Wait, Weight

I've hummed around that 2008 was a rather bad year for me. The ex-ex actually said something very profound that made a LOT of sense. Something to the effect of...SunFresh, your most inner thoughts/desires manifested themselves in a series of relationships that you had. So in the 2-Year man, you knew that you didn't want to spend your life with him, so your actions...while unintentional...lead to your break-up with him. In respect to the "Cruel"...you didn't care for a handful of those people, and the truth manifested...granted the delivery of the truth was rather ugly...it is what it is. While the transition period was rather painful, you're better off.

But the transition period. The loss of two types of relationships that defined a big piece of who I am within a one-month period was more than I cared to take. Even now, that ish hurts like hell at times.

Okay, this is a post about my weight. And I'm an emotional eater...not in the sense that I eat when I'm sad...quite the contrary, I deprive myself of food when I'm sad. Not consciously per se, but the feelings of anxiety & emotional emptiness fill me up to the point where I'm physically full and cannot eat.

I don't own a scale because I'd assume that I'd be obsessive. I measure my weight by the way clothes fit. Suit pants that used to grip my thighs, now hang off. Dresses that used to suffocate my hips now fit. I don't know that I've been this thin since I first moved to ATL and couldn't afford to eat (literally, all I ate was one 2 egg omlette daily b/c it was cheap, good and had necessary nutrients).

I also find it slightly awkward when people comment on my physique. Like Pool Boy assumed I had a rigorous work-out schedule. Ummm...last time I went to the gym....maybe beginning of July. Ionno, I guess in the same way that a person who gains weight is sensitive to comments about their changed appearance, I feel the same insecurity...cept society tends to reward people for being thin.

Aight - enuf random personal thought purging for the night.