With all this talk about dating being cut n' dry easy. If you're just not into him or he's just not into you ...move on. Most of this from single people. I developed a rule within the past 2 years...to primarily take advice from married people, or people in successful committed relationships. I don't think relationships are easy and I certainly think that there is an element of patience that people need to have on so many levels. Nobody is perfect, timing is not always right etc...so to cut somebody off at the knee-cap after the first woopah is rather rash...IMO.
With that being said, the other day this guy at work sparked up a brief conversation. We exchanged names, he sent an e-mail to ask me out to lunch. I wasn't head over heels attracted to him, but what the heck, why not go out with him? So we just got back from our lunch date and I think his personality is really dope. We have similar elitist tendencies (it's not that deep - we're school snobs) and have similar outlooks on dating in ATL, education, politics etc. I found it funny that he visibly attempted to search for politically correct things to say; however, I prefer to skip over the facade of who we assume will impress the other person. So I encouraged him to stop searching for "the right word," and say what came to mind. I feel like I could've talked to him all afternoon. I can't sit here and say that I started fantasizing about naughty things while talking to him...but I figure I'll give it a few more dates before I push him completely into the friend bucket. So after the date he sametimes me and we have the following convo:
SunFresh: I definitely had a good time at lunch...thank you again. Decent food :-)~ Good conversation!
FIGO: Thanks...i thoroughly enjoyed myself. It's refreshing to finally meet someone u can sit with for an hour and not immediately put them in the 'no' category.
SunFresh: lol - I hear that! Perhaps we can catch up before you head out of country or when you get back
FIGO: wow SunFresh...ur right to the point...and that i definitely like. takes all the pressure off of me! LOL
SunFresh: let's just say I'm not good at Chess, even worse at the game of "dating" I don't really try to calcluate the next move
FIGO: yeah, i call it shooting from the hip. it works wonders in this dating thing....as i'm slowly learning. and yes, i would love to get together again....b4 i go.
We made plans to go before he flies out of country for work...
SunFresh sounds good to me! SunFresh phone (xxx-xxx-xxxx). What is your # so that I don't ignore the call when it pops up lol
FIGO: geez, i couldnt type fast enough to ask!
SunFresh: wow - maybe i should attempt to be a bit more coy
FIGO: NO! if u only knew. be exactly like u r.
A few observations...he's 35 (*sigh* why do I attract older men?). He's got his MBA from a top 20, travels extensively. He alluded to the fact that he's seeking more stability in his life. He wonders why I'm single b/c he said that I'm attractive and he's sure that guys approach me all the time (true..but quantity < quality). I gather that he's not over-the top confident and recognizes that he can attract women with his personality rather than being that super-flashy dude.
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Where advice from married people in concerend, I have found that many of them, happy or not, give the same quaility of general relationship advice as singles do. When it comes to talking about exactly what marriage is like, the marrieds obviously have first hand info on that. However, they never all say the same things. Each couple's experience is kinda different. I take advice from those married AND singles who are closest to me give me very Hostess specific advice because they know my inner-workings.
I see your point, however, for a while I surrounded myself with women between 28-31 who were all happily single...and I dip the word "happily" in sarcasm.
Rcently, a married woman told me, "girl, back in the day I couldn't stand my man. But after a while through lifes ups and downs, he was always there for me and was my best friend." She offered a perspective quite different than the single girls who'd be quick to cut a dude off. So now, I balance out perspectives from both single and married people.
Kinda like you value the anecdotal medical advice from a doctor more than from a lawyer...or the law advice more from a lawyer than a doctor. anybody can give good anecdotal advice, but there is a bit intrinsic value when advice comes from professionals / experienced people.
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