accompanied by the message, I encouraged him to continue creating joy and packing the memory away in the memory box. He smiled a genuine smile, gave me a hug and said that he's definitely putting this past weekend into the memory box.

The best way to summarize this weekend...Create memories that resemble fantasies.

AWWWWEEEE...I just received the following message from him: so, wanted to say thanks again for a great weekend. i had a lot of fun and i was sad to see our lil get-a-way come to a close...it was perfect. thanks again for my gift, it was very thoughtful.
hope you have a good week ahead! viva la charlotte 2008!

Part #3: Cosmo Lounge The Forum

On our drive from Pewter Rose to Cosmo Lounge, we both fell in love with the vibe and energy of Charlotte. It is a very "new" city. Bright lights, modern architecture, young professionals.

But I started to detect the country boy in him. It was just little things, and it was cute. So I pointed out that I noticed the "small town," in him. I never realized how "city," I was. For example, a parking garage costing $5 seemed like a steal to me...to him, he wanted to search for street parking. After circling blocks a few times, he concurred that $5 wasn't TOO bad. Oh, and he wore a soft, slightly mesh Alumni collared shirt with Khaki's and shoes that weren't quite bball shoes, but they weren't quite casual either. Kind of like a hybrid between air jordans and doc martins. He got a recommendation to go to Cosmo Lounge; however, the bouncers shined their light on his shoes and denied him entry. To this he was stunned. He was like, "huh, they want me to dress up to party?" I said, it's all good, let's just keep it moving and find a spot where we can have fun and be comfortable. So we walk a few blocks and find The Forum.

The bouncer shines his lights on his shoes, and then motions for us to come closer. After we pass the ropes, eh bouncer says, "yo man, next time your in town just make sure to wear the appropriate shoes." He is taken back, but appreciative that this bouncer wasn't such a douche-bag about the situation. We go in and I kinda am tickled that black dudes are looking at me following him with looks of stupafication on their face. Ehhh, deal with it. The inside was smokey, packed and loud. So we decided to do a walk around and came to the rooftop area.

The rooftop was less mixed (I was a minority), but the crowd was less pretentious, folks were drinking and dancing to the sub-par techno music. We posted up against a railing and just played around dancing. At some point we start giving each other googly eyes, and he started teasing...doing some LL Cool J lick lips, smile, brush his cheek against mine but then look away. The inevitable happened, we kissed...and it was quite heavenly. From that point on, we just kept gazing at each other, dancing, joking, and stealing lil' kisses from each other.

Funny Random: At some point we're standing along, clearly into each other and two couples post up in our vincinity. The guys start up a conversation with us...and one goes on to tell us how he just bought an $8,000 hot tub that can seat at most 16 people. He indicated that the party over the VIP area was with him. We had notice how X-rated this VIP group of people were. We saw girl-on-girl kissing, some girl grinding her crotch area in a couples face. He goes on talking about his hot tub and how when 16 people are in it, no bathing suits are allowed because the detergent in the clothing causes unecessary bubbles. AND THEN HE INVITED US TO COME TO HIS HOT TUB. In case you didn't get all that...we were invited to swing with a group of about 16 people. Sexy Man and I are a bit more tame than that...so we declined. Mind you...these people are 35 and older...the average age was probably 40. RANDOM. Is that how y'all grown folk get down? hehehehe

Nonetheless, we had an absolutely fabulous time.

And I'll conclude by saying that while we didn't horizontal shimmy (or even Bill Clinton's version of it)...we had a lovely evening.

Part #2: Pewter Rose

Pewter Rose was his suggestion...and was it a fabulous option. It was intimate; yet inviting...the ambiance was absolutely fabulous. At around 8:30, a jazz set started on the side of the restaurant that appeared to be a lounge.

Conversation went from the rather shallow end of replaying events from the past, to depth about who we are, our opinions and how the past events shaped the way we view the world. I'll save his details to my heart...however, the one thing I put out on the table, as it was sitting in the back of both of our minds...was the vow of celibacy that I took for AT LEAST the rest of 2008. I explained to him that I hadn't truly experienced a relationship with a man that wasn't sexually-centric. To that he tipped his hat and our conversation went deeper from there. At this point we're revealing vulnerabilities and establishing safety and comfort.

We talked for 3.5 hours and noticed that it was 11 and the place was slowing down. We decided to go to the next place...

Part #1: The initial meeting

Okay, in case you didn't get this minor detail, this entire 24 hour weekend date was planned without SM (SexyMan) and I talking on the phone. Darn internet and text served as our only means of communication until we were staring each other in the face.

I timed the drive almost perfectly. We decided to meet at a Charlotte restaurant a 1 pm. I arrived at like 1:10. He was already sitting at a table sipping on a water. I walk in a bit frazzled (I was 10 min late because I stopped at the nearest McDonald's to reapply lipstick, brush some bronzer on, and spritz my smell good on). And I came trying to look casually dressed; however, I don't do good on casual, especially when making first impressions...or rather 2nd impressions 5 years later.

I saw him sitting at the talbe. Despite my poor eye-sight, I thought...he's still got it. I approached and smiled and he rose and gave me a good hug. He wore a nike t-shirt, khaki shorts and Jordans. He was shorter than I remembered; 5'10...yet he wore it well, at about 190 lbs. His hair was neat, and his Go-Tee accentuated his sexy lips. He greeted me with a casual, yet familiar warm embrace. I sat down and we began conversation...initially, it was casual, and you could still tell that both of us were nervous. But conversation unfolded. We caught up on the past few years.

People always ask what's the first thing you notice about a person and/or your favorite feature on somebody. For the longest, I was at a loss on how to respond to this question. It's his lips. The first 20 minutes or so while my mind was listening to his words my lust was watching his lips move.

Random funny, when the waiter brought our platters out (I had salmon and he had crabcakes) this older (had to have at least been 80 years old) white lady approached our table. Him and I discussed later that we had the same apprehension upon her approach; however, our worries seemed ridiculous when she asked, "Is that the grouper and crab cakes?" LMAO. We for sure thought that she was going to comment on the vanilla and chocolate swirl.

By the time we finished, it was approximately 2:40; check in was at 3, so we decided to head over to the hotel. He booked through traveloicty. When he said, yes there is a reservation under Sexy Man, the lady looked it up on the computer and said...it's not here. SILENCE....no offering alternatives, or a room at the same rate. Then another young man came out and helped to find our reservations. Let's just say that customer service was not this place's strongest quality.

We headed to the room and had finally started to warm up a bit to each other. Making silly jokes and trying to plan our next few moves. We saw that we had about 4-5 hours to kill before our dinner reservations at Pewter Rose, and we threw out seeing Dark Knight. My movie review will have to be a stand alone post. The movie was excellent; Health Ledger was PHENOMENAL in his role as the joker.

So we continued to fill quiet moments with laughs...and then it was 3:45...time to go see Dark Knight.

It's official...I am mean.

So one of my school mates posted a vlog response to the CNN in America. She was giving "Brothas" a pat on the back and encouraging them to keep their head up despite all of the statistics aired out on CNN.

My response:

Marry your baby's daddy then.

Houston we have a problem...a serious one.

Black men, this is for you. I'm on my fav msg board and the topic thrown out is:

This sista was like the chances of her dating a black man were 1 in a billion. she would win the lotto first, because black men are too aggressive.

I looked sideways and asked my girl what she thought. She cosigned the part about how brothers are too aggressive.

I couldn't quite articulate what it was until I read this poster's response. But I felt her pain so accurately it was my own. She had quite a bit to say...

I'll try my best though cuz this is an issue that really plagues my life

I don't even look Black Men in the eye....
This might sound horrible but since I was 13 I've been harassed, touched in private areas in broad day light, disrespected, etc etc...
They are all blank figures to me unless I know you personally
very rarely have I even spared a second of my time to acknowledge them
This is probably mad unfair but I've been conditioned to this point

I'm so tired of the shit
I changed my whole route of traveling to the city to avoid having to walk anywhere

Every day of my life when I walk out of my house I already know there's gonna be a black man that's going to come at me
off rip, they gonna be in my face

I just want it to stop. Just LEAVE ME ALONE
I want it to stop without having to give up who I am...
The day I am able to walk down the street and not have a black man all in my face trying to have sex with me is a day I treasure
Cause sex is what it's all about

I tired to calm the situation down a little bit by just saying "hi" back to them really quickly and keep it moving
I still won't look them in the eye because to me that's what they want
these silly ass men want to get attention from you at any cost

So 2 days ago, I see to black dudes approaching
I'm hurrying to the train
one em speaks to me on some holler shit and says something about my legs
I just say hi real fast and keep it moving in the process
the one dude gets furious and says "Girl, you better look at me when I speak to you"

*looks into the camera*

Nigga who the FUCK you think you talking to???
He talked to me like a child. I'm grown ass woman and you calling me girl. I don't know his ass and he making threats and shit
I mean just wild as hell. Think about the disrespect of the whole thing

I was soooo mad but I didn't say anything. I rarely do unless they are following me in a car or something. That happens a lot too

I think about black men on the street who I don't know as attention seeking bastards that only want to fuck
I feel slightly different in social situations
but men on the street??? arrgh!

White In America - I'm on a quest to understand that experience

*sarcasm*

So I'm talking to Charlotte-Cutie who is white. Babs and I are trying to come up with an appropriate pet name for him. I suggested Blanco...but that's not a good look. Oh...he said his Go-T has grown out, faints cuz he oozes sexiness with the go-t. We'll call him SexyMan...SM

Anywho tonight I discovered, that in fact...he's black (per CNN). He was raised by a single mother, wasn't "rich," etc...all that was defined to be the black in america experience. Actually, I realized that I'm actually white in America.

Lol, in his sarcastic tone, this is how his CNN: White in America show would depict the average white family:

I guess in order to be white i should marry, have a house in the suburbs, have 2.5 cars, two dogs, and $22,783 in credit card debt?

while having an affair with the babysitter, and my wife sleeping with the pool boy

my son on crack, and my daughter sneaking out to make out with her girlfriend

because im too absent minded at home, too focused on my career, and my wife will have every young stud after her 34 DD silicon beauties

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My solution:


We'll both be blue...uncharted territory!

Iconic...

Why is it that EVERY photograph of Obama looks Iconic?

He's always got some inspiring look on his face.

So I sit and ponder...does he look iconic when he burbs and poops?

Da Hells ?

I just realized that Charlotte is more of a 4 hour drive than 3 hour drive. What was I thinking? I better get my ipod loaded with some jams, and take out a mortgage for the cost of gas.

He picked a fabulous restaurant to kick off our 24 hour weekend. I have happy / excited butterflies in my tummy. Part of the fun is having NO IDEA of what to expect.

Lol - and every friend that I tell about it first gives me the look of bullshit when I swear up and down that I'm not going to do the horizontal shimmy with him. People I have self control!!!! And then their eyes get even bigger when I describe him as more Jon B. than Usher. lol

I need sensitivity training re: Black In America

I believe that I'm in the minority that doesn't think that this movie was sent from heaven above. Sometimes I wonder if I've embraced an "euro-centric," perspective on life...at times it scares me that one could say I sound Republican-ish-esque-ness.

One topic last night that I was like, Well what the hell do you expect? The single mother of 5.

Before the story got too deep, I just *KNEW* that she had been married and the guy had passed away...b/c in my mind that is the only way that a person would rack up 5 children and then be left to raise them on their own.

NOPE - This chic laid down, not once, twice, thrice, fource...but a fifth time with a guy that did not commit to raising a family with her. Who's at fault. *Runs and gets her a mirror.* (yes, I know fource is not a word, it just sounded right).

Then the talk about the single, educated black women who've got it going *snaps to all of you out there.* I agree, stop limiting your vision to black only...that's called segregation. But on the flip side, let's be real...black women aren't necessarily being scooped up left and right by white men (or any race of man for that matter). Perhaps CNN will put it en vouge.

The CNN special validated what I've heard to be a big deterrant for white men: The intersection of a white man's family and the 1 drop rule. That special was the 3rd time I've heard the sentiment that a white man's family has taken objection to "tainting the blood-line," and having "black babies."

Then the clip on HIV/AIDS. First, they made the poor girl look stupid, "Taquesha is having unprotected s.ex with a man that she doesn't even know if she likes." And how many of you were on the edge of your seat as she found out the test results of the HIV test...that was more riveting than an episode of 24. But sh*t the HIV/AIDS stats are absolutely terrifying. Like if you live in DC, how do you not walk out the house in a full body condom?

The other aspect of the HIV/AIDS story...the role the "black church" plays in the denial of the problem. Let's be real, the black church is more about community than Jesus/religion. It always has been the crutch of the black community...and for that we should definitley be appreciative. However, the same church that preaches all that's in the bible (waiting until marriage to have sex aka abstinance) has a children's Sunday school comprised heavily of out-of-wedlock babies and teenage-mothered-babies. Soooo...let's deal with the problem by not tackling prevention, but fully support and condone it on the back end? Whatever, these preachers should consider providing the se.x education that these people are not getting at home or in school. And s.ex education does not = preaching abstinence.

I wonder if Jesse wants to cut off CNN's nuts now? CNN aired dirty laundry like nobody's business. Some folks are like, "well at least they're talking about it." Umm, black people, that was for us and about us. That show probably confirmed a lot of negative stereotypes/assumptions that others had about us (hell, it confirmed some things for me).

I'm a firm believer that if you are to change a problem, you start with self first. So if the documentary wants folks to dialogue and make change...we first need to tell woman with 5 kids, "I know you were depressed; however, you exasperated your situation by laying down with a man that doesn't care about you or his seeds...5 times. That is your fault." Or the girl having unprotected sex, "Honey, I'm glad you are lucky this time, but there are no more excuses for having unprotected sex...especially if you're not even sure if you like the guy."

Cleansing done

Without details, I had a lot of toxins in my life. I made some poor decisions. Guess what I'm done. Finally completed the cleansing process. Lessons learned:

1) Don't consistently hang in groups in which you don't care for one or two persons personalities. If you like a person or two in a larger circle, invest in them, not the greater circle.

2) A person that tells other people's business to you will tell your business to them.

3) Blog shouldn't be an all out vent session. It was okay circa 2004-2005 when blogs were still unchartered territory. Now er'body and their mama got one. (and if you do have to vent...remain as anonymous as possible).

4) It's okay to cut people off, even if you loved them at once. If you feel more pain over them than joy...it's time to eliminate them from your life.

5) Be a better friend to those that are a good friend to you.

errgg

The ex called. He has a canny way of knowing when I'm either about to do something wild and crazy, have had pre-him tendencies/thoughts/dreams, or am not feeling like talking to him b/c I'm not feeling super fabulous. Thank god, we missed each other. And lawd knows he's not going to be all willy nilly that I'm in a different city with another guy...so I'll just continue to avoid his calls for now.

WOAH - I DO SOME CRAZY THINGS

and this is one of them.

So let's go back into SunFresh history.

He was a year younger than I was. He started hanging around "The Boys," which was a group of respectable young men that were in my class at college. He looks like...ionno. He's 5'10/5'11, sexiest lips ever, basketball body, passionate, into hip hop, was determined in school...sexy ass white man. lol. So back in college, there was one night where I agreed to chill with him in his suite. The common area of his suite. We sat on the couch and cuddled something crazy. At some point I got a lil' excited so I gave him green light signals. But he didn't accelerate. We hugged, gave each other a few longing stares, but nothing happened.

Fastforward...he ended up getting married shortly after graduation. We lost contact. I didn't really think twice about him.

Then I got a facebook friend request from him. I was like ehhh - cool, no biggie. He did the facebook instant message a time or two. One night we were having a really engaging convo, and I blatently asked, Ummm so are you still married. Noooooo....

So he's single. He hits me up now and then. We're a little flirty.

It has been at least 5 years since I saw him and essentially...we are at best acquaintences...not even associates!

Fast forward to tonight.

We're meeting up in Charlotte this weekend. 24 hours of an escape from reality. It's not on some slutatious fun. We've both had some trying times. We just want to get away from reality and laugh. I'm so excited! It'll be fun fun fun.

CRAZY SPONTANEOUS :-)

Talk to your daughter

So my father was a great provider. I was never hungry, was always clothed, and always had a roof over my head.

But I can name the one time that he showed an ounce of adoration of me. ONE TIME.

Otherwise, we'd have convos regarding credit ect....

So after talking to my sister for an hour and a half I come to realize that we have similar difficulties in dealing with men.

So it makes me look at my father like......perhaps it's your fault. Thanks for being around, but Sis and I have no clue how to relate to men and have depth. Okay, to be fair, it's not that we don't have a clue, we have both had successful relationships - but we didn't base our example on our pops. We mistake a talk about credit with a talk about love. lol

Stop the presses

Comedy!

Yea or Nay?

Get more than 2 women to interact on a consistent basis (ie a clique) and there is a 90% chance that nastiness will ensue.


always makes me wonder how folks do sororities.

NOPE

Bwhahahahhahah. That's AWESOME

CNN - Black In America

I admit, at first I thought this was going to be on some woah is me bullshit. But this series is pretty engaging and good. (In part because a lot of the thoughts/ideas are congruent with mine he he). But anywho, I wanted to remind myself to pass this along to the asshole that I met earlier this year.

Daddy's Promise Pledge. He was telling me about how he has a daughter in NYC. Granted, it is not practical or possible for him to see his daughter every day, given that he lives in ATL. But he says that he's just going to wait until his daughter is older and trust that she's as inquisitive as he is before he tries to build a relationship with her. GTFOHWTBS. I give him credit in that the mother is on some "I'm an independent woman and don't need shit from a man," MESS...but really he created a LIFE and needs to do whatever necessary to be a part of that life.

I haven't heard from him in several weeks; however, he ran into an associate of mine this past weekend. She reported back to me that he asked, "How's your girl, Sunfresh doing?" MOFO, you have my muffukkin #, if you cared in the least bit, you'd call to ask me. Don't play fake in the club for the sake to save your ass from looking like an ass. Yes, I admit to the pettiness in sending him a link to the pledge...perhaps I would've if we were on good terms too. Whatever the case, he needs an outlet to learn how to be a black father, cuz he didn't have one and as it stands now, neither does his daughter.

Lmao - Cornell West is BRILLIANT, but soo exaggerated.

Weekend Rewind

Friday I had a date with Mr. PhD. You know, in retrospect, I'm not sure it's fair to call it a date. As I'm around this guy more, I come to realize that he's got a lot of female friends and is more likely to check out something with a woman than to call one of his boys up to hang. Nonetheless, at 8pm on Friday in my mind it was a date and I got all dolled up. He made notice of it; however, I think he'd prefer me to wear jeans and a cute top instead of my hot baby doll dress dress with killer shoes. He offered me some wine, and as usual we made random effortful conversation. Then we headed to the art museum for the friday night Jazz. Right now at the High, History Remixed is the exhibit. Essentially it's photographs from the 1960s civil rights movement. So as ya girl walked around...I started CRYING. The photographs were so moving, I could not hold back the tears. When he noticed, he gave me a smile and uncomfortable friend hug. Lol, but then he decided it was time to leave the exhibit b/c he didn't want me crying anymore. I promised to him that I could handle the rest without another tear...and I did. We drove back to his place, and instead of pressing his luck, he walked me to my car and gave me a yummy hug. A much better hug than previously. But NOTHING. no smooch. :-( I suppose we're truly just friends and I can stop with the effort of being cute.

Saturday: Kickball time. I sat in 85 traffic for a freaking geez hour and a half and missed the game. Luckily for me, the other team forfeited and actually took the loss...so I truly didn't miss the game. Our sister team played at 3, so I stayed around and watched the second game. I saw some of my past associates, with whom I no longer associate. I made it a point to avoid crossing paths in order to avoid uncomfortable fake hellos. Honestly, I did a terrible job of eating this weekend. It was 5 pm and I hadn't eaten so instead of going to the bar, I headed back home and took it easy. (I finally ate).

Sunday: I was supposed to check out two brunches with neighbor/coworker/friend. She texted around 10 to say that she was not going to be able to make it. I didn't really have anything nice ot say in response to that, so I didn't respond immediately. I kind of wallowed in disappointment but around 3 my kickball buddy called. By 4:30 I was over at her pool. I must say that it was fun. There was a group of guys there that engaged us in a game of pool football. I will say I'm most confident when half clothed (I know, this is super lame)...so I was very much in my element. Even my kickball buddy complimented my figure and demanded that I say a confident THANK YOU, instead of a bashful thank you.

Overall, the weekend wasn't a complete bust. I'm doing a better job of not sleeping my life away.

Political / Current Event Quiz

Quiz

What was your score?

Me - I got an 83%. (10/12).