It's official...I am mean.

So one of my school mates posted a vlog response to the CNN in America. She was giving "Brothas" a pat on the back and encouraging them to keep their head up despite all of the statistics aired out on CNN.

My response:

Marry your baby's daddy then.

Houston we have a problem...a serious one.

Black men, this is for you. I'm on my fav msg board and the topic thrown out is:

This sista was like the chances of her dating a black man were 1 in a billion. she would win the lotto first, because black men are too aggressive.

I looked sideways and asked my girl what she thought. She cosigned the part about how brothers are too aggressive.

I couldn't quite articulate what it was until I read this poster's response. But I felt her pain so accurately it was my own. She had quite a bit to say...

I'll try my best though cuz this is an issue that really plagues my life

I don't even look Black Men in the eye....
This might sound horrible but since I was 13 I've been harassed, touched in private areas in broad day light, disrespected, etc etc...
They are all blank figures to me unless I know you personally
very rarely have I even spared a second of my time to acknowledge them
This is probably mad unfair but I've been conditioned to this point

I'm so tired of the shit
I changed my whole route of traveling to the city to avoid having to walk anywhere

Every day of my life when I walk out of my house I already know there's gonna be a black man that's going to come at me
off rip, they gonna be in my face

I just want it to stop. Just LEAVE ME ALONE
I want it to stop without having to give up who I am...
The day I am able to walk down the street and not have a black man all in my face trying to have sex with me is a day I treasure
Cause sex is what it's all about

I tired to calm the situation down a little bit by just saying "hi" back to them really quickly and keep it moving
I still won't look them in the eye because to me that's what they want
these silly ass men want to get attention from you at any cost

So 2 days ago, I see to black dudes approaching
I'm hurrying to the train
one em speaks to me on some holler shit and says something about my legs
I just say hi real fast and keep it moving in the process
the one dude gets furious and says "Girl, you better look at me when I speak to you"

*looks into the camera*

Nigga who the FUCK you think you talking to???
He talked to me like a child. I'm grown ass woman and you calling me girl. I don't know his ass and he making threats and shit
I mean just wild as hell. Think about the disrespect of the whole thing

I was soooo mad but I didn't say anything. I rarely do unless they are following me in a car or something. That happens a lot too

I think about black men on the street who I don't know as attention seeking bastards that only want to fuck
I feel slightly different in social situations
but men on the street??? arrgh!

White In America - I'm on a quest to understand that experience

*sarcasm*

So I'm talking to Charlotte-Cutie who is white. Babs and I are trying to come up with an appropriate pet name for him. I suggested Blanco...but that's not a good look. Oh...he said his Go-T has grown out, faints cuz he oozes sexiness with the go-t. We'll call him SexyMan...SM

Anywho tonight I discovered, that in fact...he's black (per CNN). He was raised by a single mother, wasn't "rich," etc...all that was defined to be the black in america experience. Actually, I realized that I'm actually white in America.

Lol, in his sarcastic tone, this is how his CNN: White in America show would depict the average white family:

I guess in order to be white i should marry, have a house in the suburbs, have 2.5 cars, two dogs, and $22,783 in credit card debt?

while having an affair with the babysitter, and my wife sleeping with the pool boy

my son on crack, and my daughter sneaking out to make out with her girlfriend

because im too absent minded at home, too focused on my career, and my wife will have every young stud after her 34 DD silicon beauties

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

My solution:


We'll both be blue...uncharted territory!

Iconic...

Why is it that EVERY photograph of Obama looks Iconic?

He's always got some inspiring look on his face.

So I sit and ponder...does he look iconic when he burbs and poops?

Da Hells ?

I just realized that Charlotte is more of a 4 hour drive than 3 hour drive. What was I thinking? I better get my ipod loaded with some jams, and take out a mortgage for the cost of gas.

He picked a fabulous restaurant to kick off our 24 hour weekend. I have happy / excited butterflies in my tummy. Part of the fun is having NO IDEA of what to expect.

Lol - and every friend that I tell about it first gives me the look of bullshit when I swear up and down that I'm not going to do the horizontal shimmy with him. People I have self control!!!! And then their eyes get even bigger when I describe him as more Jon B. than Usher. lol

I need sensitivity training re: Black In America

I believe that I'm in the minority that doesn't think that this movie was sent from heaven above. Sometimes I wonder if I've embraced an "euro-centric," perspective on life...at times it scares me that one could say I sound Republican-ish-esque-ness.

One topic last night that I was like, Well what the hell do you expect? The single mother of 5.

Before the story got too deep, I just *KNEW* that she had been married and the guy had passed away...b/c in my mind that is the only way that a person would rack up 5 children and then be left to raise them on their own.

NOPE - This chic laid down, not once, twice, thrice, fource...but a fifth time with a guy that did not commit to raising a family with her. Who's at fault. *Runs and gets her a mirror.* (yes, I know fource is not a word, it just sounded right).

Then the talk about the single, educated black women who've got it going *snaps to all of you out there.* I agree, stop limiting your vision to black only...that's called segregation. But on the flip side, let's be real...black women aren't necessarily being scooped up left and right by white men (or any race of man for that matter). Perhaps CNN will put it en vouge.

The CNN special validated what I've heard to be a big deterrant for white men: The intersection of a white man's family and the 1 drop rule. That special was the 3rd time I've heard the sentiment that a white man's family has taken objection to "tainting the blood-line," and having "black babies."

Then the clip on HIV/AIDS. First, they made the poor girl look stupid, "Taquesha is having unprotected s.ex with a man that she doesn't even know if she likes." And how many of you were on the edge of your seat as she found out the test results of the HIV test...that was more riveting than an episode of 24. But sh*t the HIV/AIDS stats are absolutely terrifying. Like if you live in DC, how do you not walk out the house in a full body condom?

The other aspect of the HIV/AIDS story...the role the "black church" plays in the denial of the problem. Let's be real, the black church is more about community than Jesus/religion. It always has been the crutch of the black community...and for that we should definitley be appreciative. However, the same church that preaches all that's in the bible (waiting until marriage to have sex aka abstinance) has a children's Sunday school comprised heavily of out-of-wedlock babies and teenage-mothered-babies. Soooo...let's deal with the problem by not tackling prevention, but fully support and condone it on the back end? Whatever, these preachers should consider providing the se.x education that these people are not getting at home or in school. And s.ex education does not = preaching abstinence.

I wonder if Jesse wants to cut off CNN's nuts now? CNN aired dirty laundry like nobody's business. Some folks are like, "well at least they're talking about it." Umm, black people, that was for us and about us. That show probably confirmed a lot of negative stereotypes/assumptions that others had about us (hell, it confirmed some things for me).

I'm a firm believer that if you are to change a problem, you start with self first. So if the documentary wants folks to dialogue and make change...we first need to tell woman with 5 kids, "I know you were depressed; however, you exasperated your situation by laying down with a man that doesn't care about you or his seeds...5 times. That is your fault." Or the girl having unprotected sex, "Honey, I'm glad you are lucky this time, but there are no more excuses for having unprotected sex...especially if you're not even sure if you like the guy."

Cleansing done

Without details, I had a lot of toxins in my life. I made some poor decisions. Guess what I'm done. Finally completed the cleansing process. Lessons learned:

1) Don't consistently hang in groups in which you don't care for one or two persons personalities. If you like a person or two in a larger circle, invest in them, not the greater circle.

2) A person that tells other people's business to you will tell your business to them.

3) Blog shouldn't be an all out vent session. It was okay circa 2004-2005 when blogs were still unchartered territory. Now er'body and their mama got one. (and if you do have to vent...remain as anonymous as possible).

4) It's okay to cut people off, even if you loved them at once. If you feel more pain over them than joy...it's time to eliminate them from your life.

5) Be a better friend to those that are a good friend to you.

errgg

The ex called. He has a canny way of knowing when I'm either about to do something wild and crazy, have had pre-him tendencies/thoughts/dreams, or am not feeling like talking to him b/c I'm not feeling super fabulous. Thank god, we missed each other. And lawd knows he's not going to be all willy nilly that I'm in a different city with another guy...so I'll just continue to avoid his calls for now.

WOAH - I DO SOME CRAZY THINGS

and this is one of them.

So let's go back into SunFresh history.

He was a year younger than I was. He started hanging around "The Boys," which was a group of respectable young men that were in my class at college. He looks like...ionno. He's 5'10/5'11, sexiest lips ever, basketball body, passionate, into hip hop, was determined in school...sexy ass white man. lol. So back in college, there was one night where I agreed to chill with him in his suite. The common area of his suite. We sat on the couch and cuddled something crazy. At some point I got a lil' excited so I gave him green light signals. But he didn't accelerate. We hugged, gave each other a few longing stares, but nothing happened.

Fastforward...he ended up getting married shortly after graduation. We lost contact. I didn't really think twice about him.

Then I got a facebook friend request from him. I was like ehhh - cool, no biggie. He did the facebook instant message a time or two. One night we were having a really engaging convo, and I blatently asked, Ummm so are you still married. Noooooo....

So he's single. He hits me up now and then. We're a little flirty.

It has been at least 5 years since I saw him and essentially...we are at best acquaintences...not even associates!

Fast forward to tonight.

We're meeting up in Charlotte this weekend. 24 hours of an escape from reality. It's not on some slutatious fun. We've both had some trying times. We just want to get away from reality and laugh. I'm so excited! It'll be fun fun fun.

CRAZY SPONTANEOUS :-)

Talk to your daughter

So my father was a great provider. I was never hungry, was always clothed, and always had a roof over my head.

But I can name the one time that he showed an ounce of adoration of me. ONE TIME.

Otherwise, we'd have convos regarding credit ect....

So after talking to my sister for an hour and a half I come to realize that we have similar difficulties in dealing with men.

So it makes me look at my father like......perhaps it's your fault. Thanks for being around, but Sis and I have no clue how to relate to men and have depth. Okay, to be fair, it's not that we don't have a clue, we have both had successful relationships - but we didn't base our example on our pops. We mistake a talk about credit with a talk about love. lol

Stop the presses

Comedy!

Yea or Nay?

Get more than 2 women to interact on a consistent basis (ie a clique) and there is a 90% chance that nastiness will ensue.


always makes me wonder how folks do sororities.

NOPE

Bwhahahahhahah. That's AWESOME

CNN - Black In America

I admit, at first I thought this was going to be on some woah is me bullshit. But this series is pretty engaging and good. (In part because a lot of the thoughts/ideas are congruent with mine he he). But anywho, I wanted to remind myself to pass this along to the asshole that I met earlier this year.

Daddy's Promise Pledge. He was telling me about how he has a daughter in NYC. Granted, it is not practical or possible for him to see his daughter every day, given that he lives in ATL. But he says that he's just going to wait until his daughter is older and trust that she's as inquisitive as he is before he tries to build a relationship with her. GTFOHWTBS. I give him credit in that the mother is on some "I'm an independent woman and don't need shit from a man," MESS...but really he created a LIFE and needs to do whatever necessary to be a part of that life.

I haven't heard from him in several weeks; however, he ran into an associate of mine this past weekend. She reported back to me that he asked, "How's your girl, Sunfresh doing?" MOFO, you have my muffukkin #, if you cared in the least bit, you'd call to ask me. Don't play fake in the club for the sake to save your ass from looking like an ass. Yes, I admit to the pettiness in sending him a link to the pledge...perhaps I would've if we were on good terms too. Whatever the case, he needs an outlet to learn how to be a black father, cuz he didn't have one and as it stands now, neither does his daughter.

Lmao - Cornell West is BRILLIANT, but soo exaggerated.

Weekend Rewind

Friday I had a date with Mr. PhD. You know, in retrospect, I'm not sure it's fair to call it a date. As I'm around this guy more, I come to realize that he's got a lot of female friends and is more likely to check out something with a woman than to call one of his boys up to hang. Nonetheless, at 8pm on Friday in my mind it was a date and I got all dolled up. He made notice of it; however, I think he'd prefer me to wear jeans and a cute top instead of my hot baby doll dress dress with killer shoes. He offered me some wine, and as usual we made random effortful conversation. Then we headed to the art museum for the friday night Jazz. Right now at the High, History Remixed is the exhibit. Essentially it's photographs from the 1960s civil rights movement. So as ya girl walked around...I started CRYING. The photographs were so moving, I could not hold back the tears. When he noticed, he gave me a smile and uncomfortable friend hug. Lol, but then he decided it was time to leave the exhibit b/c he didn't want me crying anymore. I promised to him that I could handle the rest without another tear...and I did. We drove back to his place, and instead of pressing his luck, he walked me to my car and gave me a yummy hug. A much better hug than previously. But NOTHING. no smooch. :-( I suppose we're truly just friends and I can stop with the effort of being cute.

Saturday: Kickball time. I sat in 85 traffic for a freaking geez hour and a half and missed the game. Luckily for me, the other team forfeited and actually took the loss...so I truly didn't miss the game. Our sister team played at 3, so I stayed around and watched the second game. I saw some of my past associates, with whom I no longer associate. I made it a point to avoid crossing paths in order to avoid uncomfortable fake hellos. Honestly, I did a terrible job of eating this weekend. It was 5 pm and I hadn't eaten so instead of going to the bar, I headed back home and took it easy. (I finally ate).

Sunday: I was supposed to check out two brunches with neighbor/coworker/friend. She texted around 10 to say that she was not going to be able to make it. I didn't really have anything nice ot say in response to that, so I didn't respond immediately. I kind of wallowed in disappointment but around 3 my kickball buddy called. By 4:30 I was over at her pool. I must say that it was fun. There was a group of guys there that engaged us in a game of pool football. I will say I'm most confident when half clothed (I know, this is super lame)...so I was very much in my element. Even my kickball buddy complimented my figure and demanded that I say a confident THANK YOU, instead of a bashful thank you.

Overall, the weekend wasn't a complete bust. I'm doing a better job of not sleeping my life away.