Miami

Got there Saturday evening. We ate, stopped at Wet Willies and went to Mangos. We were standing by an odd couple - on the surface it appeared to be an older Caucasian man and younger African-American gorgeous woman. They had a table which had a bottle of wine, vodka, and brandi. The man turned around and in broken English, offered me drinks. Because the drinks were already in bottles, I accepted his offer. I turned to the woman and started talking to her; however, she gave me a blank stare and said in broken English, "Do you speak Spanish?" Come to find out the dude was 57 from Switzerland and she was 30 from Panama. She was a fabulous dancer and he wasn't so fabulous - but they looked very happy. She would say, "speak to Mi husband," with such a thick accent if I wanted to talk to her. The guy gave me his/her e-mail address. Kinda makes me think that they might be into some "extra" curricular sexual activities...heyyy to each his/her own.

I had my fair share of drink, so I didn't think that I would be able to get up the next morning for a jog. But I did wake up and amazed myself even. I got dressed and started my lil' piss poor jog and all these people were dashing by me. In my head I chuckled and said, "well dayum, this isn't a race." But then I noticed numbers on joggers ....and they were in a race. It inspired me to keep going. I ran at least 4 miles...and got little blasts of energy when I saw a father-son duo who were in it together and a woman with a prosetthic leg. I would really like to be able to run; but I admit it takes a lot of effort...sometimes I have the energy sometimes I don't.

Next we at breakfast. Chatted about whether to go to the beach or parrot jungle. Parrot jungle is like a zoo - but not really. Much smaller than a real zoo and with a limited variety of animals...mainly parrots and other types of exotic birds. I've always loved birds, and the more exotic, the better, so I had a great time. Met Polly who really does think that she is a pretty and wants a cracker.

After we left parrot jungle, it was like okay definitely beach time...but which beach? SoBe is sooo pase (in an English accent); so we decided on walking on the wild side and going to Haulover. SoBe is about about 3rd-16th street...Haulover is at 108th. So it was a bus ride...yes we got on Miami Beach public transportation; it was like a 45 minute ride. While on the ride, it starts raining and we're kind of disappointed. But we continue onto the beach wishing for the best. We get off at the first sign of Haulover Beach and notice that the rain is about to pass so we just wait under the buss stop shade/protection. We stay there for about 15 minutes until the rain clears and walk over to the beach. No naked people. I've never been so confused as to why there were no naked people in public. So I ask a lifegaurd who says that the clothes optional part is about a mile up. So yes, after that long ass rainy bus ride, we still have a mile and a half to go. We look off into the horizon and then down at our feet in the sand. Walking in the sand is like walking with 40 lb weights on your ankles. We get about 1/4 of the way and I stop like ehhh whatever. I look up and see a car riding smoothly over pavement that is right past the small brush of glass. It was like an oasis...so we immediately walk up there. All this pain and anguish just to get to a freaking nude beach.

So after a while I look over the grassy part and I see this piss-poor fence. You'd imagine that a fence that encloses a nude beach would be at least 4 feet high and have no spacing. For example good fence = (}{}{}{}{}{}{}{}{); bad fence = (/ | \ { } ). From far away, my bad eye-sight registers a fully nude backside. Relief washed over me, knowing that we found it. So then we start on the pathway between the brush to get to the beach. The first thing I see is a dark-skinned black man's twig and berries. Immediately I look down. I'm not necessarily embarrassed, but it's not often that you see penis when not expecting to see it. So finally I force myself to just look up and deal with it. LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! Penises were EVERYWHERE. And they were all shapes and sizes.There was a mostly nude volleyball game going on in back of us, nude couples, nude families, nude women with clit piercings, nude men with penis piercings...and these people were definitely over 40 years old. The only people I saw that appeared to be between the ages of 25-35 were a group of attractive women; however, they were topless (not bottomless) and smoking weed (I always ask...who does that over the age of 21?). And after a while I could see them mooching off of nude men near them (drinking their alcohol).

We plop down in a spot and I take my clothes off and kind of try to act like "Oh yeah, I do this all the time." This guy (presumably gay) turns toward us and says, "Good thing the rain passed quickly." After he turns around we look at each other and giggle on some, "a naked man just casually talked to us." After a while I get up to get into the water. I don't notice much around me, but I'm slowly getting used to the water and there is an Italian older dude (probably late 50s) that sees me try to ease into the water. He starts talking to me and offers to hold my hand and lead me out into the water. I refuse to take his hand...but we shitchat about the differences between American and European culture in regards to nudity. As he talks to me, two other Black men approach. They're Haitian and make little talk, but clearly flirty. They all were flirting, messing up my good naked time in the ocean. So I started feeling uncomfortable and got out. So shortly thereafter, we got up and left the beach. We ate, and I think I went to bed early.