Throwback #1: Does the Flash Not Work?

I had deleted my previous blog for reasons that I won't mention. However, my blog chronicles who I am and what I've gone through. I recently found that I copied quite a bit from the previous blog prior to deleting it...thank God. So today, I'm going to post a few throwbacks...

I'm driving 35-40 mph on Paces Ferry. There is an old red pick-up car slighty behind me to the right and a boxy blue buick/oldsmobile to my left, parked at the red light approximately 200 feet away from me. Naturally, I begin to break for the redlight...only my car continues at the 35-40 mph pace. I have completely lost control of the car. My eyes dart around, quickly scoping out the scene, my mind reacting likewise, "What is going on with my car? Why isn't it breaking? Am I in a bad dream right now?" Realizing that I'm not about to wake up or be put to permenant rest, I swerve slightly to the right to avoid the boxy blue buick/olsmobile. I say, slightly...that was my intended move. "Okay, this is reality, I have to take control of the situation, I can do this. You have to regain control." My parent's joint soul reitterates what they've told me before, "Don't fight the direction your car is naturally traveling in. " My car vehemently circles to the right in a spinning motion. I do as told, and turn my wheel toward the right. I'm sliding faster than Disney on Ice.

Now that the car to my left is out of my range, I quickly see the side of the bridge and the red pick-up approaching me. Now completely out of control, "Is this it, I mean really, is this the end? I can't believe it. My life isn't flashing before my eyes, I wonder how my family is going to be notified" And I resigned, no fear, no fighting it, no flashes. Although I am completly out of control of the car; I felt completely in control of the situation. The situation is that I lived my life the best way that I knew how to. I loved and was loved. I accomplished and exceeded my goals. Everything was okay.

All these thoughts flooded my head in the short moments before my car came to a stop two lanes displaced and facing the edge of the bridge. The red pick-up slowly passed me...I couldn't see the person inside, but I could sense their soul...looking over me to ensure that I was okay.

And after feeling over-calmed and resigned by the end...I panicked the second that I realized that I was fine. Life would continue. I would continue to love, be loved, find complete bliss, have heartbreaks, exceed goals, miss deadlines, stress, rejoice. My heart pounded, my thoughts - moments ago were serenely calm, but were now a jumbled mess.

Life IS that stimulating and thrilling. Even if there are no flashes.