Okay, in case you didn't get this minor detail, this entire 24 hour weekend date was planned without SM (SexyMan) and I talking on the phone. Darn internet and text served as our only means of communication until we were staring each other in the face.
I timed the drive almost perfectly. We decided to meet at a Charlotte restaurant a 1 pm. I arrived at like 1:10. He was already sitting at a table sipping on a water. I walk in a bit frazzled (I was 10 min late because I stopped at the nearest McDonald's to reapply lipstick, brush some bronzer on, and spritz my smell good on). And I came trying to look casually dressed; however, I don't do good on casual, especially when making first impressions...or rather 2nd impressions 5 years later.
I saw him sitting at the talbe. Despite my poor eye-sight, I thought...he's still got it. I approached and smiled and he rose and gave me a good hug. He wore a nike t-shirt, khaki shorts and Jordans. He was shorter than I remembered; 5'10...yet he wore it well, at about 190 lbs. His hair was neat, and his Go-Tee accentuated his sexy lips. He greeted me with a casual, yet familiar warm embrace. I sat down and we began conversation...initially, it was casual, and you could still tell that both of us were nervous. But conversation unfolded. We caught up on the past few years.
People always ask what's the first thing you notice about a person and/or your favorite feature on somebody. For the longest, I was at a loss on how to respond to this question. It's his lips. The first 20 minutes or so while my mind was listening to his words my lust was watching his lips move.
Random funny, when the waiter brought our platters out (I had salmon and he had crabcakes) this older (had to have at least been 80 years old) white lady approached our table. Him and I discussed later that we had the same apprehension upon her approach; however, our worries seemed ridiculous when she asked, "Is that the grouper and crab cakes?" LMAO. We for sure thought that she was going to comment on the vanilla and chocolate swirl.
By the time we finished, it was approximately 2:40; check in was at 3, so we decided to head over to the hotel. He booked through traveloicty. When he said, yes there is a reservation under Sexy Man, the lady looked it up on the computer and said...it's not here. SILENCE....no offering alternatives, or a room at the same rate. Then another young man came out and helped to find our reservations. Let's just say that customer service was not this place's strongest quality.
We headed to the room and had finally started to warm up a bit to each other. Making silly jokes and trying to plan our next few moves. We saw that we had about 4-5 hours to kill before our dinner reservations at Pewter Rose, and we threw out seeing Dark Knight. My movie review will have to be a stand alone post. The movie was excellent; Health Ledger was PHENOMENAL in his role as the joker.
So we continued to fill quiet moments with laughs...and then it was 3:45...time to go see Dark Knight.
7.27.2008
7.26.2008
It's official...I am mean.
So one of my school mates posted a vlog response to the CNN in America. She was giving "Brothas" a pat on the back and encouraging them to keep their head up despite all of the statistics aired out on CNN.
My response:
Marry your baby's daddy then.
My response:
Marry your baby's daddy then.
7.25.2008
Houston we have a problem...a serious one.
Black men, this is for you. I'm on my fav msg board and the topic thrown out is:
This sista was like the chances of her dating a black man were 1 in a billion. she would win the lotto first, because black men are too aggressive.
I looked sideways and asked my girl what she thought. She cosigned the part about how brothers are too aggressive.
I couldn't quite articulate what it was until I read this poster's response. But I felt her pain so accurately it was my own. She had quite a bit to say...
I'll try my best though cuz this is an issue that really plagues my life
I don't even look Black Men in the eye....
This might sound horrible but since I was 13 I've been harassed, touched in private areas in broad day light, disrespected, etc etc...
They are all blank figures to me unless I know you personally
very rarely have I even spared a second of my time to acknowledge them
This is probably mad unfair but I've been conditioned to this point
I'm so tired of the shit
I changed my whole route of traveling to the city to avoid having to walk anywhere
Every day of my life when I walk out of my house I already know there's gonna be a black man that's going to come at me
off rip, they gonna be in my face
I just want it to stop. Just LEAVE ME ALONE
I want it to stop without having to give up who I am...
The day I am able to walk down the street and not have a black man all in my face trying to have sex with me is a day I treasure
Cause sex is what it's all about
I tired to calm the situation down a little bit by just saying "hi" back to them really quickly and keep it moving
I still won't look them in the eye because to me that's what they want
these silly ass men want to get attention from you at any cost
So 2 days ago, I see to black dudes approaching
I'm hurrying to the train
one em speaks to me on some holler shit and says something about my legs
I just say hi real fast and keep it moving in the process
the one dude gets furious and says "Girl, you better look at me when I speak to you"
*looks into the camera*
Nigga who the FUCK you think you talking to???
He talked to me like a child. I'm grown ass woman and you calling me girl. I don't know his ass and he making threats and shit
I mean just wild as hell. Think about the disrespect of the whole thing
I was soooo mad but I didn't say anything. I rarely do unless they are following me in a car or something. That happens a lot too
I think about black men on the street who I don't know as attention seeking bastards that only want to fuck
I feel slightly different in social situations
but men on the street??? arrgh!
This sista was like the chances of her dating a black man were 1 in a billion. she would win the lotto first, because black men are too aggressive.
I looked sideways and asked my girl what she thought. She cosigned the part about how brothers are too aggressive.
I couldn't quite articulate what it was until I read this poster's response. But I felt her pain so accurately it was my own. She had quite a bit to say...
I'll try my best though cuz this is an issue that really plagues my life
I don't even look Black Men in the eye....
This might sound horrible but since I was 13 I've been harassed, touched in private areas in broad day light, disrespected, etc etc...
They are all blank figures to me unless I know you personally
very rarely have I even spared a second of my time to acknowledge them
This is probably mad unfair but I've been conditioned to this point
I'm so tired of the shit
I changed my whole route of traveling to the city to avoid having to walk anywhere
Every day of my life when I walk out of my house I already know there's gonna be a black man that's going to come at me
off rip, they gonna be in my face
I just want it to stop. Just LEAVE ME ALONE
I want it to stop without having to give up who I am...
The day I am able to walk down the street and not have a black man all in my face trying to have sex with me is a day I treasure
Cause sex is what it's all about
I tired to calm the situation down a little bit by just saying "hi" back to them really quickly and keep it moving
I still won't look them in the eye because to me that's what they want
these silly ass men want to get attention from you at any cost
So 2 days ago, I see to black dudes approaching
I'm hurrying to the train
one em speaks to me on some holler shit and says something about my legs
I just say hi real fast and keep it moving in the process
the one dude gets furious and says "Girl, you better look at me when I speak to you"
*looks into the camera*
Nigga who the FUCK you think you talking to???
He talked to me like a child. I'm grown ass woman and you calling me girl. I don't know his ass and he making threats and shit
I mean just wild as hell. Think about the disrespect of the whole thing
I was soooo mad but I didn't say anything. I rarely do unless they are following me in a car or something. That happens a lot too
I think about black men on the street who I don't know as attention seeking bastards that only want to fuck
I feel slightly different in social situations
but men on the street??? arrgh!
White In America - I'm on a quest to understand that experience
*sarcasm*
So I'm talking to Charlotte-Cutie who is white. Babs and I are trying to come up with an appropriate pet name for him. I suggested Blanco...but that's not a good look. Oh...he said his Go-T has grown out, faints cuz he oozes sexiness with the go-t. We'll call him SexyMan...SM
Anywho tonight I discovered, that in fact...he's black (per CNN). He was raised by a single mother, wasn't "rich," etc...all that was defined to be the black in america experience. Actually, I realized that I'm actually white in America.
Lol, in his sarcastic tone, this is how his CNN: White in America show would depict the average white family:
I guess in order to be white i should marry, have a house in the suburbs, have 2.5 cars, two dogs, and $22,783 in credit card debt?
while having an affair with the babysitter, and my wife sleeping with the pool boy
my son on crack, and my daughter sneaking out to make out with her girlfriend
because im too absent minded at home, too focused on my career, and my wife will have every young stud after her 34 DD silicon beauties
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My solution:
We'll both be blue...uncharted territory!
So I'm talking to Charlotte-Cutie who is white. Babs and I are trying to come up with an appropriate pet name for him. I suggested Blanco...but that's not a good look. Oh...he said his Go-T has grown out, faints cuz he oozes sexiness with the go-t. We'll call him SexyMan...SM
Anywho tonight I discovered, that in fact...he's black (per CNN). He was raised by a single mother, wasn't "rich," etc...all that was defined to be the black in america experience. Actually, I realized that I'm actually white in America.
Lol, in his sarcastic tone, this is how his CNN: White in America show would depict the average white family:
I guess in order to be white i should marry, have a house in the suburbs, have 2.5 cars, two dogs, and $22,783 in credit card debt?
while having an affair with the babysitter, and my wife sleeping with the pool boy
my son on crack, and my daughter sneaking out to make out with her girlfriend
because im too absent minded at home, too focused on my career, and my wife will have every young stud after her 34 DD silicon beauties
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My solution:
We'll both be blue...uncharted territory!
7.24.2008
Iconic...
Why is it that EVERY photograph of Obama looks Iconic?
He's always got some inspiring look on his face.
So I sit and ponder...does he look iconic when he burbs and poops?
He's always got some inspiring look on his face.
So I sit and ponder...does he look iconic when he burbs and poops?
Da Hells ?
I just realized that Charlotte is more of a 4 hour drive than 3 hour drive. What was I thinking? I better get my ipod loaded with some jams, and take out a mortgage for the cost of gas.
He picked a fabulous restaurant to kick off our 24 hour weekend. I have happy / excited butterflies in my tummy. Part of the fun is having NO IDEA of what to expect.
Lol - and every friend that I tell about it first gives me the look of bullshit when I swear up and down that I'm not going to do the horizontal shimmy with him. People I have self control!!!! And then their eyes get even bigger when I describe him as more Jon B. than Usher. lol
He picked a fabulous restaurant to kick off our 24 hour weekend. I have happy / excited butterflies in my tummy. Part of the fun is having NO IDEA of what to expect.
Lol - and every friend that I tell about it first gives me the look of bullshit when I swear up and down that I'm not going to do the horizontal shimmy with him. People I have self control!!!! And then their eyes get even bigger when I describe him as more Jon B. than Usher. lol
I need sensitivity training re: Black In America
I believe that I'm in the minority that doesn't think that this movie was sent from heaven above. Sometimes I wonder if I've embraced an "euro-centric," perspective on life...at times it scares me that one could say I sound Republican-ish-esque-ness.
One topic last night that I was like, Well what the hell do you expect? The single mother of 5.
Before the story got too deep, I just *KNEW* that she had been married and the guy had passed away...b/c in my mind that is the only way that a person would rack up 5 children and then be left to raise them on their own.
NOPE - This chic laid down, not once, twice, thrice, fource...but a fifth time with a guy that did not commit to raising a family with her. Who's at fault. *Runs and gets her a mirror.* (yes, I know fource is not a word, it just sounded right).
Then the talk about the single, educated black women who've got it going *snaps to all of you out there.* I agree, stop limiting your vision to black only...that's called segregation. But on the flip side, let's be real...black women aren't necessarily being scooped up left and right by white men (or any race of man for that matter). Perhaps CNN will put it en vouge.
The CNN special validated what I've heard to be a big deterrant for white men: The intersection of a white man's family and the 1 drop rule. That special was the 3rd time I've heard the sentiment that a white man's family has taken objection to "tainting the blood-line," and having "black babies."
Then the clip on HIV/AIDS. First, they made the poor girl look stupid, "Taquesha is having unprotected s.ex with a man that she doesn't even know if she likes." And how many of you were on the edge of your seat as she found out the test results of the HIV test...that was more riveting than an episode of 24. But sh*t the HIV/AIDS stats are absolutely terrifying. Like if you live in DC, how do you not walk out the house in a full body condom?
The other aspect of the HIV/AIDS story...the role the "black church" plays in the denial of the problem. Let's be real, the black church is more about community than Jesus/religion. It always has been the crutch of the black community...and for that we should definitley be appreciative. However, the same church that preaches all that's in the bible (waiting until marriage to have sex aka abstinance) has a children's Sunday school comprised heavily of out-of-wedlock babies and teenage-mothered-babies. Soooo...let's deal with the problem by not tackling prevention, but fully support and condone it on the back end? Whatever, these preachers should consider providing the se.x education that these people are not getting at home or in school. And s.ex education does not = preaching abstinence.
I wonder if Jesse wants to cut off CNN's nuts now? CNN aired dirty laundry like nobody's business. Some folks are like, "well at least they're talking about it." Umm, black people, that was for us and about us. That show probably confirmed a lot of negative stereotypes/assumptions that others had about us (hell, it confirmed some things for me).
I'm a firm believer that if you are to change a problem, you start with self first. So if the documentary wants folks to dialogue and make change...we first need to tell woman with 5 kids, "I know you were depressed; however, you exasperated your situation by laying down with a man that doesn't care about you or his seeds...5 times. That is your fault." Or the girl having unprotected sex, "Honey, I'm glad you are lucky this time, but there are no more excuses for having unprotected sex...especially if you're not even sure if you like the guy."
One topic last night that I was like, Well what the hell do you expect? The single mother of 5.
Before the story got too deep, I just *KNEW* that she had been married and the guy had passed away...b/c in my mind that is the only way that a person would rack up 5 children and then be left to raise them on their own.
NOPE - This chic laid down, not once, twice, thrice, fource...but a fifth time with a guy that did not commit to raising a family with her. Who's at fault. *Runs and gets her a mirror.* (yes, I know fource is not a word, it just sounded right).
Then the talk about the single, educated black women who've got it going *snaps to all of you out there.* I agree, stop limiting your vision to black only...that's called segregation. But on the flip side, let's be real...black women aren't necessarily being scooped up left and right by white men (or any race of man for that matter). Perhaps CNN will put it en vouge.
The CNN special validated what I've heard to be a big deterrant for white men: The intersection of a white man's family and the 1 drop rule. That special was the 3rd time I've heard the sentiment that a white man's family has taken objection to "tainting the blood-line," and having "black babies."
Then the clip on HIV/AIDS. First, they made the poor girl look stupid, "Taquesha is having unprotected s.ex with a man that she doesn't even know if she likes." And how many of you were on the edge of your seat as she found out the test results of the HIV test...that was more riveting than an episode of 24. But sh*t the HIV/AIDS stats are absolutely terrifying. Like if you live in DC, how do you not walk out the house in a full body condom?
The other aspect of the HIV/AIDS story...the role the "black church" plays in the denial of the problem. Let's be real, the black church is more about community than Jesus/religion. It always has been the crutch of the black community...and for that we should definitley be appreciative. However, the same church that preaches all that's in the bible (waiting until marriage to have sex aka abstinance) has a children's Sunday school comprised heavily of out-of-wedlock babies and teenage-mothered-babies. Soooo...let's deal with the problem by not tackling prevention, but fully support and condone it on the back end? Whatever, these preachers should consider providing the se.x education that these people are not getting at home or in school. And s.ex education does not = preaching abstinence.
I wonder if Jesse wants to cut off CNN's nuts now? CNN aired dirty laundry like nobody's business. Some folks are like, "well at least they're talking about it." Umm, black people, that was for us and about us. That show probably confirmed a lot of negative stereotypes/assumptions that others had about us (hell, it confirmed some things for me).
I'm a firm believer that if you are to change a problem, you start with self first. So if the documentary wants folks to dialogue and make change...we first need to tell woman with 5 kids, "I know you were depressed; however, you exasperated your situation by laying down with a man that doesn't care about you or his seeds...5 times. That is your fault." Or the girl having unprotected sex, "Honey, I'm glad you are lucky this time, but there are no more excuses for having unprotected sex...especially if you're not even sure if you like the guy."
7.23.2008
Cleansing done
Without details, I had a lot of toxins in my life. I made some poor decisions. Guess what I'm done. Finally completed the cleansing process. Lessons learned:
1) Don't consistently hang in groups in which you don't care for one or two persons personalities. If you like a person or two in a larger circle, invest in them, not the greater circle.
2) A person that tells other people's business to you will tell your business to them.
3) Blog shouldn't be an all out vent session. It was okay circa 2004-2005 when blogs were still unchartered territory. Now er'body and their mama got one. (and if you do have to vent...remain as anonymous as possible).
4) It's okay to cut people off, even if you loved them at once. If you feel more pain over them than joy...it's time to eliminate them from your life.
5) Be a better friend to those that are a good friend to you.
1) Don't consistently hang in groups in which you don't care for one or two persons personalities. If you like a person or two in a larger circle, invest in them, not the greater circle.
2) A person that tells other people's business to you will tell your business to them.
3) Blog shouldn't be an all out vent session. It was okay circa 2004-2005 when blogs were still unchartered territory. Now er'body and their mama got one. (and if you do have to vent...remain as anonymous as possible).
4) It's okay to cut people off, even if you loved them at once. If you feel more pain over them than joy...it's time to eliminate them from your life.
5) Be a better friend to those that are a good friend to you.
errgg
The ex called. He has a canny way of knowing when I'm either about to do something wild and crazy, have had pre-him tendencies/thoughts/dreams, or am not feeling like talking to him b/c I'm not feeling super fabulous. Thank god, we missed each other. And lawd knows he's not going to be all willy nilly that I'm in a different city with another guy...so I'll just continue to avoid his calls for now.
7.22.2008
WOAH - I DO SOME CRAZY THINGS
and this is one of them.
So let's go back into SunFresh history.
He was a year younger than I was. He started hanging around "The Boys," which was a group of respectable young men that were in my class at college. He looks like...ionno. He's 5'10/5'11, sexiest lips ever, basketball body, passionate, into hip hop, was determined in school...sexy ass white man. lol. So back in college, there was one night where I agreed to chill with him in his suite. The common area of his suite. We sat on the couch and cuddled something crazy. At some point I got a lil' excited so I gave him green light signals. But he didn't accelerate. We hugged, gave each other a few longing stares, but nothing happened.
Fastforward...he ended up getting married shortly after graduation. We lost contact. I didn't really think twice about him.
Then I got a facebook friend request from him. I was like ehhh - cool, no biggie. He did the facebook instant message a time or two. One night we were having a really engaging convo, and I blatently asked, Ummm so are you still married. Noooooo....
So he's single. He hits me up now and then. We're a little flirty.
It has been at least 5 years since I saw him and essentially...we are at best acquaintences...not even associates!
Fast forward to tonight.
We're meeting up in Charlotte this weekend. 24 hours of an escape from reality. It's not on some slutatious fun. We've both had some trying times. We just want to get away from reality and laugh. I'm so excited! It'll be fun fun fun.
CRAZY SPONTANEOUS :-)
So let's go back into SunFresh history.
He was a year younger than I was. He started hanging around "The Boys," which was a group of respectable young men that were in my class at college. He looks like...ionno. He's 5'10/5'11, sexiest lips ever, basketball body, passionate, into hip hop, was determined in school...sexy ass white man. lol. So back in college, there was one night where I agreed to chill with him in his suite. The common area of his suite. We sat on the couch and cuddled something crazy. At some point I got a lil' excited so I gave him green light signals. But he didn't accelerate. We hugged, gave each other a few longing stares, but nothing happened.
Fastforward...he ended up getting married shortly after graduation. We lost contact. I didn't really think twice about him.
Then I got a facebook friend request from him. I was like ehhh - cool, no biggie. He did the facebook instant message a time or two. One night we were having a really engaging convo, and I blatently asked, Ummm so are you still married. Noooooo....
So he's single. He hits me up now and then. We're a little flirty.
It has been at least 5 years since I saw him and essentially...we are at best acquaintences...not even associates!
Fast forward to tonight.
We're meeting up in Charlotte this weekend. 24 hours of an escape from reality. It's not on some slutatious fun. We've both had some trying times. We just want to get away from reality and laugh. I'm so excited! It'll be fun fun fun.
CRAZY SPONTANEOUS :-)
Talk to your daughter
So my father was a great provider. I was never hungry, was always clothed, and always had a roof over my head.
But I can name the one time that he showed an ounce of adoration of me. ONE TIME.
Otherwise, we'd have convos regarding credit ect....
So after talking to my sister for an hour and a half I come to realize that we have similar difficulties in dealing with men.
So it makes me look at my father like......perhaps it's your fault. Thanks for being around, but Sis and I have no clue how to relate to men and have depth. Okay, to be fair, it's not that we don't have a clue, we have both had successful relationships - but we didn't base our example on our pops. We mistake a talk about credit with a talk about love. lol
But I can name the one time that he showed an ounce of adoration of me. ONE TIME.
Otherwise, we'd have convos regarding credit ect....
So after talking to my sister for an hour and a half I come to realize that we have similar difficulties in dealing with men.
So it makes me look at my father like......perhaps it's your fault. Thanks for being around, but Sis and I have no clue how to relate to men and have depth. Okay, to be fair, it's not that we don't have a clue, we have both had successful relationships - but we didn't base our example on our pops. We mistake a talk about credit with a talk about love. lol
Yea or Nay?
Get more than 2 women to interact on a consistent basis (ie a clique) and there is a 90% chance that nastiness will ensue.
always makes me wonder how folks do sororities.
always makes me wonder how folks do sororities.
7.21.2008
CNN - Black In America
I admit, at first I thought this was going to be on some woah is me bullshit. But this series is pretty engaging and good. (In part because a lot of the thoughts/ideas are congruent with mine he he). But anywho, I wanted to remind myself to pass this along to the asshole that I met earlier this year.
Daddy's Promise Pledge. He was telling me about how he has a daughter in NYC. Granted, it is not practical or possible for him to see his daughter every day, given that he lives in ATL. But he says that he's just going to wait until his daughter is older and trust that she's as inquisitive as he is before he tries to build a relationship with her. GTFOHWTBS. I give him credit in that the mother is on some "I'm an independent woman and don't need shit from a man," MESS...but really he created a LIFE and needs to do whatever necessary to be a part of that life.
I haven't heard from him in several weeks; however, he ran into an associate of mine this past weekend. She reported back to me that he asked, "How's your girl, Sunfresh doing?" MOFO, you have my muffukkin #, if you cared in the least bit, you'd call to ask me. Don't play fake in the club for the sake to save your ass from looking like an ass. Yes, I admit to the pettiness in sending him a link to the pledge...perhaps I would've if we were on good terms too. Whatever the case, he needs an outlet to learn how to be a black father, cuz he didn't have one and as it stands now, neither does his daughter.
Lmao - Cornell West is BRILLIANT, but soo exaggerated.
Daddy's Promise Pledge. He was telling me about how he has a daughter in NYC. Granted, it is not practical or possible for him to see his daughter every day, given that he lives in ATL. But he says that he's just going to wait until his daughter is older and trust that she's as inquisitive as he is before he tries to build a relationship with her. GTFOHWTBS. I give him credit in that the mother is on some "I'm an independent woman and don't need shit from a man," MESS...but really he created a LIFE and needs to do whatever necessary to be a part of that life.
I haven't heard from him in several weeks; however, he ran into an associate of mine this past weekend. She reported back to me that he asked, "How's your girl, Sunfresh doing?" MOFO, you have my muffukkin #, if you cared in the least bit, you'd call to ask me. Don't play fake in the club for the sake to save your ass from looking like an ass. Yes, I admit to the pettiness in sending him a link to the pledge...perhaps I would've if we were on good terms too. Whatever the case, he needs an outlet to learn how to be a black father, cuz he didn't have one and as it stands now, neither does his daughter.
Lmao - Cornell West is BRILLIANT, but soo exaggerated.
7.20.2008
Weekend Rewind
Friday I had a date with Mr. PhD. You know, in retrospect, I'm not sure it's fair to call it a date. As I'm around this guy more, I come to realize that he's got a lot of female friends and is more likely to check out something with a woman than to call one of his boys up to hang. Nonetheless, at 8pm on Friday in my mind it was a date and I got all dolled up. He made notice of it; however, I think he'd prefer me to wear jeans and a cute top instead of my hot baby doll dress dress with killer shoes. He offered me some wine, and as usual we made random effortful conversation. Then we headed to the art museum for the friday night Jazz. Right now at the High, History Remixed is the exhibit. Essentially it's photographs from the 1960s civil rights movement. So as ya girl walked around...I started CRYING. The photographs were so moving, I could not hold back the tears. When he noticed, he gave me a smile and uncomfortable friend hug. Lol, but then he decided it was time to leave the exhibit b/c he didn't want me crying anymore. I promised to him that I could handle the rest without another tear...and I did. We drove back to his place, and instead of pressing his luck, he walked me to my car and gave me a yummy hug. A much better hug than previously. But NOTHING. no smooch. :-( I suppose we're truly just friends and I can stop with the effort of being cute.
Saturday: Kickball time. I sat in 85 traffic for a freaking geez hour and a half and missed the game. Luckily for me, the other team forfeited and actually took the loss...so I truly didn't miss the game. Our sister team played at 3, so I stayed around and watched the second game. I saw some of my past associates, with whom I no longer associate. I made it a point to avoid crossing paths in order to avoid uncomfortable fake hellos. Honestly, I did a terrible job of eating this weekend. It was 5 pm and I hadn't eaten so instead of going to the bar, I headed back home and took it easy. (I finally ate).
Sunday: I was supposed to check out two brunches with neighbor/coworker/friend. She texted around 10 to say that she was not going to be able to make it. I didn't really have anything nice ot say in response to that, so I didn't respond immediately. I kind of wallowed in disappointment but around 3 my kickball buddy called. By 4:30 I was over at her pool. I must say that it was fun. There was a group of guys there that engaged us in a game of pool football. I will say I'm most confident when half clothed (I know, this is super lame)...so I was very much in my element. Even my kickball buddy complimented my figure and demanded that I say a confident THANK YOU, instead of a bashful thank you.
Overall, the weekend wasn't a complete bust. I'm doing a better job of not sleeping my life away.
Saturday: Kickball time. I sat in 85 traffic for a freaking geez hour and a half and missed the game. Luckily for me, the other team forfeited and actually took the loss...so I truly didn't miss the game. Our sister team played at 3, so I stayed around and watched the second game. I saw some of my past associates, with whom I no longer associate. I made it a point to avoid crossing paths in order to avoid uncomfortable fake hellos. Honestly, I did a terrible job of eating this weekend. It was 5 pm and I hadn't eaten so instead of going to the bar, I headed back home and took it easy. (I finally ate).
Sunday: I was supposed to check out two brunches with neighbor/coworker/friend. She texted around 10 to say that she was not going to be able to make it. I didn't really have anything nice ot say in response to that, so I didn't respond immediately. I kind of wallowed in disappointment but around 3 my kickball buddy called. By 4:30 I was over at her pool. I must say that it was fun. There was a group of guys there that engaged us in a game of pool football. I will say I'm most confident when half clothed (I know, this is super lame)...so I was very much in my element. Even my kickball buddy complimented my figure and demanded that I say a confident THANK YOU, instead of a bashful thank you.
Overall, the weekend wasn't a complete bust. I'm doing a better job of not sleeping my life away.
7.18.2008
Today's actions dictate future outcomes.
Your present is your future if you don't start changing who you are and how you act NOW.
When was that last time you were touched?
With tenderness with no hidden motives? Apparently, it's been a while. I found this article to be so on point. Here is one line from it:
A refrain I hear frequently from female friends and clients is that once the sexual passion has waned, affectionate touch goes out of the window too. “I can't give him a simple cuddle without him thinking I want sex!” women moan. That's because he learnt not to have “emotional” hugs long ago. So when a woman offers him one, he thinks she's signalling full-on passion.
7.17.2008
Date
Me have a date tomorrow. Ehhh - I should be excited. But I've been out with this guy 3-4 different times. He is so attractive to me. Got a brain (Engineer PhD candidate), got passion (volunteers heavily in the Obama campaign). But our chemistry is like vinegar and water.
I tease him because he's like a middle schooler. When we hug, it's assess out. I'm not saying I want him to cop a cup o' A&T....but an embrace would be nice. And he's still in school, and used to a school schedule...so sometimes he calls or pings me and invites me over after hours. I've had to check him on that...might work for his 'school-mates," but I'm not driving $4.05 25 minutes to see him after 10 pm. In grown folk speak that is a booty call. I've explicitly told him not to invite me over and/or out during booty-call hours.
So finally, he took the hard hint. He invited me on a swanky date (art + music) early in the evening.
I tease him because he's like a middle schooler. When we hug, it's assess out. I'm not saying I want him to cop a cup o' A&T....but an embrace would be nice. And he's still in school, and used to a school schedule...so sometimes he calls or pings me and invites me over after hours. I've had to check him on that...might work for his 'school-mates," but I'm not driving
So finally, he took the hard hint. He invited me on a swanky date (art + music) early in the evening.
How in Tarnation
Is McCain chipping away at Obama's lead?
If you are a self-respecting woman...you would not entrust the this country to McCain. (Please, I welcome you to debate this opinion of mine).
Perhaps if you WOULD entrust this country to him, you'd also allow your daughter to...
Marry a man that left his previous wife after a terrible accident (this is the reason that McCain's relationship with the Reagans was damaged)
Left his wife for a rich WASPY chic who funded his dream of being the most powerful country in the world
Called his rich WASPY wife a trollup and a cunt
Makes jokes about rape
Read Here. Again, I invite a woman to tell me why she'd vote for him. I mean really, I'd rather you just not vote at all (and then move to Canada or Mexico).
If you are a self-respecting woman...you would not entrust the this country to McCain. (Please, I welcome you to debate this opinion of mine).
Perhaps if you WOULD entrust this country to him, you'd also allow your daughter to...
Marry a man that left his previous wife after a terrible accident (this is the reason that McCain's relationship with the Reagans was damaged)
Left his wife for a rich WASPY chic who funded his dream of being the most powerful country in the world
Called his rich WASPY wife a trollup and a cunt
Makes jokes about rape
Read Here. Again, I invite a woman to tell me why she'd vote for him. I mean really, I'd rather you just not vote at all (and then move to Canada or Mexico).
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Catholicism doesn't really work when you're sexually active prior to marriage.
Like, if you are laying down with a person that you don't want to have a child with, but don't believe in birth control/abortion...you are essentially asking for a child out of wedlock, no?
Like, if you are laying down with a person that you don't want to have a child with, but don't believe in birth control/abortion...you are essentially asking for a child out of wedlock, no?
LOA - Actualization #3
I'm taking this laws of attraction thing SO Seriously. I'm not taking actual count of the number of times I've asked for something and it materialized before my eyes, but I've got a handful of examples already.
This past weekend I created a Vision Board. Essentially, I have several affirmations on it and personal statements / pictures of what I excpect from my future. Also this week, CreoleInDC had a topic that is very in line with my focus right now: What's Your Plan Man: Asking where do you see yourself in 5 years. My response is below...
@ Age 32:
Personally: I am married and have started having children. We live an active lifestyle, and travel at least annually. We live in a comfortably nice home and are active in the community. We recycle. We visit family often.
Professionally: I'm in my 3rd position at my current Company, making at least $100,000. I am also serving on one Board of a NFP.
*Thanks for posting, need to put this on my Vision Board*
So on the professional tip - I identified a woman that is very successful and has had a career path that I envision myself having...and I'm not going to speculate how much she makes; however, I'm sure that it's well above my 6 figure goal. As the laws of attractions recommends...when you ask or specify what you want...the next step is to receive and act as if you already have it. On the elevator to get my breakfast (Two boiled eggs and a coffee); I reminded myself of her.
Who the heck do I see in the cafe? HER. My mind began going in overdrive, knowing that I had to put my desire out into the Universe. To let her know my intent. So like the dork that I am I approached her and said, "Hi Hero, I'd like to build a relationship with you. I look at your career path and I'd like to understand how you got to where you are because I'd like to take a similar path."
I'm on her Calendar for lunch in a few weeks! Yea, for me asking, believing and making action to receive!
This stuff really works y'all. Don't sleep on it.
This past weekend I created a Vision Board. Essentially, I have several affirmations on it and personal statements / pictures of what I excpect from my future. Also this week, CreoleInDC had a topic that is very in line with my focus right now: What's Your Plan Man: Asking where do you see yourself in 5 years. My response is below...
@ Age 32:
Personally: I am married and have started having children. We live an active lifestyle, and travel at least annually. We live in a comfortably nice home and are active in the community. We recycle. We visit family often.
Professionally: I'm in my 3rd position at my current Company, making at least $100,000. I am also serving on one Board of a NFP.
*Thanks for posting, need to put this on my Vision Board*
So on the professional tip - I identified a woman that is very successful and has had a career path that I envision myself having...and I'm not going to speculate how much she makes; however, I'm sure that it's well above my 6 figure goal. As the laws of attractions recommends...when you ask or specify what you want...the next step is to receive and act as if you already have it. On the elevator to get my breakfast (Two boiled eggs and a coffee); I reminded myself of her.
Who the heck do I see in the cafe? HER. My mind began going in overdrive, knowing that I had to put my desire out into the Universe. To let her know my intent. So like the dork that I am I approached her and said, "Hi Hero, I'd like to build a relationship with you. I look at your career path and I'd like to understand how you got to where you are because I'd like to take a similar path."
I'm on her Calendar for lunch in a few weeks! Yea, for me asking, believing and making action to receive!
This stuff really works y'all. Don't sleep on it.
7.14.2008
Chew on this...
During the days of slavery a black child was more likely to grow up living with both parents than he or she is today. ~ The Abolition of Marriage, by Maggie Gallagher
7.13.2008
Teachers: Do you buy your own classroom supplies?"
If so, about how much do you spend?
Do you get state issued gift cards? Are you reimbursed otherwise?
Are your students at a disadvantage because you don't spend as much as you'd like to spend?
How do you purchase supplies: Online or at the store?
PLEASE Comment (if you're not a teacher, ask a friend who is a teacher and report back!)
An idea of giving was born in my head...I need data to make it a reality!
Do you get state issued gift cards? Are you reimbursed otherwise?
Are your students at a disadvantage because you don't spend as much as you'd like to spend?
How do you purchase supplies: Online or at the store?
PLEASE Comment (if you're not a teacher, ask a friend who is a teacher and report back!)
An idea of giving was born in my head...I need data to make it a reality!
What are you grateful / thankful for?
A happy post. Let the positive energy get ya!
Grateful for waking up and finishing my book
Grateful for the friendship I've developed with somebody new.
Grateful that I am able to gift my friend a free trip to Miami.
Grateful for winning my kickball yesterday!
Grateful for waking up and finishing my book
Grateful for the friendship I've developed with somebody new.
Grateful that I am able to gift my friend a free trip to Miami.
Grateful for winning my kickball yesterday!
Timing & effort turns f.uck into love.
Last night I spent about $800 on things that I need to in order to live up to my commitment to be a Maid of Honor in my best friends wedding. In the process, I was online with my BFF and we were trying to find flights, and share other ideas. At some point I say what I've been focused on as of late. The desire for a fulfilling relationship that will lead me to follow in her footsteps of marriage.
Immediately she asked what type of guy I want. Lol, she then started sending me profiles of guys that fit the loose description on match.com. Hey, I've got to appreciate her creativity. So then I realized that immediately after I broke up with 2-year man, I had created a match.com profile. At some point when 2-year man and I got back together, I deleted the profile. But when I went to match.com, my old user name was pre-populated in the log-in. I reactivated my account. Mind you, I haven't yet paid for the services. So this is like going inside of your favorite department store and forgetting all of your credit/debit cards. You see what you might want take home; however, you need the money.
But then I got a little curious. Another friend recently signed up on e-harmony. So I went over there. Let me tell you, filling out that profile is something arduous. But you know what - it should be. It takes you through no less than 200 questions that let complex computer logarithms identify who you are and who will receive you well. After going through the questions, it provides you with a "report," and lists matches. Mind you...not having paid for the service, I can't even see pictures.
bear with me, I haven't even gotten to the point, but I'm discovering a few other points as I purge these thoughts .
So my personality profile categorized me as, "Agreeable taking care of others or taking care of yourself." And of course, as I read the description, I was like, yep that's me...those 200 questions and the complex computer logarithm shits me not. Then I went on to read the profile of 5 initial matches.
You realize that the type of people you attract is a reflection of who you are, right? So if you ever question what's wrong with the people that God's put in your life, the first place to look is the mirror. The benefit of putting out who you are on the computer is that the element of physical attraction is removed.
Physical attraction is perhaps one of the strongest initial forms of attraction. However, it's so fluid and easily morphed. Emotional/mental attraction; however, takes time to develop; and as long as you remain constant in what you want and who you are, what you are attracted to and what's attracted to you rarely chagne.
Most people that see me would imagine that I have no problem meeting people. I get cues from society that I'm generally attractive. Not a model by any means, but if I'm out, I'll without a doubt notice that people are appreciating what they see. But that honestly has been one of my biggest impediments to developing the type of relationship that I want. People often perceive me as sexual. Not just men, but I've even heard women say that I exude sexuality. I'll be frank...I've got a nice body. While I don't walk around letting it all hang out, I also don't wear a Bhurka hiding all that I've worked hard for and appreciate about my body. So I put out an era of confidence about my body, which attracts people to my body. For example, put a form fitting t-shirt on an A-cup woman...you might notice her smile. Put a form fitting t-shirt on a C-cup woman you notice her shape (boobs) first...then her smile.
However, if you read the blog...I don't have a preoccupation with appearance. I'm pretty entertained by political discussions and interactions with and observations of people. I'd like to attract a man with these similar interests/curiosities.
There is a lot that I value more than physical appearance; however, given that physical attraction is the strongest form of initial attraction (and men are visual creatures), they have a hard time getting past this and in turn put forth their desires regarding me. Which initially is not to know me, it's to fuck me. Yes I said fuck. Sex takes two general forms, fucking and making love. If you don't care to know me, you have absolutely no interest in making love to me...you'd simply like to fuck me.
So part of my trouble in relationships has been feeling comfortable with this attention, but using it to my advantage...and honestly letting time and genuine effort turn a man's desire to fuck me into a desire to make love to me. I'm not saying I jump in the sack on the first date, but let's be real, there is a long pathway between hello and I love you and who's to say when "the right time," to do that thing is. Clearly, I haven't gotten the right-time-thing quite figured out and what I've been doing thus far hasn't resulted in my desired outcome. Hence, I'm taking a vow of abstinence at least until the end of 2008.
Mind you, I'm not one to believe in abstinence until marriage...don't want an unpleasant surprise on my wedding night (actually it's deeper than that, for me to feel a complete connection with a person, I need to experience the trinity in them...mind body and soul. Leave one out of that equation and I wouldn't commit my life to a person until I got an understanding of all 3). And I think women like Joan on Girlfriends with a set "3-month" fail to realize that whether you do it after the first week or after 3 months...a dude will stay around whether he truly likes you or not to have sex. Matter of fact, he might take pride in himself for conquering your 3 month rule, but still not like you enough to love you.
this post has taken a complete different path of where I intended it to go. So I'll end it here and just post again.
Immediately she asked what type of guy I want. Lol, she then started sending me profiles of guys that fit the loose description on match.com. Hey, I've got to appreciate her creativity. So then I realized that immediately after I broke up with 2-year man, I had created a match.com profile. At some point when 2-year man and I got back together, I deleted the profile. But when I went to match.com, my old user name was pre-populated in the log-in. I reactivated my account. Mind you, I haven't yet paid for the services. So this is like going inside of your favorite department store and forgetting all of your credit/debit cards. You see what you might want take home; however, you need the money.
But then I got a little curious. Another friend recently signed up on e-harmony. So I went over there. Let me tell you, filling out that profile is something arduous. But you know what - it should be. It takes you through no less than 200 questions that let complex computer logarithms identify who you are and who will receive you well. After going through the questions, it provides you with a "report," and lists matches. Mind you...not having paid for the service, I can't even see pictures.
bear with me, I haven't even gotten to the point, but I'm discovering a few other points as I purge these thoughts .
So my personality profile categorized me as, "Agreeable taking care of others or taking care of yourself." And of course, as I read the description, I was like, yep that's me...those 200 questions and the complex computer logarithm shits me not. Then I went on to read the profile of 5 initial matches.
You realize that the type of people you attract is a reflection of who you are, right? So if you ever question what's wrong with the people that God's put in your life, the first place to look is the mirror. The benefit of putting out who you are on the computer is that the element of physical attraction is removed.
Physical attraction is perhaps one of the strongest initial forms of attraction. However, it's so fluid and easily morphed. Emotional/mental attraction; however, takes time to develop; and as long as you remain constant in what you want and who you are, what you are attracted to and what's attracted to you rarely chagne.
Most people that see me would imagine that I have no problem meeting people. I get cues from society that I'm generally attractive. Not a model by any means, but if I'm out, I'll without a doubt notice that people are appreciating what they see. But that honestly has been one of my biggest impediments to developing the type of relationship that I want. People often perceive me as sexual. Not just men, but I've even heard women say that I exude sexuality. I'll be frank...I've got a nice body. While I don't walk around letting it all hang out, I also don't wear a Bhurka hiding all that I've worked hard for and appreciate about my body. So I put out an era of confidence about my body, which attracts people to my body. For example, put a form fitting t-shirt on an A-cup woman...you might notice her smile. Put a form fitting t-shirt on a C-cup woman you notice her shape (boobs) first...then her smile.
However, if you read the blog...I don't have a preoccupation with appearance. I'm pretty entertained by political discussions and interactions with and observations of people. I'd like to attract a man with these similar interests/curiosities.
There is a lot that I value more than physical appearance; however, given that physical attraction is the strongest form of initial attraction (and men are visual creatures), they have a hard time getting past this and in turn put forth their desires regarding me. Which initially is not to know me, it's to fuck me. Yes I said fuck. Sex takes two general forms, fucking and making love. If you don't care to know me, you have absolutely no interest in making love to me...you'd simply like to fuck me.
So part of my trouble in relationships has been feeling comfortable with this attention, but using it to my advantage...and honestly letting time and genuine effort turn a man's desire to fuck me into a desire to make love to me. I'm not saying I jump in the sack on the first date, but let's be real, there is a long pathway between hello and I love you and who's to say when "the right time," to do that thing is. Clearly, I haven't gotten the right-time-thing quite figured out and what I've been doing thus far hasn't resulted in my desired outcome. Hence, I'm taking a vow of abstinence at least until the end of 2008.
Mind you, I'm not one to believe in abstinence until marriage...don't want an unpleasant surprise on my wedding night (actually it's deeper than that, for me to feel a complete connection with a person, I need to experience the trinity in them...mind body and soul. Leave one out of that equation and I wouldn't commit my life to a person until I got an understanding of all 3). And I think women like Joan on Girlfriends with a set "3-month" fail to realize that whether you do it after the first week or after 3 months...a dude will stay around whether he truly likes you or not to have sex. Matter of fact, he might take pride in himself for conquering your 3 month rule, but still not like you enough to love you.
this post has taken a complete different path of where I intended it to go. So I'll end it here and just post again.
7.12.2008
Confession #3
The confession is this: I secretly hope that one of these guys on either my kickball team or another kickball team at the park is open to having some coffee in his sugar.
What's your Sign?
I always thought of that as a terribly cliche pick-up line from the 70s. But really, what's your sign?
I'm more and more interested in learning about signs. Often times it describes a person's personality very accurately and allows you to have a greater understanding of who they are or strive to be. Check out Astrology-Online. Did your sign's description describe you accurately? Or perhaps your S/O, your friends?
Recently one of my "friends" said something very insensitive. In reading up on her sign I saw so many truths in how it described her. She's gossipy and often times I get bored with her conversation because it is limited to male/female relationships. To give a tangible example, when Tim Russert passed away she asked me, "Who is that?" Our conversation rarely strays from him/her/them and when it does stray, I initiate the conversation and she has no input.
I figure reading up a bit more on signs may allow me to better understand others!
I'm more and more interested in learning about signs. Often times it describes a person's personality very accurately and allows you to have a greater understanding of who they are or strive to be. Check out Astrology-Online. Did your sign's description describe you accurately? Or perhaps your S/O, your friends?
Recently one of my "friends" said something very insensitive. In reading up on her sign I saw so many truths in how it described her. She's gossipy and often times I get bored with her conversation because it is limited to male/female relationships. To give a tangible example, when Tim Russert passed away she asked me, "Who is that?" Our conversation rarely strays from him/her/them and when it does stray, I initiate the conversation and she has no input.
I figure reading up a bit more on signs may allow me to better understand others!
Insomniac thoughts
I can't sleep. Everytime I close my eyes my thoughts start to race to negativity. So as an alternative I've been net surfing.
The latest thought that has plagued me is current status of the relationship I have with my mother. She was much more pronounced in reaching out to me when she thought I was going to get married to old-dude. I feel as if she is disappointed in me because I'm not in a serious relationship. She's made those bullshit comments regarding wanting to be a grandmother. So maybe her way of dealing with her disappointment in my situation is by not talking to me as much as we used to.
Isn't that some bullshit.
The latest thought that has plagued me is current status of the relationship I have with my mother. She was much more pronounced in reaching out to me when she thought I was going to get married to old-dude. I feel as if she is disappointed in me because I'm not in a serious relationship. She's made those bullshit comments regarding wanting to be a grandmother. So maybe her way of dealing with her disappointment in my situation is by not talking to me as much as we used to.
Isn't that some bullshit.
7.11.2008
Yea or Nay?
A Lady knows to let a man lead...even when she knows that she could lead. Sometimes part of being a lady is letting your man lead and/or letting him think that he is leading.
Erica Badu is pregnant AGAIN, by another man.
*Rolls eyes* Sure I could mind my business and not have an opinion. But I do. My opinion is far bigger than "Erica". More power to her. Our lives don't intersect, so whatever judgment I have of her situation is pretty irrelevant. And I'll preface, my thoughts might piss you off and make you think that I'm close-minded or something else negative. We all bear that risk when we have an opinion...but I'm open to different perspectives.
One opinion that will never budge in my mind:
1) Raising a child in a two parent home is the optimal situation
Before folks get nilly willy with caveats. This is assuming that there is not an abusive situation present.
In life you have responsibilities. When single, you bear the burden (and reward to be fair) of all of those responsibilities. When married, you share those responsibilities. Add a child to that equation, and I cannot imagine that raising a child is easier alone than it would be with another person.
Furthermore, let's be real...most people don't choose to be single parents. They may choose not to wear protection and *hope* for the best. But when is the last time you heard a single woman announce that she is trying to get pregnant (the same way that married couples announce it). Single woman might say wants to have a baby ect, but rarely will one declare: I'm trying to get pregnant. (Also, my opinion doesn't address divorce situations).
So I had a dialogue about this on a message board. E.rica B.adu frequents the message board, as the purpose is primarily to discuss music etc. (But really, most of it is random people exchanging whateverthehell is on their minds). Apparently some posters commented on her being knocked up again by a different men. Yes, that's right, 3 different babies by 3 different men. She responds to their comments with a long dialogue talking about how she can support her kids, folks need to mind their business ect. Unfortunately, celebrities are in the spotlight. Folks would've been just as critical of an every-day woman who got knocked up by 3 different men.
So anyway despite my saying some knee-jerk-spark-a-fire type stuff, a lot of women on the message board were promoting the single-parent situation in defense of her. I'm not here to spark a pro-life/pro-choice debate, that is a deeply personal decision that I am nothing but lucky to have not to had to go through. It's more so on the front end prevention, and is something that I sometimes fail at. You are a single woman not taking every preventative measure to not get pregnant...and you are laying up with a man that doesn't value you enough to commit his life to you and help you to raise a family. THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
But, heck...maybe it's really not a problem and I'm being too harsh/close minded. And if I'm being to harsh/close-minded, try that advice out with your daughter. "Honey, it's okay to not use protection and lay-up with a man that doesn't value you enough to commit to you and/or support you."
sidebar, i always find it disturbing when a couple who is not going through fertility treatment announces that they are trying to get pregnant. Essentially they are telling you that they are having a lot of sex, particularly during a certain time of the month. That ain't my business...just tell me when you're pregnant!
Now Erica, probably has money and a lifestyle that probably allows her great flexibility in raising 3 children on her own. But for those of us 'regular' folk that have a daily job and either lose $/opportunity when we're not working (in the case of entrepreneurs) or must report to powers that be...you can't convince me that being a single parent is easier than sharing the responsibility with another person. You might be a GREAT parent, and will raise very successful children and be otherwise happy. But unless you've got an awesome support system (which would be ESSENTIAL)...I'm not convinced that it's easier. (again, argument isn't that it's wrong and can't be done...I'm just not convinced that single-parenthood is easier).
Also, while you love your children...if you remain single, how do your kids learn (and not just learn, but live and experience) what a respectful male/female relationship is like? (again, comparatively, this the 2-parent home situation assumes a non-abusive respectful relationship where love is demonstrated). I'm not saying it can't be done, but perhaps it'd be easier in a 2-parent home cuz we learn best by example.
Hmm, I just heard an interesting perspective that I never thought of: Perhaps the traditional model of a male/female two parent home is flawed. As a result in the laws of evolution, we are moving against the flawed paradigm to the more "perfect," paradigm.
Well if the "perfect paradigm" is that men plant their seed among several different women and women are to raise children alone....ehhh, that's a VERY scary unsettling concept.
I might be reaching here, so realize that I'm just on a free flow of thought based on what I observe, not based on empirical or even anecdotal evidence and not based on caveat examples of a rich super-star having 3 babies by 3 different men. Free flow thought also assumes that in the single parent situation more often than not it's the woman that bears the responsibility of the children...
Another aspect of this 70% of black children are being born into single parent homes is this perpetuation of the deterioration of family. Oh, perhaps the family is not deteriorating, it's simply that black people are far ahead of the curve and have begun this shift from the flawed family paradigm to the new 'perfect' family paradigm where a woman takes care of children while the man plants his seed all over the world. A person added that the deterioration of the family is a result of the lack of regard and respect for the black woman.
Well if you're a black man that was raised in a single parent home...
you may not have REALLY learned how to love/respect women. You may have feared your mother and saw her as an authority figure; however, you probably didn't see a man nurture and love her. So as an adult, you perceive *us* as authority figures, say that we suffer from ABW syndrom...yet still expect us to take care of you. You end up having a child, but are not married because it wasn't a part of your perception of family growing up. Cycle continues.
If you're a black woman that was raised in a single parent home...
you may have learned that a woman must do it all by herself and can do it pretty well, so really, a man is not necessary. You may want a man, but you KNOW he's know necessary. So as an adult, you're not really impressed by your counterpart...the black man that was raised in a single parent home. You end up having a child, but are not married because it wasn't a part of your perception of family growing up. Cycle continues.
I know I could be far off base with some of my opinions and recognize that I have a close-minded view. But because of my value system, which is based on how I grew up and what I was surrounded with / exposed to...I probably won't have 3 babies by 3 different men. *knocks on wood*
One opinion that will never budge in my mind:
1) Raising a child in a two parent home is the optimal situation
Before folks get nilly willy with caveats. This is assuming that there is not an abusive situation present.
In life you have responsibilities. When single, you bear the burden (and reward to be fair) of all of those responsibilities. When married, you share those responsibilities. Add a child to that equation, and I cannot imagine that raising a child is easier alone than it would be with another person.
Furthermore, let's be real...most people don't choose to be single parents. They may choose not to wear protection and *hope* for the best. But when is the last time you heard a single woman announce that she is trying to get pregnant (the same way that married couples announce it). Single woman might say wants to have a baby ect, but rarely will one declare: I'm trying to get pregnant. (Also, my opinion doesn't address divorce situations).
So I had a dialogue about this on a message board. E.rica B.adu frequents the message board, as the purpose is primarily to discuss music etc. (But really, most of it is random people exchanging whateverthehell is on their minds). Apparently some posters commented on her being knocked up again by a different men. Yes, that's right, 3 different babies by 3 different men. She responds to their comments with a long dialogue talking about how she can support her kids, folks need to mind their business ect. Unfortunately, celebrities are in the spotlight. Folks would've been just as critical of an every-day woman who got knocked up by 3 different men.
So anyway despite my saying some knee-jerk-spark-a-fire type stuff, a lot of women on the message board were promoting the single-parent situation in defense of her. I'm not here to spark a pro-life/pro-choice debate, that is a deeply personal decision that I am nothing but lucky to have not to had to go through. It's more so on the front end prevention, and is something that I sometimes fail at. You are a single woman not taking every preventative measure to not get pregnant...and you are laying up with a man that doesn't value you enough to commit his life to you and help you to raise a family. THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
But, heck...maybe it's really not a problem and I'm being too harsh/close minded. And if I'm being to harsh/close-minded, try that advice out with your daughter. "Honey, it's okay to not use protection and lay-up with a man that doesn't value you enough to commit to you and/or support you."
sidebar, i always find it disturbing when a couple who is not going through fertility treatment announces that they are trying to get pregnant. Essentially they are telling you that they are having a lot of sex, particularly during a certain time of the month. That ain't my business...just tell me when you're pregnant!
Now Erica, probably has money and a lifestyle that probably allows her great flexibility in raising 3 children on her own. But for those of us 'regular' folk that have a daily job and either lose $/opportunity when we're not working (in the case of entrepreneurs) or must report to powers that be...you can't convince me that being a single parent is easier than sharing the responsibility with another person. You might be a GREAT parent, and will raise very successful children and be otherwise happy. But unless you've got an awesome support system (which would be ESSENTIAL)...I'm not convinced that it's easier. (again, argument isn't that it's wrong and can't be done...I'm just not convinced that single-parenthood is easier).
Also, while you love your children...if you remain single, how do your kids learn (and not just learn, but live and experience) what a respectful male/female relationship is like? (again, comparatively, this the 2-parent home situation assumes a non-abusive respectful relationship where love is demonstrated). I'm not saying it can't be done, but perhaps it'd be easier in a 2-parent home cuz we learn best by example.
Hmm, I just heard an interesting perspective that I never thought of: Perhaps the traditional model of a male/female two parent home is flawed. As a result in the laws of evolution, we are moving against the flawed paradigm to the more "perfect," paradigm.
Well if the "perfect paradigm" is that men plant their seed among several different women and women are to raise children alone....ehhh, that's a VERY scary unsettling concept.
I might be reaching here, so realize that I'm just on a free flow of thought based on what I observe, not based on empirical or even anecdotal evidence and not based on caveat examples of a rich super-star having 3 babies by 3 different men. Free flow thought also assumes that in the single parent situation more often than not it's the woman that bears the responsibility of the children...
Another aspect of this 70% of black children are being born into single parent homes is this perpetuation of the deterioration of family. Oh, perhaps the family is not deteriorating, it's simply that black people are far ahead of the curve and have begun this shift from the flawed family paradigm to the new 'perfect' family paradigm where a woman takes care of children while the man plants his seed all over the world. A person added that the deterioration of the family is a result of the lack of regard and respect for the black woman.
Well if you're a black man that was raised in a single parent home...
you may not have REALLY learned how to love/respect women. You may have feared your mother and saw her as an authority figure; however, you probably didn't see a man nurture and love her. So as an adult, you perceive *us* as authority figures, say that we suffer from ABW syndrom...yet still expect us to take care of you. You end up having a child, but are not married because it wasn't a part of your perception of family growing up. Cycle continues.
If you're a black woman that was raised in a single parent home...
you may have learned that a woman must do it all by herself and can do it pretty well, so really, a man is not necessary. You may want a man, but you KNOW he's know necessary. So as an adult, you're not really impressed by your counterpart...the black man that was raised in a single parent home. You end up having a child, but are not married because it wasn't a part of your perception of family growing up. Cycle continues.
I know I could be far off base with some of my opinions and recognize that I have a close-minded view. But because of my value system, which is based on how I grew up and what I was surrounded with / exposed to...I probably won't have 3 babies by 3 different men. *knocks on wood*
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