9.04.2008

Blogging from the airport

Please forgive any typos and short hand typing, I dont have spell check and u know its not comfy typing on these pdas.

1. I took Marta, cuz u know its smarta. I got on the plane kinda jiggy in my work clothes and sexy hot shoes. Immediately, 3 men offered me their seat. I graciously said thank you and announced, "they dont do that in new york!" Which got a giggle out of those around me and generated some chatter.

2. What would u do if u were getting married and the venue called u 2 days before to cancel? Hurricane, schmuricane. So my bffs wedding is cancelled at the chrysler musuem and the alternatice is the marriott hotel. I hope this is not a precursor to their relationship.

3. I think that I will start a seperate blog for my political banter. I want to link certain people in, but I dont want them all extra in my bizness. Sure they could find this blog on their own; however im not inviting them.

4. How ironic that im eating wendys before i go to the 757. Which successfully upset my stomach. Erg, i hate fast food like that...but those damn fries will make me a large lady one day.

5. Miracle man has been entertaining. In the words of TIH, that is all.

What can we do?

I hope you are as offended by Palin's speech as I am.

I'm offended on many levels. First that you think that I'm too stupid to see through the Republican Rhetoric. Obama is going to raise taxes? I'm sorry, I'm in the 80%majority of people who would actually benefit from his economic. Who are you speaking to? Ohh...that's right, your constituents.

I'm offended MOST by her belittling Obama's community organizing experience. One person came to mind, don't know if you've heard of him: Martin Luther King. She invalidated him. Martin Luther King was a community organizer that was a great speaker who was motivated by a dream...a hope...a vision.

The hypocrisy makes me heart hurt. Seriously y'all my angst with her words have seeped into my physical being. My heart literally hurts.

The sad thing people is that there are millions of 'small town,' Americans that will eat this rhetoric up. They probably laughed heartily at her zingers and started to question their support of Obama.

I want to talk to these people. To ensure that they know the facts. Unlike Barack, I won't take the high road and not question the hyporcrisy. Unlike the Media, I will call John McCain out for leaving his disabled wife for a younger rich trollop/cunt. I want to GO IN. How can we do this?

9.03.2008

Serious Question: Where would you be?

How do you think your life would be different if your mother chose her career over family?

In college, I used to truly believe that I could do it all. People saw me, a young woman who was involved in volunteering, Supervisor of a campus job, NABA Vice President, and Student Council Representative...and assumed that I'd aspire to become a C-level executive of some Corporation. And I blieved that too.

Until I got into the working world.

I was exposed to the type of women that were top executives of the Company that I worked for. They did not resonate with the woman that I aspired to truly be. Who is this woman?

My MOTHER.

My mother is Ivy League decorated. Her peers are amongst the best & brightest at NY Times and NBC. But you know what? They don't have children. They opted to pursue their career over a family life. To each his/her own; but observing that left a strong impression on me.

My mother was the REAL soccer/basketball/piano/gymnastics/PTA mother. When I cried, she was there. When I got caught up in bad things, she was there. When I laughed, she was there. When she took me to the gynecologist who asked if I was sexually active, she left the room to put my health and safety above Jesus Christ (yes, I said it). I then immediately told her the truth that yes, I was 17 and sexually active and she immediately put me on the pill. But she was THERE.

You know where she was not?

In some board room parenting a business or the government.

I have no clue where I'd be without my mother. And I really ponder in light of Palin. What mother with 5 children, one having a disability opt to parent the government over her own children? That is the antithesis of family values.

Women, if you had 5 children, including a new born with downs syndrom...would you accept the position as CEO of your Company...or the top role that you could possibly achieve in your desired field? Is there a proper time in life to do such things?

9.02.2008

Are you dating a loser?

Good Read

90210 :-) Yea!!!



The inner 16 year old in me is so pumped. I tried to watch the RNC to feel well balanced. But I couldn't do it, it was too lame.

OMG - Shannon, the guy from the Pit. OMG OMG OMG. This is AWESOME. Kelly!

There's even a black person on the show in a permanent role.

I'm taking shots for every black person I see at the DNC

I am sober.

3 shots. (Actually, I'm not...but I thought it'd be a great drinking game).

This tells you a LOT about how out of touch the Republican Party is with America. It looks like a party of exclusion. Like a KKK rally.

9.01.2008

To Summarize...

Because it's hard to keep up with all of the Palin news...

1. Palin belonged to an Alaskan seccionist independent party for approximately 2 years. In laymen terms, this party believed that Alaska should, "seek the complete repatriation of the public lands, held by the federal government, to the state and people of Alaska in conformance with Article 1, Section 8, Clause 17, of the federal constitution. And, "to prohibit all bureaucratic regulations and judicial rulings purporting to have the effect of law, except that which shall be approved by the elected legislature."

2. Her 17 year old unmarried daughter is pregnant. She is an ultra-conserative, Pat Buchanan republican who thinks that abstinence is the best message to deliver in sex-ed and is also anti-abortion. Choice = Have the baby and get married to the man. Is that what the 17 year old child wants to do? We'll never know b/c we're not allowed to ask.

3. She was almost recalled as Mayor

4. She directed fundraising for indicted Ted Steven's 527 group.

Those are the major items. I'm sure you've found some other highly questionable activities about her. The culmination of this information PISSES ME OFF. John McCain is an idiot and those voting for him are idiotic. Period. I could respect a person's choice to not vote for Obama; however, the only intelligent alternative is to abstain from voting.

Campbell GOES IN:

Apples, Trees, and Dates

1. Sarah Palin's first son, Track Palin, was born on April 20.

2. Sarah Palin was married on August 29, 1988. She eloped.

3. 38 weeks is the typical human pregnancy.

4. 38 weeks before her son's birthday, April 20, 1989, is July 28, 1988 - i.e., that would be the hypothetical day of conception.

5. If this data is correct, that would mean that Sarah Palin eloped four weeks after her son's conception.

6. Sarah Palin's son could still be legitimate if he was born four weeks premature, AND if he was conceived on the night his parents eloped.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. See the StorkNet Due Date Chart and see what your conclusion is. Unless the first baby was a premmie, fo' sho' she conceived the child out of wedlock.

Palin demonstrates the push-pull relationship behind women's rights and family.

A while ago I posted a Confession that I'm anti-feminist as I believe that it is impossible to be a uber-successful woman and a good mother.

Raising a family is perhaps one of THE hardest tasks that God graced humanity with. Hard, yet fulfilling and wonderful. Raising a great child far exceeds any monetary bonus that a CEO could receive.

I feel like Palin demonstrates best how being a 'successful' liar woman compromises having an active role as a mother in a family.

8.30.2008

Rationalization behind voting for McCain

I know some of you are asking the same question that I ask. How in de hell could somebody vote for McCain. Well, I've done some research and figured it out...and I too am going to vote McCain because I agree with how he has voted in the past. I too, am a disgruntled HRC voter. Because she didn't win, the MOST logical thing for me to do is abandon the issues that caused me to support her in the first place and vote for the Maverick, whose stance on the issues are in line with what HRC said...

-McCain Opposed Equal Pay Bill for Women, Said They ‘Need Education and Training’ Instead. (Women, except Sarah Palin are generally pretty stupid. They just need to get smarter if they want equal pay).

-McCain Voted Against Increasing Benefits For Children With Special Needs In The Social Security Act. (Doesn't Palin have a Downs Syndrome child? Guess being a rich woman is so wonderful such that you don't have to care about the mother that can't afford to financially set their downs syndrome child).

-McCain has voted consistently against women's health, and he supports overturning the landmark U.S. Supreme Court ruling, Roe v. Wade. (I LOVE it when men get to dictate what I do with my body! I mean, it was the act of him dickating me that got me preggers in the first place!)

-McCain opposed spending $100 million to prevent unintended and teen pregnancies. (What? Teens never have sex.)

-McCain opposed legislation requiring that abstinence-only programs be medically accurate and scientifically based. (The bible says to abstain from sex until marriage. Why aren't you following that rule?)

-McCain Voted Against Allowing Uninsured Parents To Enroll In The Same Plans As Their Children. (I mean, why can't they afford it on their own. Cheap skates!)

-McCain Voted Against Providing Tax Credits to Small Businesses That Offer Health Insurance To Employees. (Ehhh, you're not worth saving until you're big business.)

-McCain Has Voted To Cut, Restrict, And Underfund Medicaid At Least Seven Times. (Give me an 8th time to do it)

-McCain Voted To Cut An Estimated $72 Billion From Medicaid As Part Of The FY 1997 Budget Resolution. (Geez, it's a budget, some things have to go!)

-McCain Voted Against Medicare Prescription Drug Coverage At Least Twenty-Eight Times. (I'm a Rich man whose wife stole from her non-profit to support her drug habit. Stealing is MUCH easier than providing coverage, get with the program!)

-Voted NO on $52M for 21st century community learning centers. (Ha, let them suffer!!! bwhaha, Oh I mean, it's just too expensive).

-Voted NO on shifting $11B from corporate tax loopholes to education. (I'm Republican, no WAY I'd shift money from Corporations to education. That way I get to keep 'my people' in power).

-Voted NO on funding smaller classes instead of private tutors. (Because you know, a low-income mother has the time and money to hire a private tutor).

-Voted NO to elminate tax breaks for oil and natural gas companies. (I mean, it'd be hard to post record after-tax profits if you didn't get a break. Good for my fellow rich investors. I don't care much about those that can't drive to and from work, I'm a Republican).

-Voted NO to protect workers’ overtime rights. (Slaves didn't get paid overtime, neither should you).

-Voted NO on limiting soldiers' deployment to 12 months. (Ehhh, you signed up to fight, go and be merry for 13+ months. We'll just send care packages)

-Voted NO on restricting business with entities linked to terrorism. (I mean, terror businesses do have a LOT of money, why deny them access to us?)

-Voted YES on extending the PATRIOT Act's wiretap provision. (I mean, you could over-hear some sexually explicit talk...that could be entertaining!)

-Voted NO on background checks at gun shows. (I want my gun and I want it NOW!)

-Voted YES on loosening license & background checks at gun shows. (If you want a gun, it totally makes no sense to have restrictions. I love it when unstable people get guns, it makes for interesting news...like Va Tech).

-Voted YES on maintaining current law: guns sold without trigger locks. (If you buy a gun, clearly you intend to kill. Why have a lock?)

-Voted YES on building a fence along the Mexican border (We don't want you here.)

-NO on expanding hate crimes to include sexual orientation (Ehh, if you hate 'em, it's okay to kill them).

-YES on limiting death penalty appeals (because the legal system is fair and innocent are NEVER executed).

-McCain opposed requiring insurance coverage of prescription birth control. (After I take my Viagra, which is covered, I'm going to go populate Alaska).

-McCain Voted To Cut, Eliminate, Restrict Health Insurance Coverage for Low Income Children and Pregnant Mothers At Least SIX Times. (None of my friends are low-income and always practice safe sex. Only stupid people are low-income and get pregnant out of wedlock).

-McCain Opposed Extending Coverage To Uninsured Children. (This is my alternative to my pro-life position. The uninsured child might not get enough coverage to erruhh...live).

8.29.2008

Partying like it's 2004

Yea! Unexpected visitors. Partying like it's 2004. Ohhh the yesteryears. Ha, Nerual u know what's up :-).

Okay, we can act like it didn't happen.



*smooches*

8.28.2008

My mom ROCKS and inspires

So this morn she casually mentions that she got invited to the White House. THE WHITE HOUSE.

Even tho' I hate him, he's still the President Bush is giving a speech on Volunteering.

Good golly, I want to be like her when I grow up!

People the world over have always been more impressed by the power of our example than by the example of our power



Bill Clinton delivered what I believe to be the best speech thus far.

8.27.2008

Football Season :-)

And not just on ESPN and ABC, but in real life!

Anybody in ATL interested in joining a flag football league? The games are on Sunday afternoon inside the perimeter, but on the east side of town. Let me know by September 3rd.

Point of Clarification

The 08 in my url address refers to the fact that it's 2008. I'm not affiliated with a sorority. Which one is the 08 sorority?

This PSA has been brought to you on account of CaliSlim :-)

A brief lesson in financial statements

So many people have NO clue what I do, or rather what I did working at a public accounting firm.

Do you either directly or through your retirement fund own shares of a Company? Essentially you provide a Company equity (funds) in consideration for the expectation that management will take those funds and create value, or rather provide you with a positive return on your investment. Well, how in de heck does one create value? What does value even mean?

Basically a share represents the value of a Company divided amongst many owners. There are several sophisticated methods available to assign value to a Company; however, what one really needs to know can be derived from the three basic financial statements:

The Balance Sheet: Assets = Liabilities + Equity. This is at one single point in time. Similar to your monthly bank statement.

The Income Statement: Revenue - Expenses = Net Income. It shows activity over a period of time. This would be like compiling all of your monthly bank statements for the year to see how much money was deposited (revenue) and how much money you spent (expenses) over the entire year. If at year end you have a net loss, your overall equity decreases; however, if you have net income, your overall equity increases. Equity can be akin to savings.

Statement of Cash Flows: Shows how cash was provided used. The difference between this and the income statement is that due to accounting rules, there are several non-cash related transactions. For example, when you buy a car you pay $25,000. The second it drives off the lot, it's worth $20,000. Your cash flow was limited to an outflow of $25,000; not $20,000. The income statement would take into account this phantom $5,000 difference ($25k-$20k=$5k); whereas the statement of cash flows would not.

For publicly traded Companies these financial statements, along with notes to the consolidated financial statements, are required to be 'fact checked' by an independent party (aka the Auditor, aka ME).

Value is created when a Company makes a dollar out of 15 cents. You give a Company funds and it improves effectiveness and efficiency of operations resulting in greater productivity. The more they produce, the more customers buy. Essentially the goal is to improve effectiveness and efficiency in such a way that it takes less to produce more.

The Company has an incentive to overstate assets/revenue and to understate liabilities/expenses because it wants to appear as attractive as possible to attract your hard-earned (or McCain's easy come easy go) money. My job as an auditor is synonymous with building trust. For example, the balance sheet may indicate that a Company has $1,000,000 worth of cash. Well, how does the investor trust that the Company is not making this amount of cash up? As an FYI, having excess cash can tell you quite a bit about a Company's goals. An increasing cash account may indicate that a Company intends to make acquisitions to grow their business...which could be risky if not adequately managed. Having too much cash can also mean that management is not adequately managing your invested money to create wealth. Anywho - back to the $1 million. My job entails directly contacting the bank to confirm that the Company, in fact, had $1 million in its account. That's like if you told me that you had $5,000 in your account. Instead of asking you twice about it, I'd simply directly call your bank. Now in real life this wouldn't work b/c I don't have your passwords; however, the beauty of being an auditor is that I can see and ask whatever the hell I want to!

One of the goals of the Financial Accounting Standards Board (FASB), Securities Exchange Commission (SEC, not that unstoppable football division) and the Public Company Accounting Oversight Board (PCAOB) is to create guidelines and standards that ensure that financial statements are comparable. Like if you pick up the financial statements of Kraft, will the information be relatively consistent with the financial statements of General Mills? It should be. These regulators also aim to ensure that financial statements are transparent. Enron essentially painted a false picture of its financial condition. In a nutshell, Enron created 'off-shore' entities that it excluded from it's reported financial statements, so investors did not know about debts. That's like me entering a marriage, but not telling my fiance that my credit score is 1. I become a liability to him upon our union (okay, love yada yada yada, you get what I'm saying).

As easy as all that may sound, it requires critical analysis of the facts before you, which may or may not be obvious. Furthermore, the guidelines and standards are principle based, rather than rules based. Instead of saying, you CAN'T do that, the guidelines would say, "the goal and essence of this transaction should be xyz. But have you considered these factors?"

Any questions? lol

I am LAME for writing that. But I'm smiling :-) Being a CPA makes me happy.

8.26.2008

August 26, 1920

88 years ago women were granted the right to vote.

I sit here and ponder, would McCain voted for or against this? Given his piss poor record on women's rights, I wholeheartedly believe that he would have voted against this constitutional amendment.

Pause and give thanks for those that came before us.

Also, Happy B-Day Babs. You're a phenomenal woman!

8.25.2008

DAG ON, I TRIED TO BE STRONG

BUT MICHELLE JERKED A TEAR OUT OF MY EYE.

THAT SPEECH WAS ONE OF THE BEST SPEECHES PERIOD.

AND YES I'M YELLING THIS. LOL.

AWWWEEE AND HER SONG, "ISN'T SHE LOVELY."

YES. SHE IS.

YES. WE CAN.

She continues to inspire me.

My mother. So she calls me during the political olympics DNC and says,

"SunFresh, you know I thought that nothing would ever top the experience I had being on a fighter-jet. But I think going to the DNC might actually top it. I'm going to go before I die!"

She's absolutely beautiful. She's resilient. She's smart, She's Ivy League decorated. She's loving. She raised 3 college educated children that say, "I love you," to each other every time we talk. She's freaking AMAZING.

I want to be like her when I grow up.

Where do you get confidence from?

I thought that was a good question.

I'm having some what of a down/cynical day, so my perspective is rather bum.

Validation from other people. you can believe in yourself all you want but if nobody ever validates your accomplishments / achievements are you really great? Ehh, I guess you can continue to think so. If nobody fed your ego...do you have cause to have one? Wouldn't it starve?

I think of the which comes first chicken or egg argument. One could argue that confidence breeds greatness which is acknowledged and recognized by others.

Like if JayZ never received any praise, fame or Beyonce...would he still be claiming that he's best? Or is the fact that he has #1s, got "the hottest chick in the game wearing my chain," give him reason to make claims that he's the best...and truly believe it.

Lol, thinking of Kanye. Perhaps he has real confidence. He doesn't win an award and he is the hurt dog that bites/barks.

I wonder what I might say tomorrow. What say you today.

More music from the early 90s...what y'all know about:



Doing dances with your friends in the living room after school?



This was one of my favorites back in the late 80s early 90s. Can anybody else feel me on that one?

8.24.2008

What do Jodeci, Minute 1:45 of this video and Crack have in common?



Apparently a LOT.

CLEVER CLEVER CLEVER. 3:09 AM.

How many of you were irritated that you didn't get your Obama text until circa 3 am? *looks at phone, sees that text arrived at 3:09 am, raises hand* Post the exact time that you received the text.

If irritated, you may have failed to see the absolute humor in it. I think a lot of people missed it. But Ariana Huffington GOT IT.

But she got it. Read. CLEVER



Watch CNN go bonkers:

Opening from the inside out (Grown Folk Talk)

Sex, and especially the female orgasm is something that doesn't get due attention...especially amongst black women. We are encouraged to suppress our sexuality in order to counteract the stigma associated with black women in regards to sexuality. So in this silence, you often wonder if you're alone...like, "I must be weird to have these certain desires...I'm not married, so I shouldn't talk freely about sex for fear of being considered a whore...Only dirty women do this that or the other."

Ladies and gentlemen, I encourage you to watch the following video. It's rather long and the very first minute is err-uhhh not work safe...but if you've got a second...I think it's a good watch. I'm not sure that I learned from it; however, I connected to other womens' experiences, thoughts and desires and discovered that I'm 'not the only one' in some of my desires, apprehensions ect regarding my sexuality.

From another person that watched it, "That initial picture of that bag of bones that shows before you push play REALLY had me reconsidering watching this...shit seemed like it would be 30 minutes of some 70 year old dusty twat Appalachian grandma talking about cumming...something i could definitely go through life never watching...

The actual first minute of footage though, saved it"


Sociology Study

If I were in college, I might do a paper on the sociology around being in a mostly white bar/lounge/club vs. a mostly black bar/lounge/club.

Please provide certain perspectives you'd be interested in seeing.

Things I found interesting:

Beer pong and other random drunk games. Why?
Flip flops with otherwise cute outfits. Why?
Limited dancing + great music. Why?
Lack of holleration between the men and women. Why?

Ode to the Zealous Alam Mater Alumni at the Olympics

who stands in NBC's today show crowd day after day with a big flag representing our school.

Rep our school!
It brings me so much joy.
You must be really cool.
How ever I wonder if you're a girl or boy
I cheered when I first saw the flag in the crowd
You're undying pride always helps
For me to be more proud
Than I am of Phelps.

*and we see why I'm not a rapper or poet*

8.23.2008

I'm kinda clairvoyant



Obama + Biden = Unstoppable!!!!!

In one of my 2008 predictions I called this shot.

I'm SO IN LOVE with this Union. These were my two top choices back in Q4 07. Biden's amazing stance on education and domestic violence...strength and rigidity in foreign policy coupled Obama's vision and hope for the future. I feel so inspired. I will believe in my leaders again.

*BTW, I just clicked to donate again. I encourage you to do the same*

8.21.2008

24 Hours....of Me.



WAIVES HELLO!!! What's cracking? I don't know what has possessed me to post a picture. Compromising my anonymity taught me one painful lesson earlier this year. However, I did learn from that experience. Basically, I got called the eff out for my raw, real thoughts. The old blog was my personal vent. I wrongly naively assumed that out of the millions of people that are on the internet, nobody that I personally knew would land on my lil' url spot. Well now, most people know that I have a lil url spot and may visit me. However, to the others that read and realize that the know me...deal with it. I blogged before you, I'll blog after you.

And if you happen upon and know me....feel free to say hello. That way we can all avoid unnecessary drama, right? lol, altho' I'd assume that the entire gang would stop by to be nosy.

Because most people ask...yes they are real. Victoria really does keep a great secret. However, I don't. But on fakeness in the picture...my smile, it's for the camera, not from the heart. Oh wells...you get the main idea.

Borrowing

Would you and/or do you borrow money from friends?

or

Do you / would you only borrow money from people that you were in a relationship with?

I just heard an interesting perspective. One said they'd only borrow money from folks that they were in a relationship because the level of intimacy is deeper. Then they were like...think about it, relationships are built upon sex and money. Friendships are not.

I'm chewing on that like it's grape flavored bubble gum.

Throwback #2: Grown Folk Talk Session #1

My guilty pleasure show is Real Housewives of Orange County. Quinn is the classic, "oh but I'm catholic and play by the rules, but God'll forgive my outrageous sexual appetite" type woman. She says, "I need to get marriage so that I can let my sensual side out I'm a FREAK. "

On the episode her boyfriend and her went out to vegas. They had a serious conversation that didn't quite enhance the mood. As a result, her boyfriend (Bobby) went down to the floor to play. We see her in her room putting on fake lashes, a wig and an knock-out outfit. She "transforms" into her alter-ego, Roxy. Roxy goes down to the casino floor, finds Bobby and in an ultra-confident, almost cocky mode flirts shamelessly with Bobby. We're grown...we know how things ended up!

Have you ever dressed up and got in character to PUT IT ON your SO?

I've never done full-out role playing. But I do have some good tricks up my sleeve. Like the time I snuck into his garage, waited for him to get back on his flight to ATL. He was surprised that I was waiting in the garage. But then BAM, I kicked it up a notch by stepping out the car wearing only the pink trench coat. We're grown...we know how things ended up!

Throwback #1: Does the Flash Not Work?

I had deleted my previous blog for reasons that I won't mention. However, my blog chronicles who I am and what I've gone through. I recently found that I copied quite a bit from the previous blog prior to deleting it...thank God. So today, I'm going to post a few throwbacks...

I'm driving 35-40 mph on Paces Ferry. There is an old red pick-up car slighty behind me to the right and a boxy blue buick/oldsmobile to my left, parked at the red light approximately 200 feet away from me. Naturally, I begin to break for the redlight...only my car continues at the 35-40 mph pace. I have completely lost control of the car. My eyes dart around, quickly scoping out the scene, my mind reacting likewise, "What is going on with my car? Why isn't it breaking? Am I in a bad dream right now?" Realizing that I'm not about to wake up or be put to permenant rest, I swerve slightly to the right to avoid the boxy blue buick/olsmobile. I say, slightly...that was my intended move. "Okay, this is reality, I have to take control of the situation, I can do this. You have to regain control." My parent's joint soul reitterates what they've told me before, "Don't fight the direction your car is naturally traveling in. " My car vehemently circles to the right in a spinning motion. I do as told, and turn my wheel toward the right. I'm sliding faster than Disney on Ice.

Now that the car to my left is out of my range, I quickly see the side of the bridge and the red pick-up approaching me. Now completely out of control, "Is this it, I mean really, is this the end? I can't believe it. My life isn't flashing before my eyes, I wonder how my family is going to be notified" And I resigned, no fear, no fighting it, no flashes. Although I am completly out of control of the car; I felt completely in control of the situation. The situation is that I lived my life the best way that I knew how to. I loved and was loved. I accomplished and exceeded my goals. Everything was okay.

All these thoughts flooded my head in the short moments before my car came to a stop two lanes displaced and facing the edge of the bridge. The red pick-up slowly passed me...I couldn't see the person inside, but I could sense their soul...looking over me to ensure that I was okay.

And after feeling over-calmed and resigned by the end...I panicked the second that I realized that I was fine. Life would continue. I would continue to love, be loved, find complete bliss, have heartbreaks, exceed goals, miss deadlines, stress, rejoice. My heart pounded, my thoughts - moments ago were serenely calm, but were now a jumbled mess.

Life IS that stimulating and thrilling. Even if there are no flashes.

Who Beholds

I was having a brief internet convo earlier about how I don't carry the sense of entitlement that some pretty/attractive people do b/c I didn't grow up being told that I was attractive. Like you know...attractive people just get free shit sometimes, so due to conditioning they start to think they are entitled to privilege.

As a child, growing up around all whites, I didn't fit their standard of beauty and was rarely recognized as pretty/attractive. Even when I was around blacks, they made me feel too light or too unblack to be pretty/attractive.

Well - ya girl grew up. However, the scars are still there.

Upon re-reading the message that birthed the "teenage OMG squeal," post...I had to pause. I had validation that I was pretty... from somebody that I put on a pedastal during the time when I felt ugliest in my life. His validation meant more than any compliment on my physical appearance that I've received in a long time. That 10 year old girl with no self esteem finally got the compliment that she wanted back in the early 90s. For a moment, I bought into the notion that, perhaps I am more attractive than I give myself credit only because he said so. I should've felt that without his vindication.

Gots to thinking - beauty is in the eye of the beholder...BUT ARE YOU THE BEHOLDER, OR ARE OTHERS.

for me...I think others, at least for a long time. Even now, I believe it mostly b/c of reinforcement from others, not from within. Hopefully I'll be the beholder without reinforcement one day.

8.19.2008

Guessing Games

There is a uber-fine manager in my department. He's tall, dark (Brazilian) and handsome. All the ladies go apeshit for him. He's 35, single, never been married. Dresses very nicely. Is well groomed.

There's been speculation about his sexual preference. I've been on the fence, he's doesn't talk about his personal life. All the ladies tease him about being a chic magnet. He doesn't confirm nor deny. Which is pecular, primarily because there are 3 or 4 other gay people in my department. They are pretty open, I mean they don't wear rainbows and scream Yea! I'm gay. But when they talk about their life, they don't hide the fact that their significant other is of the same sex. As they shouldn't, not like married folk do.

So anyway, I'm waiting for my plane at Hartsfield-Jackson. Who do I see? Manager. With another male friend that looked just as clean as he did. Their interaction was more akin to mine with exes than friends...if ya know what I mean.

And this brings me to a convo I had with another manager in the dept. She's been in ATL for 13 years and explained how jaded she was and felt like every other dude was DL. She was like, if a dude would push a date back to work out...he might be gay. If he takes longer to get ready than me....he might be gay. If he doesn't know sports statistics backward and forward....he might be gay. If he knows how to tuck his shirt in...he might be gay.

Ummm, I don't think I'm naive. I've called the shot wrong once, and I did some research before I pursued. However, I'm not in constant fear that every man I date is having man-butt-sex on the side.

Are there some things to be awware of? Clues that you keep your eye open to?

A lesson in vocabulary: Phelps.

Some would call it a proper noun, given that it is somebody's last name. However, I propose that Webster define it as a verb.

Phelps (phelped) (v.): To excel, to surpass expectations, to break records.

I phelped that presentation last week and as a result my boss has taken the initiative to demote herself into my former role and promote me into the boss role.

For our aniversary he completely phelped me. He ordered 12 dozen roses, cooked my favorite meal, flew me to Paris and back, ect...

Girl, I phelped him last night. I layed it down so good he slept in the fetal position.