Eating and stuff..

Seems to be a handful of blog fodder about weight. Weight and dating, eating, ect.

I'm a relatively small chic. Okay, let's re-word, I've got the BMI that health websites would say is appropriate for somebody my height. I'm approximately 5'4" and fluctuate between 123 and 127. And I'm going to say that maintaining this weight is not particularly fun.

First, I don't REALLY work out. I waste about $35/month on a club membership and this past summer I've been maybe a total of 5 times. I know a LOT more overweight people that are more active than me. (Note, this shall change, as one of my AGE 30 goals is to be in the best shape of my life). Last summer I was better about it, but with anxiety....I tend to turn very inward and life an inactive life.

So the way I manage my weight is not through physical activity. It's by skimping on the food. Daily routine:

Small coffee, enough milk/creame to turn my skin-color and one or two boiled eggs with salt. (I'm irritated that my boiled eggs cost more than the scrambled eggs, as it takes less effort to make them and less ingredients).
Lunch: Turkey, lettuce, tomatoe, cheese, on 7-grain. Mayo or some other type of condiment for flavor. Nope...no sides.
Dinner: (Don't laugh)...soup, omlette, or I'll put pasta with some type of green salsa.
Snacks: ? Huh?

I'm a total bore at the grocery store. I'm that person that picks up a product and scans the fat/caloric intake. If there are more than 150 calories or 3 grams of fat per serving, chances are it's not coming home with me. I don't snack, or if I do...it's Delmonte's SunFresh (hence the blog name) grapefruit. Oh did I mention, I'm cheap? Some folks will encourage a trip to whole-foods to get fruit, veggies and other healthy things. Ummm, so I can walk away with a WTF just happened at the register feeling? No sirrrr.

On weekends, I'll typically treat myself to some mexican or thai. "That time of the month," I'll obey my inner big girl and take down a 2-3 person serving of Singapor Noodles.

My body also self-regulates. On special occassion I'll eat sweets, and then kick myself as I ball over in pain as my body tries to break down the sugar. Ice-cream...let's just say that I'll need some alone time and some wind. Fried foods (although, french fries is a guilty pleasure)...not so much...my body can't digest it without making a LOT of noise and giving me slight pain. Red meat - ehhh see fried foods. And at times I overeat. I can outeat some men twice my size. But while they skip along, I'm having IBS attacks that bring tears to my eyes and knock me to my knees. So that leaves me with relatively healthy options.

I'm not promoting this by ANY means. I KNOW I have weight issues, and anxiety only causes me to stop eating.

But I say all that to say...for this regular weight chic...it comes with much anguish too. I could say that I'll start 'living' healthier...but I'm not quite ready to make a lifestyle change.

And for the record, if I did gain weight...it would impact how I feel about myself. I might have other self-esteem issues that cause me to gain weight, but gaining weight would only exacerbate the problem. (I realize this and I think it's sub-consciously why I deal with stress/anxiety by losing my apeitite).

As an adolescent, I was 'taught' a lesson that a lot of women are 'taught'. I lost 10-15 pounds and started getting attention and that feedback boosted my ego...which then boosted my confidence. That concept stuck with me.