Independent Woman - My Take

So last night after stuffing myself with the best darn fajita that exists I collapsed in my hotel room and pulled out the computer. Obviously I haven't been as active at posting...what's consuming my mind is not something I want out on the streets. Nonetheless, I was seeking controlled interaction with people (ie on the internet you can log off when somebody isn't ideally interacting with you). But anywho...I ventured over to Creole's spot and saw that one of the word on the curb live phone sessions was going on. For those of you that don't visit or don't know what WOTC is...it's a live web/phone chat and is like the times when you're in a big group of friends discussing some human condition...there is vulnerability, humor, advice, encouragement, disagreement - all o' dat. Last night's topic: The Independent Woman.

One major theme/question was...do you NEED a man? Why do you think you do/don't NEED a man?

My answer, at least in this point in life is no. Things that I NEED to live: Food, shelter, health (which leads me into some other things that I consider to be needs - a job/career...to pay for food, shelter, healthcare). But I wake up each day without a man, I feed, cloth and house myself...by myself. I admit that life would be easier with a companion. But to me...it's not a necessity. It's a want. I guess that's the difference to me. A need is something that you cannot live without and a want is something that you believe would make your life easier/better.

Another perspective that some folks might not see is the fact that 'The Independent Woman,' is used to be in CONTROL of her situation, life ect. Name 3 things in your life that you can control. Another person is NOT one of them. For example...when I bust my ass at work, I am often rewarded with recognition, pay ect. The concept is you put in 100% and you get back 100%. The first time I was in love, I put in 100% and I got cheated on. So it's a scary, unsettling concept to invest so much into a relationship, into another person when you have absolutely no control over the desired reactions and actions ect.

I also identified with another person in that I don't want to have to ask for what I want, I want somebody to be intune with me and provide it. I mean this for the true personality traits within me. I would expect a person to ask about certain things that don't require intuitive knowledge of me. For example...if you observe that I can be spastic when sh*t doesn't go my way, balance me with calmness...put on brainless tv, and pull me into your arms on the couch. Don't first try to talk to me about what I did wrong, or other logical shit. When I'm spastic, I'm not logical and not open to logic.

The married folk on the call said that they needed thier spouse. Which sounds like a natural answer and something I'm not opposed to. The concept of marriage is combining two souls into one and living as such. So it makes perfect sense to me that once you've taken that leap...you consider your spouse a necessity. Can you NEED something that you've never experienced/had? I'm not convinced about this because I don't feel like I NEED a spouse.

Well, let me take that back. There is one person in my life who I couldn't live without, I mean...I could wake up, feed and shelter myself, but there is so much comfort for me in that relationship. While the dynamics of our relationship have changed over the past 7 or so years...when you strip all the BS away the only thing that remains and the only thing I attend to is the positive. If you're reading this...you know who you are.

I think another question that folks addressed inadvertantly is why do or don't you think you have a man/companion. Coming from a person that grounded herself the first time she got a B in grade school (8th grade)...I always look in the mirror first for the faults of my experience/life. The ONLY thing in this world that I can control/change is me. So given that I've had failed relationships, I analyze the situation by thinking okay...what are unique vs. common factors in these failed relationships (not that I've had many that were of significance...2 so far). Common denominator is me. (Although to be real...first love was from college and timing and other circumstances put the odds against us. The second 'love,' - he was a fucktard, PERIOD and God knew I deserved something more perfect for me).

I'm not a constant dater. I am okay with being single. But it frustrates me and makes me question myself knowing that I think I'm kinda dope...why doesn't somebody love me? And then that turns into...well maybe I'm not as dope as I'd like to think. What can I do to make me more dope? lol. Dope - I like this word.

Anywho - I don't claim to be 'The Independent Woman.' However, at this point in my life it's the essence of who I am. I'm not dependent, I do for myself by myself.