DAG ON, I TRIED TO BE STRONG

BUT MICHELLE JERKED A TEAR OUT OF MY EYE.

THAT SPEECH WAS ONE OF THE BEST SPEECHES PERIOD.

AND YES I'M YELLING THIS. LOL.

AWWWEEE AND HER SONG, "ISN'T SHE LOVELY."

YES. SHE IS.

YES. WE CAN.

She continues to inspire me.

My mother. So she calls me during the political olympics DNC and says,

"SunFresh, you know I thought that nothing would ever top the experience I had being on a fighter-jet. But I think going to the DNC might actually top it. I'm going to go before I die!"

She's absolutely beautiful. She's resilient. She's smart, She's Ivy League decorated. She's loving. She raised 3 college educated children that say, "I love you," to each other every time we talk. She's freaking AMAZING.

I want to be like her when I grow up.

Where do you get confidence from?

I thought that was a good question.

I'm having some what of a down/cynical day, so my perspective is rather bum.

Validation from other people. you can believe in yourself all you want but if nobody ever validates your accomplishments / achievements are you really great? Ehh, I guess you can continue to think so. If nobody fed your ego...do you have cause to have one? Wouldn't it starve?

I think of the which comes first chicken or egg argument. One could argue that confidence breeds greatness which is acknowledged and recognized by others.

Like if JayZ never received any praise, fame or Beyonce...would he still be claiming that he's best? Or is the fact that he has #1s, got "the hottest chick in the game wearing my chain," give him reason to make claims that he's the best...and truly believe it.

Lol, thinking of Kanye. Perhaps he has real confidence. He doesn't win an award and he is the hurt dog that bites/barks.

I wonder what I might say tomorrow. What say you today.

More music from the early 90s...what y'all know about:

Doing dances with your friends in the living room after school?



This was one of my favorites back in the late 80s early 90s. Can anybody else feel me on that one?

What do Jodeci, Minute 1:45 of this video and Crack have in common?

Apparently a LOT.

CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER. 3:09 AM.

How many of you were irritated that you didn't get your Obama text until circa 3 am? *looks at phone, sees that text arrived at 3:09 am, raises hand* Post the exact time that you received the text.

If irritated, you may have failed to see the absolute humor in it. I think a lot of people missed it. But Ariana Huffington GOT IT.

But she got it. Read. CLEVER



Watch CNN go bonkers:

Opening from the inside out (Grown Folk Talk)

Sex, and especially the female orgasm is something that doesn't get due attention...especially amongst black women. We are encouraged to suppress our sexuality in order to counteract the stigma associated with black women in regards to sexuality. So in this silence, you often wonder if you're alone...like, "I must be weird to have these certain desires...I'm not married, so I shouldn't talk freely about sex for fear of being considered a whore...Only dirty women do this that or the other."

Ladies and gentlemen, I encourage you to watch the following video. It's rather long and the very first minute is err-uhhh not work safe...but if you've got a second...I think it's a good watch. I'm not sure that I learned from it; however, I connected to other womens' experiences, thoughts and desires and discovered that I'm 'not the only one' in some of my desires, apprehensions ect regarding my sexuality.

From another person that watched it, "That initial picture of that bag of bones that shows before you push play REALLY had me reconsidering watching this...shit seemed like it would be 30 minutes of some 70 year old dusty twat Appalachian grandma talking about cumming...something i could definitely go through life never watching...

The actual first minute of footage though, saved it"

Sociology Study

If I were in college, I might do a paper on the sociology around being in a mostly white bar/lounge/club vs. a mostly black bar/lounge/club.

Please provide certain perspectives you'd be interested in seeing.

Things I found interesting:

Beer pong and other random drunk games. Why?
Flip flops with otherwise cute outfits. Why?
Limited dancing + great music. Why?
Lack of holleration between the men and women. Why?

Ode to the Zealous Alam Mater Alumni at the Olympics

who stands in NBC's today show crowd day after day with a big flag representing our school.

Rep our school!
It brings me so much joy.
You must be really cool.
How ever I wonder if you're a girl or boy
I cheered when I first saw the flag in the crowd
You're undying pride always helps
For me to be more proud
Than I am of Phelps.

*and we see why I'm not a rapper or poet*

I'm kinda clairvoyant

Obama + Biden = Unstoppable!!!!!

In one of my 2008 predictions I called this shot.

I'm SO IN LOVE with this Union. These were my two top choices back in Q4 07. Biden's amazing stance on education and domestic violence...strength and rigidity in foreign policy coupled Obama's vision and hope for the future. I feel so inspired. I will believe in my leaders again.

*BTW, I just clicked to donate again. I encourage you to do the same*

24 Hours....of Me.

WAIVES HELLO!!! What's cracking? I don't know what has possessed me to post a picture. Compromising my anonymity taught me one painful lesson earlier this year. However, I did learn from that experience. Basically, I got called the eff out for my raw, real thoughts. The old blog was my personal vent. I wrongly naively assumed that out of the millions of people that are on the internet, nobody that I personally knew would land on my lil' url spot. Well now, most people know that I have a lil url spot and may visit me. However, to the others that read and realize that the know me...deal with it. I blogged before you, I'll blog after you.

And if you happen upon and know me....feel free to say hello. That way we can all avoid unnecessary drama, right? lol, altho' I'd assume that the entire gang would stop by to be nosy.

Because most people ask...yes they are real. Victoria really does keep a great secret. However, I don't. But on fakeness in the picture...my smile, it's for the camera, not from the heart. Oh wells...you get the main idea.

Borrowing

Would you and/or do you borrow money from friends?

or

Do you / would you only borrow money from people that you were in a relationship with?

I just heard an interesting perspective. One said they'd only borrow money from folks that they were in a relationship because the level of intimacy is deeper. Then they were like...think about it, relationships are built upon sex and money. Friendships are not.

I'm chewing on that like it's grape flavored bubble gum.

Throwback #2: Grown Folk Talk Session #1

My guilty pleasure show is Real Housewives of Orange County. Quinn is the classic, "oh but I'm catholic and play by the rules, but God'll forgive my outrageous sexual appetite" type woman. She says, "I need to get marriage so that I can let my sensual side out I'm a FREAK. "

On the episode her boyfriend and her went out to vegas. They had a serious conversation that didn't quite enhance the mood. As a result, her boyfriend (Bobby) went down to the floor to play. We see her in her room putting on fake lashes, a wig and an knock-out outfit. She "transforms" into her alter-ego, Roxy. Roxy goes down to the casino floor, finds Bobby and in an ultra-confident, almost cocky mode flirts shamelessly with Bobby. We're grown...we know how things ended up!

Have you ever dressed up and got in character to PUT IT ON your SO?

I've never done full-out role playing. But I do have some good tricks up my sleeve. Like the time I snuck into his garage, waited for him to get back on his flight to ATL. He was surprised that I was waiting in the garage. But then BAM, I kicked it up a notch by stepping out the car wearing only the pink trench coat. We're grown...we know how things ended up!

Throwback #1: Does the Flash Not Work?

I had deleted my previous blog for reasons that I won't mention. However, my blog chronicles who I am and what I've gone through. I recently found that I copied quite a bit from the previous blog prior to deleting it...thank God. So today, I'm going to post a few throwbacks...

I'm driving 35-40 mph on Paces Ferry. There is an old red pick-up car slighty behind me to the right and a boxy blue buick/oldsmobile to my left, parked at the red light approximately 200 feet away from me. Naturally, I begin to break for the redlight...only my car continues at the 35-40 mph pace. I have completely lost control of the car. My eyes dart around, quickly scoping out the scene, my mind reacting likewise, "What is going on with my car? Why isn't it breaking? Am I in a bad dream right now?" Realizing that I'm not about to wake up or be put to permenant rest, I swerve slightly to the right to avoid the boxy blue buick/olsmobile. I say, slightly...that was my intended move. "Okay, this is reality, I have to take control of the situation, I can do this. You have to regain control." My parent's joint soul reitterates what they've told me before, "Don't fight the direction your car is naturally traveling in. " My car vehemently circles to the right in a spinning motion. I do as told, and turn my wheel toward the right. I'm sliding faster than Disney on Ice.

Now that the car to my left is out of my range, I quickly see the side of the bridge and the red pick-up approaching me. Now completely out of control, "Is this it, I mean really, is this the end? I can't believe it. My life isn't flashing before my eyes, I wonder how my family is going to be notified" And I resigned, no fear, no fighting it, no flashes. Although I am completly out of control of the car; I felt completely in control of the situation. The situation is that I lived my life the best way that I knew how to. I loved and was loved. I accomplished and exceeded my goals. Everything was okay.

All these thoughts flooded my head in the short moments before my car came to a stop two lanes displaced and facing the edge of the bridge. The red pick-up slowly passed me...I couldn't see the person inside, but I could sense their soul...looking over me to ensure that I was okay.

And after feeling over-calmed and resigned by the end...I panicked the second that I realized that I was fine. Life would continue. I would continue to love, be loved, find complete bliss, have heartbreaks, exceed goals, miss deadlines, stress, rejoice. My heart pounded, my thoughts - moments ago were serenely calm, but were now a jumbled mess.

Life IS that stimulating and thrilling. Even if there are no flashes.

Who Beholds

I was having a brief internet convo earlier about how I don't carry the sense of entitlement that some pretty/attractive people do b/c I didn't grow up being told that I was attractive. Like you know...attractive people just get free shit sometimes, so due to conditioning they start to think they are entitled to privilege.

As a child, growing up around all whites, I didn't fit their standard of beauty and was rarely recognized as pretty/attractive. Even when I was around blacks, they made me feel too light or too unblack to be pretty/attractive.

Well - ya girl grew up. However, the scars are still there.

Upon re-reading the message that birthed the "teenage OMG squeal," post...I had to pause. I had validation that I was pretty... from somebody that I put on a pedastal during the time when I felt ugliest in my life. His validation meant more than any compliment on my physical appearance that I've received in a long time. That 10 year old girl with no self esteem finally got the compliment that she wanted back in the early 90s. For a moment, I bought into the notion that, perhaps I am more attractive than I give myself credit only because he said so. I should've felt that without his vindication.

Gots to thinking - beauty is in the eye of the beholder...BUT ARE YOU THE BEHOLDER, OR ARE OTHERS.

for me...I think others, at least for a long time. Even now, I believe it mostly b/c of reinforcement from others, not from within. Hopefully I'll be the beholder without reinforcement one day.

Guessing Games

There is a uber-fine manager in my department. He's tall, dark (Brazilian) and handsome. All the ladies go apeshit for him. He's 35, single, never been married. Dresses very nicely. Is well groomed.

There's been speculation about his sexual preference. I've been on the fence, he's doesn't talk about his personal life. All the ladies tease him about being a chic magnet. He doesn't confirm nor deny. Which is pecular, primarily because there are 3 or 4 other gay people in my department. They are pretty open, I mean they don't wear rainbows and scream Yea! I'm gay. But when they talk about their life, they don't hide the fact that their significant other is of the same sex. As they shouldn't, not like married folk do.

So anyway, I'm waiting for my plane at Hartsfield-Jackson. Who do I see? Manager. With another male friend that looked just as clean as he did. Their interaction was more akin to mine with exes than friends...if ya know what I mean.

And this brings me to a convo I had with another manager in the dept. She's been in ATL for 13 years and explained how jaded she was and felt like every other dude was DL. She was like, if a dude would push a date back to work out...he might be gay. If he takes longer to get ready than me....he might be gay. If he doesn't know sports statistics backward and forward....he might be gay. If he knows how to tuck his shirt in...he might be gay.

Ummm, I don't think I'm naive. I've called the shot wrong once, and I did some research before I pursued. However, I'm not in constant fear that every man I date is having man-butt-sex on the side.

Are there some things to be awware of? Clues that you keep your eye open to?

A lesson in vocabulary: Phelps.

Some would call it a proper noun, given that it is somebody's last name. However, I propose that Webster define it as a verb.

Phelps (phelped) (v.): To excel, to surpass expectations, to break records.

I phelped that presentation last week and as a result my boss has taken the initiative to demote herself into my former role and promote me into the boss role.

For our aniversary he completely phelped me. He ordered 12 dozen roses, cooked my favorite meal, flew me to Paris and back, ect...

Girl, I phelped him last night. I layed it down so good he slept in the fetal position.

2008 Predictions

I would like to predict that Obama's running mate will be Joe Biden.

I favored Joe Biden during one of the first democratic debates. During the initial debate, I trusted Biden's experience and his opinions. I think he's an excellent offset to Obama.

I'd also like to predict that Miracle Man might spend one of the holidays with me and my family.

Crazy

Before I recap Miami, I must break to talk about the text that I received from the ex on Friday night at 2 am. Unprovoked I receive the following:

I hate you. We could have been married. By the way I'm moving to Atlanta next week.

Me: WTF, WTF and WTF. I don't know why I engage in an argument via text, but at the time it seemed worth it.

I've concluded that I'm scared of him. He's irrational and not seeing reality.

In other news, Miracle Man is slowly but surely growing on me.

So I realized my voice just got an octave higher

when he called.

I've approached this dating thing somewhat haphazardly. My mind says, "SunFresh...get out there to meet somebody so that you can start the process of having a relationship so that you can get married within the next 3-5 years." But my heart has been on some, "Woman, give me a rest...I've been beaten this year." So that manifests itself in me hanging out with people, enjoying their company, but not feeling a guy pluck at my heart strings. And not really allowing myself to be open to that.

Well dag on it...the body never lies. When I talk to him, I've got a dumb ass smile on my face, my thoughts get jumbled, voice gets an octave higher. Two weeks ago, I was kind of like...ehhhh take it or leave. He's cute, but I'm not sure.

Well today, I found myself really looking forward to interaction with him. He offered to take me to the airport for my flight tomorrow. To me, this is about the nicest, most comforting gesture. I typically drive myself to the airport and hate breaking down in vulnerability to ask anybody...especially at inconvenient times. Plus, he lives on the West Side of town, I live on the east AND I've got to be at the airport at 8:00, so he's going to forfeit sleep for me.

Last night, our 4th date, was the first time that I kind of let my hair down. I wore the jeans, wore the hair curly, danced around and sang my heart out to 80s rock, 90s rap and 00s hip-hop. All I know is that I was having fun.

Before I left the house, I internally decided that I was open to a kiss; not a tongue soap opera kiss, but a quick and sweet union of the lips. So as the night came to a close, I was nervous. We embraced...a good tight one, the one where you're slightly on your toes, face nuzzled in his neck and arms holding on as if you're about to fall...like fall. Quick & sweet.

I haven't fallen, but I've definitely tripped.

Blog Flavor of the Week

Tango Mag. If you have not yet checked it out, do so! It's a webazine that has vast perspectives on being a woman in and out of love. The site is organized so that you can browse topics no matter what stage in or out of love you are. Single, Taken, Married, Starting Over (Divorced/Broken-Up)Some topics that sparked in my interest include:

Marrying Mr Wrong I’m sitting on our deck in the Hamptons an hour after everyone has left, realizing that my marriage needs to end. There have been too many red flags and it’s been too hard for too long. I’m drained. I’m sad. I’m lonely. My husband is just on the other side of the screen door, sleeping on the sofa we bought together at Ikea right after we bought the house. On his chest, our eleven-month-old daughter drools in her half-sleep.

The New Housewife According to CNN, a new breed of housewife is emerging: one who’s jobless, childless and home by choice.

Why am I still Single? She says the number of women who are romantically uninvolved is a result of one major factor: our culture tells us we don’t need relationships.

Black and Female Destined to be Single As a successful black woman in corporate America I had a very hard time finding black men who understood and weren’t intimidated by my busy lifestyle, weren’t already dating or married to white women and who weren’t gay

Single By Choice Though the “freemale” sounds like a creature found in a jar at Ripley’s Believe or Not!, she’s actually a single-by-choice woman who has chosen her freedom over a family.

I'm purposely leaving out the article entitled Anal S.ex for Beginners. What what in the butt? NO SIR.

Any comments, questions or concerns related to the italicized teasers? Are you a freemale? Are you a successful (defined in terms of a professional career) black woman experiencing the waohs of dating? Are you married and miserable? ...it seems like on the tango there is something for everyone.

Up the ante

So last night I had a date with Miracle Man. This was the 4th one, and so far so good. Earlier this week, I sent a text saying: You? Me? Bowling? I was getting bored with the dinner dates because really, that's how you inadvertantly gain weight (eating out...and eating for free). Drop some unique non-dinner date ideas.

Additionally, he asked if I ever wear jeans. Umm, of course. But our first 2 dates were after work and our one weekend date, I wore white capris. Plus, I think some of the best dates involve a bit of competition.

To up the ante a bit...
SunFresh: We'll have to come up with a bet. Loser has to????
Miracle Man: Ohhhh. Interesting. Any ideas? My mind is all over the place on that one.
SunFresh: Lol, PG13 and below. How about you think on it and we'll both write it down. At the end of the game, the winner presents the loser with the task. There is room for debate.

So due to piss poor AT&T service, I get his text requesting to push the date time back by 45 minutes. I get to the alley at 8 pm. There is another blog in itself waiting to happen based on an attractive female sitting at a bar alone. Let's just say that my two drinks were free and I got Miracle Man a free drink as well.

Without gorry details, first game he won by 1 point, second game I won by 1 point. Neither time did we break 100...so we're pretty equally yoked. But there was a considerable amount of trash talking & flirting. I'm warming up to him.

The last game, I looked at my left hand and said, "Left-hand, it is your day today. You are my dominant hand; however, right handed people taught me sports/activities; therefore I'm trained to do most things with the right hand. But you know what, left-hand? Tonight is your night. I'll let you bowl."

Ya girl bowled 2 strikes and a spare on the first three rounds. Needless to say, my secret weapon, my left-hand, came through and delivered a V for me. I won bowling and the bet....

He's cooking me dinner!

It's a Celebration, Bitches!

I just learned that it's a Holiday that I and a special select group of people can partake in.

Left Handers Day!

Happy Left Handers Day all my fellow lefties.

(I'm not making this up, and my right hand is slightly jealous right now).

The List

1. Get a Wii, Wii Fit and Rockband Hero
2. Take gymnastics: learn how to do a back handspring again
3. Take yoga/pilates
4. Run the peachtree road race
5. Be more active in AULYP
6. Volunteer more often
7. Hike a mountain
8. Go white water rafting once a summer
9. Drink more water
10. Develop a spiritual habit (meditation)
11. Have a friend teach me golf and/or tenis
12. Go to a Nascar event
13. Drive a sports car around a Nascar race track.

Can I join my local JCC?

They have gymnastic classes and I want to do that again.

I'm not trying to convert. I just want to have fun.

I could not find a Wii and ....

Phelps is giving away gold medals for Christmas. To his mailman.

and I wish I wer young and agile enough to take gymnastics again.

BOB

Ladies, get your mind out the gutter. Not rabbit, or bullet (although I do have a pressing question re: naughty bobs. perhaps I'll close this out with that).

Black Owned Business. More specifically, contractors or other BOBS that provide a service rather than a product. This morning while listening to the radio, the DJ said that she was DONE with BOB. Within the past month, she had needed about 5 projects done to keep her house from crumbling. She wanted to show support for black folks; but is now exasperated with the lack of quality service. Not showing up on time, attitude, exuberant prices ect had been her experience.

I haven't had to NEED major services. However, just this past weekend I was on the more affluent black side of town (SWATS if you will) and stopped at a Publix grocery store. I don't think I saw one non-black person, working the store or shopping in the store. It had to have been 9:15 pm. All I wanted was an adult beverage to bring to a gathering. Why did I wait in line for no shorter than 10 minutes? It's Saturday night for goodness sake. The line was backed up from checkout to people having to obstruct the walkway and trickle into the nearest isle. On a Saturday evening? You got two people working the register? Huh, there is no 10 items or less line? I've got to wait while Miss Jones n' dem unload their week's worth of groceries? That's called piss poor management.

I've never had this happen on the "other" side of town. Perhaps I need to write a letter, I think that's how mountains are moved. Perhaps it was a "one off" occurrence, but I'm not going to be so naive.

Do you patronize BOBs? How has your experience, generallly speaking, been?

*I'll save the naughty BOB question for another day*

I'm tired but I can't go to bed: Men's Gymnastics & Swimming

OMG - the men's team KILT it. KILT. One arm swinging. Nailing EVERY landing. Their performances gave me CHILLS.

Phelps. Manimal.

Pommel Horse. 217 did something like this:

I DARE you to not laugh.

I love my moms...the past few texts as we watch the Olympics

Sunday
Moms: You should've been an Olympic gymnast
Moms: The cute China doll on the unparrallel bars. I can't believe she didn't hurt herself. And I would've been boo-hooing from pain and embarrassment!
Moms: Some of the American gymnasts need to work on their zits. Yeah - I said it!
Moms (re- Bush): What is wrong with that man?
Moms: How about that John Edwards? I bet he's a freak in bed.

Monday
Moms: For John Edwards, it was time for a change...LOL!
Me: It'd be more entertaining if they did synchronized diving naked.
Moms: ROFLMAO. Your brother doesn't find that funny. Lol
Me: This female commentator is ruthless!
Moms: I know! I wanna see what she looks like. I wanna see her dive.

Gaming Geeks (Y'all are kinda sexy)

Can I just walk up into a store and buy a Wii? Are they on back order?

I've got a 64 inch television, which was a parting gift from an ex (he left it with me). I don't put it to good use. Hell, I don't even use the HD properties on it. I figure I need to start having football watching gatherings and Wii gaming gatherings.

*9:30 Random Thought. So I'm watching the Olympics. Thinking how much more entertaining some of these lame "sports" synchronized diving would be if the participants were butt naked. Then...I thought how fun would it be to play Wii naked? lol, don't worry... I'm just kidding. Kind of. Okay, not really. I need a significant other.*

Dear TIH:

Woman, Bring Yo Ass To Atlanta!



Consider this your invitation!
You know how we get down!

*I promise no Sesame Street characters were harmed during this posting*

Double Standard: Enough Said.

BWHAHAHAHAH. That is soo disturbing in a funny type scary terrifying way.

R.I.P. Isaac Hayes

It's a rough week.

Thanks to Babs...

This shall be a lazy Sunday. I'm trying to get the Babs Twist out of my system. Babs Twist...what is that you ask? It's her new signature drink, not to be confused with the slurricane; however, it has a similar effect. The drink even comes with its own dance: WHERE IS THE BREAD?

Last night was so much fun, new people, good people, attractive, intelligent people.

Highlights:
* I got serenaded by 4 gentlemen with a song apologizing for every 5 minute man experience I've ever encountered.

* I learned about the power of 3: 3 What you ask? Why a guy will have sex with a woman at least 3 times. Another question you might likely have...why is this written on a plate with 2 dollars? After somebody testafies...there is often times an offering. I think the men are collecting $$$ to build a new bedroom. (Bedroom Fund).



* Intern called bullshit on my 2008 vow of celibacy. It's only 4 more months, I can do it. And if a dude can't wait at LEAST 4 months...he ain't the one.

* Introduced strangers to the concept of a new drink. I shall not provide the title, there will be a party dedicated to the drink in the future.

* Laughed a LOT.